My Husband Bought me at A Auction - MrsJaejoong

Story Title: My Husband Bought me at A Auction
Story Author: MrsJaejoong
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/auction/
Reviewer: Darkess

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*


Title: 4/5

It isn't... grammatically correct. It should be 'at An Auction' instead of A. but... the title would definitely catch my attention on the winglin page, and it is very unique.

Poster/Background: 10/10

Beautiful poster and bg made by Teri eunnie S2.

Forewords: 3/5

I really would have loved to see a summary here, but I'm glad you put the characters and their positions, as well as the credits :)

Plot: 12/15

I really like where this is going. I found this whole story super interesting because of the auction. I'm still trying to figure out where they got all that money, and why they would be willing to spend it on a particular human, but I really like where it's going, and the twist that both Kings bid on her. Keep going with this!

Flow: 6/10

It's hard to imagine this happening in real time. Also, you said something like 'we're all trying to sleep, it's nightime' or something along those lines... but I'm 100% sure that it's common knowledge that vamps sleep during the day... unless your vampire type is just unique XD if that's the case than you should try to build on that more.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15

*bullet pas the (chapter 1)

bullet pass the - just a simple typo :P

*didn't screamed (chapter 1)

didn't scream

*so call Queen (chapter 1)

so called Queen

*A hour later (chapter 2)

An hour later

*start biding (chapter 2)

start bidding

mmk. you've made the same mistake like 20 times XD it isn't biding, it's bidding.

*and her she is (chapter 3)

and here she is

I think some stronger vocabulary could have been used as well since yours was pretty basic.

Characterization: 8/10

I thought that you built on the characters a lot in the short amount of chapters. You've built on the girl's personality, and on the perverted vampires as well. You also described the dress and the 'King Vamps' of being beautiful. A good word for Jaejoong and Khun :P

Orginality: 10/10

I can honestly say that I've never ever seen a story like this. I love the whole vampire idea (which actually IS very common since Twilight) but ... the whole auctioning off humans is a new concept to me... especially auctioning them off to Vampires... Idunno. I love the whole thing :D

Writing style: 6/10

You often switch between present and past tence. Pick one and stick with it. I like that you added a little bit of detail here and there, enough to make the story seem a little bit realistic. The one line story structure is easy to read, but... not very professional looking.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10

This story kept my attention , and I want to read more . Update soon!

Overall score: 78/100