Key To His Heart(One-Shot) by miia186

Name: miia186
Story Title : Key To His Heart(One-Shot)
Story URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/miia_chul4
Reviewer: jyyms
Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/


Title: 2/5

Your title sounds quite interesting and romantic but it doesn't fit the story. The key is for Jaehyeon's heart but the story is mainly on Jaejoong. So I suggest you make the title more related to Jaejoong, rather than Jaehyeon.

Poster/Background: 7/10

You have a poster but you do not have a background. Your poster is very nice but I wonder why Yunho is in the poster since he is not one of the characters. Is he portrayed as Jaehyeon? It will be better for the reader if you had told us who is who.

Forewords: 5/5

I like your forewords very much. It gives us enough information on the story. And the characters were listed out. I like the way it was a short summary of the story. Good job!

Plot: 11/15

Your plot is a bit too simple. The part where the true love is the only one who can find the key is great but the way Jaehyeon accepted (___) was too quick. (____) had risked her own life to free Jaejoong and when she finally found the key, Jaehyeon forgave her because she was his daughter. I think the story would be much more interesting if it was dramatic on how everyone started to accept each other.

Flow: 7/10

As I have said in the 'Plot' section, the part where Jaehyeon accepted (___) was too quick. Other than that, I think your flow was pretty steady.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 14/15

You had only one spelling error where you wrote 'here' instead of 'hear'. Don't worry that happens :). Your vocabulary is good for the story. It wasn't baby English or anything along those lines but you can still challenge yourself by using more advance vocabulary.

Characterization: 9/10

Since this is a one-shot, authors cannot really characterize their characters alot. But you did a pretty good job on telling the reader how each character is like.

Orginality: 8/10

The story is not fully original. The way how (___) is Jaehyeon's long lost daughter occurs in many stories. But I enjoyed your story.

Writing style: 9/10

Your writing style was simple and easy to follow. You did a good job.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

I enjoyed your one-shot but I was disapointed on how it ended. I know I've been fussing about the way the girl was forgiven but I really think that is the only flaw of this story. Great Jobbbb!!!

Overall score: 79/100

I hope you take my review as an advise for your stories in the future^^. Please don't feel offended.