Author: estee
Story Title: Jagiya, I love you
Story URL: winglin.net/fanfic/estee6
Reviewer: DarkAngel | lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 3/5
-It's not very creative or eye-catching, but you can tell it's going to be a sweet story. The length is fine- not too long and not too short. Plus, it fits the story!
Poster/Background: 8/10
-It's cute, but kind of plain. The background is okay, I guess. I thought you could have done something more with the poster. It looks kind of boring, but at the same time, it's cute.
Forewords: 2/5
-There isn't much information and it seems short. You could have included a small description of the characters featured in your story, or written a small summary about it to let the readers see what it's about. On the bright side, I think it looks neat. I never would have thought of the main girl's name to be just a scrambled mix up of Xiah.
Plot: 14/15
-I love it! It was so sweet! Normally, I don't read these kind of stories and this is the first, but it's so good! The way they show affection for each other is so cute, and it's realistic unlike some other events that are usually mentioned . I love the way Xiah and Ahxi seem so happy and sweet together. I was smiling the whole way, and almost cried when he proposed to her.
Flow: 10/10
-Full points! The flow was perfect. It wasn't slow, nor was it fast. The flashback was a great touch.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15
-I didn't see any mistakes. I don't know if it was because of my bad eye sight, or it was because you didn't make any, but I didn't see any. There weren't repeats of the same words again, and it was smooth. Your vocabulary is fine too.
Characterization: 10/10
-I could see the way they love each other very much, and it was so heartwarming! You explained them very well. Xiah and Ahxi really do go together well. It's nice to see a happy couple such as them.
Originality: 10/10
-I've never actually read a oneshot like this before. When I read one, it's usually about someone having a disease and death, but this was the complete opposite. It had a peppy atmosphere, and the date was nice. The proposal was sweet, and the characters were loving. Nice work.
Writing style: 10/10
-I really don't have a problem with you writing style. It looks professional and neat. Your spacing is fine, and you write complete sentences. Good job!
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
-I love it so much! I'm still smiling because of it :) It's just so heartwarming! I wish it happened to me, which is kind of strange to hear from a kid. Anyways, it's just lovely, and I hope you write another one. Fighting~!
Overall score: 92/100
Friday, 30 July 2010
Thursday, 22 July 2010
For A Moment by Ryeona Park
Title: For A Moment
Author: Ryeona Park
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PRNmoment
Reviewed by: Dark Angel @ Lost Shadows
Author: Ryeona Park
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PRNmoment
Reviewed by: Dark Angel @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
-At first glance, your title captured my attention. It was interesting, and just those three words told a lot about the story. Good choice for a title.
Poster/Background: 9/10
-The poster is great, I can tell you that. The only change I'd make to it is the font. It's hard to read, but other than that it looks fantastic! The background matches with the story, and the blue clashes well. It's a nice, sad blend of colors to go along with a great story.
Forewords: 4/5
-That was a nice preview, but it didn't tell us much about the characters' personalities. I also thought you could have added more to the forewords. It looked too short. Besides the poster credits and summary, there wasn't anything else. A little introduction of the characters would probably help the reader understand them before reading in order to get a better understanding.
Plot: 14/15
-It's a sad, sweet story. The plot is nice, and the angels are a nice touch. I know this story line has been used many times before, but there's just a special touch to this one. It's really nice, and touching at the same time. I loved the ending!
Flow: 10/10
-The flow is perfect for me! The story was at a good pace- not too fast and not too slow. Nice job!
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
-There were places where you added a comma in the wrong place and vice versa. I didn't spot any spelling errors, and your vocabulary was great! There were no repeats except for "The Third Angel", "The First Angel" and so and so. Other than that, there wasn't much of a grammatical problem here.
Characterization: 8/10
-I honestly could have though you should include more of their past and feelings. SeoHyun wasn't exactly described as well. The simple details were featured, which is good. I just thought you could be more deep with their emotions.
Originality: 8/10
-The Dimension of Miracles was creative, I can tell you that. You don't see that around nowadays. The sickness, however, is often mentioned in stories. It's because of a disease that the two main characters get close in a sad one-shot. I really liked the fake world and angels though!
Writing style: 8/10
-Your paragraphs were too big, in my opinion. If you shorten it, it will look more professional and neat. It may be because I like reading short paragraphs than longer ones, but it looks better. It's easier to read. Other than that, there was nothing wrong with your one-shot!
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-Like I said before, the long paragraphs were a little irritating for me to look at. That took my interest away slightly.
