Could Have Been The One - kibbit

Title: Could Have Been The One

Author: kibbit

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/kibbit

Reviewer: DarkAngel@lostshadows.co.nr


Title: 4/5

-I have to say, the title isn’t really interesting. It sounds like some of the other stories I’ve been reviewing, or reading. I guess something more interesting can help.


Poster/Background: 9/10

-I like the poster. It was pretty cute. I just don’t really get the background. It doesn’t match with the story or the poster.


Forewords: 5/5

-Your foreword told us a little about the characters and the plot. It also had a little poem. Good job! I just love the poem!


Plot: 7/15

-Sorry, but this plot is so common these days. A girl gets pregnant and other things happen. A good story is unpredictable, and I could pretty much tell what’s going to happen next. You can add something completely shocking in the story and that would grasp the readers’ attention even more.


Flow: 7/10

-The speed of the story went by kind of fast. It’s been days and then months so fast.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/15

-I would prefer if you don’t abbreviate the words because it makes it harder to read like “qt”. Also, add commas and periods. I mean, there’s so much exclamation and question marks that it gets on my nerves. And if you want to end a sentence with a period, don’t put “…” because you put a lot of those. I see a little bit improvement after your first review, but still.

1. Wrong: SoEun: hhmm..mommy would buy you ice cream after you finish day okay??

Right: SoEun: Hm, mommy would buy you ice cream after you finish, okay?

2. Wrong: SoEun: ofcourse its her grandpa’s birthday! Right Ha-neul??

Right: SoEun: Of course! It’s her grandpa’s birthday! Right, Ha-Neul?

I advise you read your story over and try to revise it.


Characterization: 5/10

-The character’s personalities are very common. I would prefer if you added some kind of twist in their life, so it would make the story more exciting. A good story has interesting characters. But I have to admit, they are a little cute.


Originality: 5/10

-Sorry, but I’ve seen many stories similar to this before. I would like to see something new for a chance. It would definitely draw readers to the story if it was different from all the others.


Writing style: 7/10

-I don’t really like script style, but I guess it’s all right. I just want it to have more details.


Overall enjoyment: 6/10

-Sorry, but due to all of the grammar mistakes and the common plot, I didn’t really like this story. I guess it’s okay, but it was boring. I hope you can add a twist to it, so future readers can be more excited.


Overall score: 62/100