I fell in love w/ my own brother by Khimme

Title: I fell in love w/ my own brother
Author: Khimme
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Ayumu1/
Reviewed by jjwyl@lostshadows.co.nr
Note: Sorry it took so long to do this. And I hope you don’t take this review in an offensive way.


Title: 1/5

It’s not eye-catching enough. And the title seems to be too long, so it looks kind of messy. And you should not write ‘w/’ in story titles because it will make the title look unprofessional.

Poster/Background: 9/10

Love the poster. It really goes with the story because when I read your story, it had lots of happy moments in it and the poster seems to be able to tell us that it’s happy because of its colors.

Forewords: 2/5

There’s not enough information given to us about the story. I think you should have added some more information. Because for me, the foreword is the first thing I look at on a story. If the forewords not any good, I don’t read it. I continue on to another story.

Plot: 9/15
It didn’t seem like you knew quite what you where you were going with the plot. And it wasn’t organized properly.


Flow: 7/10

The flow wasn’t too bad. It was going at a pretty good pace. But just work on the beginning and the end a bit more. I felt like the end was a bit rushed.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/15
For this one, you should really work on capitalizing your ‘I’s’. And try not to use the same words over and over again. I found that you used a lot of ‘You’s’ in your sentences. You should edit your grammar before submitting.

Characterization: 7/10
I didn’t quite get the feel of the characters. You didn’t really explain much about their personalities and such.

Originality: 6/10

The story line is too cheesy and too common. Falling in love with somebody you can’t/shouldn’t. I’ve read a couple of those before.

Writing style: 4/10
I thought there were too much sentences and not enough paragraphs. You should consider writing in bigger paragraphs, putting a bunch of sentences together to form a paragraph. It would look a lot neater. And also, you should put a fictional name for “_____” the line makes it look a bit messy.

Overall enjoyment: 4/10

Sorry, but I couldn’t really get the feel of it.


Overall score: 56/100