Overall score: 87/100
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Need You Now by hellome
Author: hellome
Story Title: Need You Now
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/needyounow
Reviewer: mg6991 | lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 3/5
-Your title was nice but it looks like it’s a common title to me, no offense.
Poster/Background: 9/10
-I LOVE YOUR POSTER. :D
Forewords: 2/5
-Even though it’s a one-shot and your characters are fictional, you should still put on a summary of your story. Your forewords section looks so blank and it shouldn’t be like that. That section gives you an opportunity to introduce your characters and your story well even if your story is a one-shot, a short story or whatever.
Plot: 12/15
-I kind of understand your plot at first but in my opinion, it’s kind of hard to understand. A one-shot is supposed to be like a summary of the whole story. But it looks like you just cutted out some parts of your whole story.
Flow: 8/10
-Your flow was awesome actually. But you just have to sometimes explain some scenes a bit more.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15
-I salute you for your perfect grammar. I sometimes can’t even think words like that.
Characterization: 7/10
-In my opinion, it would have been much better if you gave names to your characters. It gives off a feeling that there’s something missing.
Originality: 10/10
- It’s my first time reading a story like yours. Nice one!
Writing style: 10/10
- I adore how you write. Your writing style is one of the bests that I have seen.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
Overall score: 84/100
-In my opinion, your writing style is best suited for short stories. But nevertheless, keep up the great work!
Monday, 12 July 2010
It was you all along by iheartsj01
Author: iheartsj01
Story Name: It was you all along
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/iheartsj01/
Reviewer: myangelteuk/Airah
Title: 2.5/5
The title really isn’t eye catching but fits your story well. Also, capitalize you title like this, ‘It Was You All Along’.
Poster/Background: 10/10
At first I was wondering why Kyuhyun and Yoona was there but then in the story, it explains that Yoona is Leeteuk’s girlfriend (in the beginning) and Kyuhyun is the guy she fell in love with at first sight.
Forewords: 5/5
You got everything that is needed. But also, add at least an bit of information about the characters so we would know what to expect. Or just say that you can’t reveal anything about them yet.
Plot: 15/15
I really like the plot. Same as others but you add your own twists into it.
Flow: 10/10
Nice and steady. Neither fast or slow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/15
I know it’s a low score but you do have to understand. You said in the extras that you’re going to have some English errors and yes, you do. Some of the errors would be that you sometimes don’t capitalize the beginning of sentences. I would give you an example but it’s almost everywhere. You spell things wrong.You also don’t capitalize the beginning of the dialogues and you forget the commas at the end of what they are saying.
For example:
[Original Dialogue]
" yah, just remember - don't tell this to anyone at school tomorrow okay ? im usually not like this to people " he said patting my head .
{Corrected Dialogue}
“Yah, just remember - don’t tell this to anyone at school tomorrow, okay? I’m usually not like this to people,” he said, patting my head.
Another problem would be the spelling errors. Two of the words that you commonly spell wrong would be:
*Thingking
*tought
By the looks of how you spell, you sound it out? Thinking is spelled this way. It’s like when you say ‘think’. All you have to do is add ‘-ing’ at the end.
Thought is spelled like this. But you are close. One other thing, if you spell thought the way you spell it, when you spell though, it might end up as tough. Also, hurt is already a past tense, so there is no need to add “-ed” at the end.
Characterization: 6/10
I think that if the character had a name, it would give off more than if the character’s name is ~~~~~.
Originality: 10/10
I think that this is quite original. Yet, similar to other fanfics. I didn’t take any points off because I think that it’s THAT original.
Writing style: 6/10
The writing style is understandable but I think instead of putting links in the middle of the story, you should either, describe it or put the links at the end so it doesn’t make the story look crappy. (Excuse my language). Also, don’t put too much exclamation mark and question marks because like I said, it makes it look crappy. But do put it where necessary. Another thing, you put this >.> at the end of the sentence, and it makes it look messy. At least describe what >.> is, but if its like a text, then it’s fine but if it isn’t, explain. Also, if you want to explain something, instead of putting an A/N note in the middle of the story, same with the links, put it at the end of the chapter.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
I have to say, I enjoyed it because as you can tell, my name is myangelteuk so I am an Leeteuk fan! I agree that there aren’t many Leeteuk fics. I have to say, this is a good story! I’m going to subscribe to it so I can read more!! Hwaiting!
