Beyond the Lie by ~InBox~

Story Title: Beyond the Lie
Story Author: ~InBox~
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/inbox9
Reviewer: Darkess


Title: 5/5

The title fits the story well so far. The lie is there marriage, and the story is about what's beyond it o.o I don't think you could have picked a better title for it.

Poster/Background: 9/10

The only thing I can take off for was that the poster said Beyond the Lies, plural, instead of Beyond the Lie, the actual title of it. Other than that, the bg and text color don't clash, and it was easy to read the words on the screen.

Forewords: 4/5

I like how you put all of the different perspectives towards the story that was coming. I like how you had Ella's and Chun's points of views, and you also make it kind of like a cliffhanger when you said

However, the unexpected event... changed everything.

It makes you want to know what unexpected event was going to happen.

But the [love] and [truth] points were slightly confusing.

Plot: 9/15

I really like how the two that are married despise each other, but I love how in the last chapter that is written so far, he notices for a second that she is pretty. I really wonder what will happen next. I also like how Thomas is falling or has fallen for Ella and Chun doesn't care at all. I like the storyline so far and think it's pretty creative ^^

Flow: 10/10

Everything makes perfect sense and is in good time. Things are happening at a realistic rate.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15

"the schools he go to" forewards

I believe it should either be "the schools he went to" in the context of the story.

"which he never knew, was in him."

The comma should not be placed in the middle.

As she walked passed -chapter 1

in the context it should be past

Ella took a look at her watch before replying Sky Tan in an impatient tone. - chapter 1

you missed the word "to"

she was shocked beyond words that they have agreed with the arrangement - chapter 2

it should probably read "she was shocked beyond words that they had agreed with the arrangement" because of the tenses.

Ella was about to go and help with the arrangement of some flower arrangement on a raised platform, - chapter 6

There isn't anything wrong with it, but having the word arrangement twice in the same sentence is a little much.

Characterization: 7/10

I love how you make Ella the stuck up snob bossy one, and Chun the total player XD It was a twist on the normal characters that I am used to reading about. It was definately a good change of character. Maybe they aren't always good and sweet you know?

Orginality: 8/10

You don't often see a story where Chun and Ella don't like each other. They always slowly fall in love, and happily get married. But here they already are married and they hate each other. It's very different than a normal winglin story. ^^

Writing style: 8/10

Your style is easy to follow. I don't have to reread things to understand what is going on, and I want to read more not only because of the storyline, but because of the fluent writing.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

In the beginnings of the story I was slightly bored, but it got to get a lot more interesting in the last few chapters. I'll definately subscribe to this story and keep up with it ^^


Overall score: 78/100