Broken Strings by starbucks & nine_princess

Story Title: Broken Strings
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/brokenstrings/
Author: starbucks & nine_princess
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows

Title: 3.5/5
I do see the meaning of your title but to me, the best one-shot titles are those that actually include their title. I don’t mean that you paste your title in every paragraph but at least once in the whole thing because it helps to make it a little more… touching? (Hmmm I can’t think of the word…) =D Good try!

Poster/Background: 7/10
The poster is nice, the feeling it releases feels good, and Aaron looks hot (okay, rather random…) but, but, I just don’t like your black font and also I don’t really see the link between the background and story… PS. Aaron looks REAL hot! XD

Forewords: 3.5/5
Hmmmm, I would say that you wrote your forewords in my favorite way. So, I would naturally have a strong liking towards it. However, it just doesn’t seem as smooth, in terms of reading, as it should be…

Plot: 12/15
I would say that it was rather new, but I know that more can be done. As in I liked the way that they didn’t have a happy ending but it isn’t that new... Hmmm perhaps a little more emotions would have been good…

Flow: 9/10

I don’t see any major problem but I feel the numbering of forwards rather awkward… I mean you don’t really name your characters Girl A and Girl B, right? So the same thing here!
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
No big problem in this area. Of course one or two errors here and there but on the whole it was still quite well-done. Of course you could have tried to use more descriptive words. Next, I just have one thing to point out, the both of you typed different parts of the story, right? Because throughout the whole story, I saw 2 versions of how you spell Aaron. (Yup, I prefer to type it this way :D)

Characterization: 7/10
Not bad, but more descriptions. I felt that Aaron was being slightly neglected. But I must say that Hebe was described rather nicely.

Orginality: 7.5/10
It was good, with all the twist and turns but on the whole there wasn’t any oh-my-gosh-how-can-that-happen scene… At least for me, hmm effects of watching too much television.

Writing style: 4/5
I am cool with it, but I actually prefer writing in nobody’s POV because it allows you to write in a fuller way. I mean, it gives you the right to show everyone’s emotions instead of jut Hebe’s.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10
It was a pleasure reading this. Nothing too tough or tedious rather light… (Okay I am supposed to be heartbroken… but oh well…) On the whole I liked it, but it just lacked a certain X-factor. It is good, it really is. But it wasn’t impactful enough I guess. However, having said that, I must once again reassure you that it really well written. Continue writing for Bebu! =D
Overall score: 70/100
PS. Have you thought of getting a trailer? It would look good on your story…The first scene could have many people dancing or something like that. (Just an opinion)

PSS. Just a pointer, you can’t actually ‘break’ a string…