Overall score: 82.5/100
*This is just a review. It is not meant to criticize you. But if it did in anyway, I apologize.*
Story Name: It was you all along
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/iheartsj01/
Reviewer: myangelteuk/Airah
Title: 2.5/5
The title really isn’t eye catching but fits your story well. Also, capitalize you title like this, ‘It Was You All Along’.
Poster/Background: 10/10
At first I was wondering why Kyuhyun and Yoona was there but then in the story, it explains that Yoona is Leeteuk’s girlfriend (in the beginning) and Kyuhyun is the guy she fell in love with at first sight.
Forewords: 5/5
You got everything that is needed. But also, add at least an bit of information about the characters so we would know what to expect. Or just say that you can’t reveal anything about them yet.
Plot: 15/15
I really like the plot. Same as others but you add your own twists into it.
Flow: 10/10
Nice and steady. Neither fast or slow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/15
I know it’s a low score but you do have to understand. You said in the extras that you’re going to have some English errors and yes, you do. Some of the errors would be that you sometimes don’t capitalize the beginning of sentences. I would give you an example but it’s almost everywhere. You spell things wrong.You also don’t capitalize the beginning of the dialogues and you forget the commas at the end of what they are saying.
For example:
[Original Dialogue]
" yah, just remember - don't tell this to anyone at school tomorrow okay ? im usually not like this to people " he said patting my head .
{Corrected Dialogue}
“Yah, just remember - don’t tell this to anyone at school tomorrow, okay? I’m usually not like this to people,” he said, patting my head.
Another problem would be the spelling errors. Two of the words that you commonly spell wrong would be:
*Thingking
*tought
By the looks of how you spell, you sound it out? Thinking is spelled this way. It’s like when you say ‘think’. All you have to do is add ‘-ing’ at the end.
Thought is spelled like this. But you are close. One other thing, if you spell thought the way you spell it, when you spell though, it might end up as tough. Also, hurt is already a past tense, so there is no need to add “-ed” at the end.
Characterization: 6/10
I think that if the character had a name, it would give off more than if the character’s name is ~~~~~.
Originality: 10/10
I think that this is quite original. Yet, similar to other fanfics. I didn’t take any points off because I think that it’s THAT original.
Writing style: 6/10
The writing style is understandable but I think instead of putting links in the middle of the story, you should either, describe it or put the links at the end so it doesn’t make the story look crappy. (Excuse my language). Also, don’t put too much exclamation mark and question marks because like I said, it makes it look crappy. But do put it where necessary. Another thing, you put this >.> at the end of the sentence, and it makes it look messy. At least describe what >.> is, but if its like a text, then it’s fine but if it isn’t, explain. Also, if you want to explain something, instead of putting an A/N note in the middle of the story, same with the links, put it at the end of the chapter.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
I have to say, I enjoyed it because as you can tell, my name is myangelteuk so I am an Leeteuk fan! I agree that there aren’t many Leeteuk fics. I have to say, this is a good story! I’m going to subscribe to it so I can read more!! Hwaiting!
Overall score: 82.5/100
*This is just a review. It is not meant to criticize you. But if it did in anyway, I apologize.*
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
The Love Bus by kanhosa301
Title: The Love Bus
Author: kanhosa301
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kanhosa304
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
*My deepest apologies for this being so late. Life caught up with me on many occasions, and I had neither the time nor the heart to do much of anything, really. I hope you understand. And now, on with the review!*
Title: 3/5
Although it’s cute, and it fits the story, I’m fairly certain you could have come up with a much more creative title.
Poster/Background: 7/10
As with what I said above, it’s cute and it fits, but a) you can be way more creative with the poster overall, and b) there are no credentials. I assume you made this, but at least put something that says so. If you didn’t make this, shame on you for not crediting the artist. It’s a lovely drawing, but none of the characters are featured in it.
Forewords: 2/5
A few sentences explaining your story certainly didn’t catch my interest. A reader wants to be pulled into the story. I was not pulled. Maybe add a little bit, like how old everyone is…what they look like, even…or where everything takes place.
Plot: 12/15
Things happened way too fast between Yunho and Cherry, but more of that is below. I really felt for Doo Joon; he had unrequited love for his best friend. I’ve seen that with some of my own friends, and it really tore them apart. That’s why I was surprised Cherry didn’t decide to be Doo Joon’s girlfriend. I thought for sure that would happen…oh, well.
