One in a Million by jwyl

Author: jwyl
Title: One in a Million
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jwyl03/
Reviewer: Rachi @ Lost Shadows


Title: 4/5 ~ It was a bit too cliché for me and I wished it would’ve had a little more to do with your actual plot; yes she was “one in a million” but be more creative with it.



Poster/Background: 10/10 ~ I liked the poster, the small print at the bottom reminded me of a movie poster haha. The background was also very nice, I had no trouble reading the text at all.



Forewords: 4/5 ~ It definitely gave me a good idea as to what the story was about, but at the same time, I feel like it left little to the imagination. There was too much summarizing…next time, try asking more rhetorical questions.



Plot: 12/15 ~ For me, the plot was a bit bland. It’s not just that it wasn’t very original, it’s more that there weren’t many surprises in store. I could almost predict every single thing that was going to happen and they all happened exactly the way I thought they would. I feel like you stayed very “safe” for this story and although the plot and idea was okay, you could have done more with it.



Flow: 7/10 ~ The whole story felt a little rushed. I think that although this was a one-shot, a lot more detail could have been incorporated into the chapters to make them feel fuller and flow together better. The scene transitions were rather abrupt and things seemed to happen way too fast.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ The spelling and vocabulary was pretty good, I liked your language and word choice because it fit the theme of the story very well. The grammar was a bit off in places like “I heard my friend, Junho call out to me as I placed the letter back into my bag and rushed over to start my warm-ups.” where there is a misplaced comma after “friend” and “I’m fine living as a whitewash Asian.” where it should be “whitewashed.” I think you’ll find punctuation errors and past/present-tense confusion like those throughout the story.



Characterization: 8/10 ~ A good author is able to give the reader both a mental image of the person as well as the feeling of actually knowing the person. This is accomplished through a lot of “showing,” where you get a sense of what the character is like through his/her actions and dialogue instead of “telling,” where the author directly relates to you what the character’s personality is. You didn’t use a lot of “telling” which is good but you could have used a LOT more “showing.”



Originality: 7/10 ~ I know it’s hard trying to think of a completely brand new idea for a story that has never been used before; it’s almost impossible. However, the trick is to take an idea that might have been used before many times but twist it to make it your own. I think this is the main thing that your story needed: creativity.



Writing style: 10/10 ~ I enjoyed your writing style; it was clear with nice formatted paragraphs, very easy to read.



Overall enjoyment: 8/10 ~ I think you have a lot of potential as a writer because you have a really great style and your language is pretty darn good. I just wish that you can be more creative in telling your story so that it can be unique among the others that are out there next time.



Overall score: 83/100