The In-Laws Reversed by Jackie/ Linn

Story Title: The In-Laws Reversed
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/In_Laws/
Author: Jackie/ Linn
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows

Title 3/5
I get what you mean, but the “reversed” part isn’t really strong the way I see it. I mean what you meant was that Liza isn’t the typical mother-in-law but perhaps it would have been better if you showed some sort of fight or struggle from Bosco’s family. Next, the problems and obstacles that the couples face in your fan fiction tend to be due to outside forces and third-parties rather than the families…

Poster/Background: 6/10
Your poster consisted of all the major characters in your story and there were also a quote to follow the poster. However, I did not really like the color of the poster as it was rather bright and this makes it rather hard to read… as in it doesn’t really give a ‘comfortable’ atmosphere? Also the font color at your front page is rather difficult to read as it clashes with the background.

Forewords: 3/5
I didn’t really get a good idea on the whole story… as in I knew that it would be about something between the two and Liza, but somehow, the forwards seem to be lacking a little… little originality? I mean it was lacking the x-factor that would make me think, “oh, I want to know what is going to happen next!” But I guess I got a general scoop on the whole thing, so great job there! =D

Plot: 12/15
It went quite well, no big problems. Rather smooth. Realistic, but the storyline is a little… oh and one thing to note, it is actually a common error that many writers make. Okay remember the chapter where Myolie and Bosco were on their honeymoon? You wrote that she wanted a cup of mike because she felt nauseas and I guess what you wanted to show was that she was pregnant, right? But the thing is most mothers take some time before they start having morning sickness… thus, it would be rather impossible for her to have morning sickness just one day after…

Flow: 7.5/10

I’ve got no problems in that area, but I felt that things were moving a little slowly in the beginning, just a little. But things began to pick up again soon. =D
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/10
An occasional error here and there (For example. plane and plain) but I could see the effort to use descriptive words. Overall, it was quite easy and smooth to read but then of course you could have used stronger words. For example, you could have said “crimson” instead of “red”. =D Oh yes, you might want to pay a little more attention to your capitalization…

Characterization: 6.5/10
The characters had some sort of personality to them, but I believed that you could have developed that a little more. For example, you said that Bosco was a playboy in the forewords; however, you did not really show his playboy personality. I mean you did say WHY he was a playboy, but you didn’t show HOW. I don’t expect you to invest 2 chapters on that, but you could have tried to add a sentence or two occasionally in chapters. This would actually have seem more natural. =D

Orginality: 7/10
There are areas that makes your story strike out from the others but then again, it wasn’t, “Gosh! I totally didn’t expect that!” enough… but good try! =D

Writing style: 3/5
I would say that it is rather average… as in I don’t really see anything especially unique about it… However, there is no major problem in writing that way. However, I am a rather greedy person so I guess I will always look and expect for more. =D

Overall enjoyment: 7 /10
I am cool with it… but somehow, I got a little bored towards the middle… perhaps it was because I was doing mass reading... but good try! You are coming to the end of the story right? So all the best in this and your future works!
Overall score: 62/100
Hope you aren’t disappointed with this score because I would say that I am a rather stingy reviewer and I want to leave you with room for improvement. Finally, I believe that the numbers don’t really matter and it is the comments that do. =D Good Luck to the both of you! =D