Flow: 9/10
Only thing I had against the flow was the fact that Yunho and Cherry seemed to fall in love with each other way too fast; they met in a day and wham? Ha, I wish people could fall in love that quickly! I would mention more on that subject but I don’t think you’d want to know about your reviewer’s love life…LOL!
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
You’re spelling was okay, and you have a decently sized vocabulary. The only problems lied with grammar and with tenses. Remember: “you’re” is a contraction, shortening “you are.” “Your” is a possessive, meaning to show ownership. Oh, and use “on” correctly; there were several times you should have used “at” or “in” instead of “on.” Sorry if this isn’t making much sense to you, haha. I just say it like it is and hope that you understand what I mean.
Characterization: 6/10
To me, the characters seemed underdeveloped. Yunho came off more stalker-ish than I first thought. Out of nowhere, he decides that he loves this girl after going on one date with her? Cherry does the same, too. Doo Joon had the most development, kinda; he harbored feelings toward his best friend, and his love seems more legit than the “love” Cherry feels for Yunho, who she literally just met. This really should have been turned into a short story, maybe three or four chapters.
Originality: 7/10
The only thing slightly original about this is that the main character didn’t end up with the best friend, which is usually what happens in romantic comedies, no?
Writing style: 8/10
Seeing as how I’m a writer of long paragraphs, I didn’t mind the length so much. However, it seemed like you tried to squeeze a potential story into a one-shot. Also, when two different people are talking or thinking, separate into different lines. Cherry’s thoughts should really go onto a line by themselves unless she’s the one speaking.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it. If you had gone into deeper detail and development, it would be better. You did good, though. Good luck with all your future stories!
Overall score: 72/100
Bonus: 2/5
Okay, even though the scoring rubric doesn’t go this way, I still had to give bonus points for Cherry having a best friend named Hazel. In a book I hope to publish one day, I have a character named Hazel! I was hit with some pleasant irony while reading this, haha!
Total: 74/100
Author: kanhosa301
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kanhosa304
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
*My deepest apologies for this being so late. Life caught up with me on many occasions, and I had neither the time nor the heart to do much of anything, really. I hope you understand. And now, on with the review!*
Title: 3/5
Although it’s cute, and it fits the story, I’m fairly certain you could have come up with a much more creative title.
Poster/Background: 7/10
As with what I said above, it’s cute and it fits, but a) you can be way more creative with the poster overall, and b) there are no credentials. I assume you made this, but at least put something that says so. If you didn’t make this, shame on you for not crediting the artist. It’s a lovely drawing, but none of the characters are featured in it.
Forewords: 2/5
A few sentences explaining your story certainly didn’t catch my interest. A reader wants to be pulled into the story. I was not pulled. Maybe add a little bit, like how old everyone is…what they look like, even…or where everything takes place.
Plot: 12/15
Things happened way too fast between Yunho and Cherry, but more of that is below. I really felt for Doo Joon; he had unrequited love for his best friend. I’ve seen that with some of my own friends, and it really tore them apart. That’s why I was surprised Cherry didn’t decide to be Doo Joon’s girlfriend. I thought for sure that would happen…oh, well.
Flow: 9/10
Only thing I had against the flow was the fact that Yunho and Cherry seemed to fall in love with each other way too fast; they met in a day and wham? Ha, I wish people could fall in love that quickly! I would mention more on that subject but I don’t think you’d want to know about your reviewer’s love life…LOL!
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
You’re spelling was okay, and you have a decently sized vocabulary. The only problems lied with grammar and with tenses. Remember: “you’re” is a contraction, shortening “you are.” “Your” is a possessive, meaning to show ownership. Oh, and use “on” correctly; there were several times you should have used “at” or “in” instead of “on.” Sorry if this isn’t making much sense to you, haha. I just say it like it is and hope that you understand what I mean.
Characterization: 6/10
To me, the characters seemed underdeveloped. Yunho came off more stalker-ish than I first thought. Out of nowhere, he decides that he loves this girl after going on one date with her? Cherry does the same, too. Doo Joon had the most development, kinda; he harbored feelings toward his best friend, and his love seems more legit than the “love” Cherry feels for Yunho, who she literally just met. This really should have been turned into a short story, maybe three or four chapters.
Originality: 7/10
The only thing slightly original about this is that the main character didn’t end up with the best friend, which is usually what happens in romantic comedies, no?
