Every Child’s Fear by Darkess

Author: Darkess

Title: Every Child’s Fear

Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_darkness/

Reviewer: Rachi @ Lost Shadows



Title: 4/5 ~ I wished it could’ve been a tad more creative but hey, it fits the story perfectly well and it’s attention-grabbing.



Poster/Background: 10/10 ~ Your poster was nice and simple while at the same time, encompassing the mood and theme of your story. I didn’t have any trouble reading your text so the backgrounds perfect!



Forewords: 4/5 ~ The end of the forewords was really good because it was kind of like a cliff-hanger and was really exciting. I wish that you would’ve started it out more “formal” to fit the mood of your story though (i.e get rid of the “besides the typical “monsters under my bed and in my closet” because the conversationally casual tone there conflicts with the mood of the story)



Plot: 15/15 ~ Even though the storyline was pretty mellow, the language you used was able to make it dramatic and scary at just the right parts. It was a great choice to make this a one-shot because you were able to get all the details just right without elaborating it too much and make it dull.



Flow: 9/10 ~ For the most part, this was good. There were a few parts like when Kwon hears a BOOM that had me wondering where it came from, or why the light suddenly went off. The transitions here could have been a little smoother.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ Spelling was all correct and your choice of vocabulary fit the story very well. There was a case of wrong punctuation:

“A young boy, not older than seven years, gladly carried his warm, folded, clean clothes into his small room.”

There are too many commas used in this sentence. The descriptive part about his clothes should either be cut down, or started in a new sentence.

Also,

“Jo never bothered to turn off the light, but behind his eyelids he suddenly realized that the brightness that surrounded him a few seconds ago had disappeared.”

There are a few things wrong with this sentence, such as tenses and missing punctuation. It should be corrected to:

“Jo had never bothered to turn off the light, but behind his eyelids, he suddenly realized that the brightness surrounding him a just a few seconds ago had disappeared.”

Also,

“A loud BOOM sounded nearby, and it made him jump.”

There shouldn’t be a comma after the nearby unless your sentence was changed to “A loud BOOM sounded nearby, making him jump.” Otherwise, it should be “A loud BOOM sounded nearby and it made him jump.”



Characterization: 10/10 ~ Considering that this was a short story, the characterization was pretty great. You did a lot of “showing” instead of “telling” with Kwon’s actions and thoughts. These expressed his personality very well.



Orginality: 10/10 ~ It was creative, that’s all I can say :]



Writing style: 10/10 ~ I loved your writing style and formatting. Everything was clear and readable. I also liked the way you used imagery and description…they added a lot to the story.



Overall enjoyment: 10/10 ~ It was so cute, not to mention unique. No drama or anything heavy like that, it was just a very carefree, happy story. I loved it.



Overall score: 95/100