Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Love from a Corner by _miki

Story Title: Love from a Corner
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/yukimura/
Author: _miki
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows

Title: 2.5/5
Your title sounds cool but I don’t really see the “corner” part unless you are talking about Jaejoong loving her from aside?

Poster/Background: 7/10
Pretty, but lacking quote ~ xD
Yep, I just feel that a quote makes the poster YOURS, so yes =D

Forewords: 2.5/5
One thing to note, do not criticize your own writing by asking others to not take in too much of your writing because this actually makes one treat your writing as something… inferior?
Erm, you said that I was a “not-so-poor girl” so are you saying that I am from an average family? But if I am, why will my family need me to work to get money?
Personally, if there is something that I dislike, it will actually be the rules? I mean, I don’t like them… As in I believe that by reading your story constantly, it is already something to be happy about and so I don’t think that it should be made compulsory to comment… I mean if you want comments, you find ways to make them comment voluntarily… Won’t you feel much happier if they commented on their own?
Oh yes, and finally, no short forms like “psp” okay? =D Unless you actually do Playstation Portable (PSP) Alright??

Plot: 9/15
Erm, your plot I believe is something that grows onto a person. As in initially, I was a little bored out by your story because well… I am a rather realistic person, and I believe that you will agree with me that there are quite a number of things that will not happen in real life that you wrote about. However, I eventually came to overlook them and just read your story and I must say that I did get interested. =D but just one thing I will say that the change of feelings and character that “I” undergo might be a little too big. You get me?

Flow: 6/10

Personally, I think that he feel in love with her too quickly? And she changed overnight too… but overall I understood all that you were trying to bring across.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
Grammar errors darling… spelling is not that bad though. More descriptive words can actually be applied.

Characterization: 5/10
Personally, you weren’t even writing in first person. You mostly used words like “she”, “her” and “girl” when describing the reader. In fact, I didn’t even know the person you were referring to was the female lead. You were obviously writing in third person. I mean, one who is in the story will obviously not know what happened to Yoochun. So perhaps you should just have used a real character for the girl. Secondly, the thing is when you are in first person, you can only understand yourself and nobody else and their thoughts, you can’t direct them. Lastly, all of us reading will have different personalities and reactions so I just feel that it might have had been more suitable if you had decided to write in third person’s point of view.

Orginality: 5.5/10
Personally, I think the story seems a little cliché. It is just like a different version of Cinderella. Poor girl works for rich man, they fall in love, happily ever after. Though you may have injected elements of your own, the general idea still revolves around that plot.

Writing style: 2.5/5
Personally, I like being SHOWN rather then told… you often write statements that directly TELL me what you want to bring out…
For example you may say, “She is pretty.” But it will actually be much better if you show me how pretty she is instead. You get me?
Just like what I said up there, the first person point of view is really confusing you and you tend to mix up… making it rather weird…

Overall enjoyment: 6.5/10
It was alright, but I believe that you can do much better =D
Overall score: 53/100
I am sure that you will get a much better score at the end =D So request from us again? Hope that you are satisfied with my review. Feel free to approach me if you face any problems with your review =D

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