Writing style: 8/10
Seeing as how I’m a writer of long paragraphs, I didn’t mind the length so much. However, it seemed like you tried to squeeze a potential story into a one-shot. Also, when two different people are talking or thinking, separate into different lines. Cherry’s thoughts should really go onto a line by themselves unless she’s the one speaking.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it. If you had gone into deeper detail and development, it would be better. You did good, though. Good luck with all your future stories!
Overall score: 72/100
Bonus: 2/5
Okay, even though the scoring rubric doesn’t go this way, I still had to give bonus points for Cherry having a best friend named Hazel. In a book I hope to publish one day, I have a character named Hazel! I was hit with some pleasant irony while reading this, haha!
Total: 74/100
Do you love me or my twin sister? by **princess**
Author: **princess**
Story Name: Do you love me or my twin sister?
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/darksidejj_3/
Reviewer: Airah
Title: 3.5/5
The title fits the story but it’s not very eye-catching. Also, capitalize the title; Do You Love Me Or My Twin Sister? But sometimes, titles don’t have to be capitalized. Another thing, the title is pretty long.
Poster/Background: 9.5/10
The poster and background looks nice but there is something with the poster. It says: It's hard to let go the one you love...but it's hard to love a person when you know he only see you as the girl that he once's love..
It’s supposed to be:
It’s hard to let go of the one you love..but it’s hard to love a person when you know he only sees you as the girl he once loved.
I saw that you changed the poster but I’m still keeping the score the same. Also, it’s kind of hard to see when your sentences are long and Eun Hye’s face sometimes covers the words.
Forewords: 5/5
It included important things such as the plot, and characters. But you also have a OST for the story which is nice.
Plot: 15/15
I like the plot a lot. It’s quite different from some other stories.
Flow: 10/10
Not too slow or fast.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
From the first chapter, I’ve been thinking that English isn’t your first language because either you’re just forgetting some letters like ‘s’ on some of the words like on your foreword it says, Twin sister. That should be twin sisters. Also you’re sometimes getting there and their mixed up. Also babys. It should be babies. There are more but I don’t want to put you down by listing all of them.
Characterization: 10/10
I don’t like ~~~~~ fics. I really prefer fictional characters but it’s your story. Fictional characters give off more life rather than ~~~~~~ characters.
Originality: 8/10
Like I said, it’s different but not original. I’ve read some fanfics that are like this. But different is good because sometimes it can be original.
Writing style: 7/10
The way you write is fine but sometimes putting something like *giggles* in the middle of the sentence makes it look messy. Instead of doing that you could put ‘she giggled.’ Or something like that.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Love it!! Thanks for a great fic! I’ll keep reading because I think I know who the woman is.
\Overall score: 88/100
Story Name: Do you love me or my twin sister?
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/darksidejj_3/
Reviewer: Airah
Title: 3.5/5
The title fits the story but it’s not very eye-catching. Also, capitalize the title; Do You Love Me Or My Twin Sister? But sometimes, titles don’t have to be capitalized. Another thing, the title is pretty long.
Poster/Background: 9.5/10
The poster and background looks nice but there is something with the poster. It says: It's hard to let go the one you love...but it's hard to love a person when you know he only see you as the girl that he once's love..
It’s supposed to be:
It’s hard to let go of the one you love..but it’s hard to love a person when you know he only sees you as the girl he once loved.
I saw that you changed the poster but I’m still keeping the score the same. Also, it’s kind of hard to see when your sentences are long and Eun Hye’s face sometimes covers the words.
Forewords: 5/5
It included important things such as the plot, and characters. But you also have a OST for the story which is nice.
Plot: 15/15
I like the plot a lot. It’s quite different from some other stories.
Flow: 10/10
Not too slow or fast.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
From the first chapter, I’ve been thinking that English isn’t your first language because either you’re just forgetting some letters like ‘s’ on some of the words like on your foreword it says, Twin sister. That should be twin sisters. Also you’re sometimes getting there and their mixed up. Also babys. It should be babies. There are more but I don’t want to put you down by listing all of them.
Characterization: 10/10
I don’t like ~~~~~ fics. I really prefer fictional characters but it’s your story. Fictional characters give off more life rather than ~~~~~~ characters.
Originality: 8/10
Like I said, it’s different but not original. I’ve read some fanfics that are like this. But different is good because sometimes it can be original.
Writing style: 7/10
The way you write is fine but sometimes putting something like *giggles* in the middle of the sentence makes it look messy. Instead of doing that you could put ‘she giggled.’ Or something like that.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Love it!! Thanks for a great fic! I’ll keep reading because I think I know who the woman is.
\Overall score: 88/100
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