Title: Because I Know [one-shot]
Author: ‘Niii
Story Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_know/
Reviewer: Pararae
Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/
Note: Seems that I always write a review in paragraph/continuous writing, I am experimenting with a new technique. Point form! Lolz. I thought it will be much easier to understand and very organized. Well, at least, that’s what I think. But I want to know your opinion on it, okay ‘Niii? Please~ if it’s bad, I’ll stick to the old one XD
Here goes…
Title: 4/5 I gave you 4 because…
1. Your title suits the story well. It is derived from the plot itself and clearly hints the readers that TaeMin knew what happen which no one else did. And even so, he believes and knows that she’s here for him.
2. It gives out a brilliant mood of angst. I could stare at the title, knowing it will be a sad story without looking at any other detail you provide. It’s really impressing to see the title that could do many tricks by just simple words.
3. Even though your title is simple and technically hanging because there’s no predicate to support the subject claimed, but it is more than acceptable. Instead of putting a long sentence up there but not doing well as title will be a waste anyway. The way you summarize the story with simple quote makes it more interesting.
4. And it could also drive a curiosity out of someone. The first time I saw the title, I wonder what he knew. And this makes me want to read it more. Wholly, I can say that this title is good, short but interesting.
But you lose 1 mark because I think by using big words as a title could do a better job. Try to find a phrase with complicated words yet compliment the story well and fit all of the description above. I think it will make it more interesting because, for example: If you walk around and saw Psychosis Attraction and Crazy Attraction on Winglin, which one would you prefer? They are mainly about the same thing but the words are different and these words could effect one’s opinion towards a story.
Poster/Background: 7/10 I like your poster, it’s really beautiful and I think it really boost the story. The color of brilliant black is very elegant and my favorite too. The title fonts are great and the supporting design is good too but you lose 3 marks because…
1. The color of small font below the title is very hard to see. It says who is the author and the designer but I can’t catch the name of the designer because it was almost eaten out by the white and I wouldn’t know whose the designer is until I read the forewords.
2. The quality of the pictures is quite low so try to use a high quality picture next time and I can still see the disturbing outline of the female cast. Even though it’s not too visible but I spotted it by second glance. That means the picture doesn’t blend in well enough to the poster.
3. And the background is too simple. By just putting the poster again at the background doesn’t fit the bill. It could use more and different design on the back to make it more beautiful.
Forewords: 5/5 I gave you 5 because…
1. It’s complete with all the basic details it need; summary, characters, disclaimer and genre. At first, I was about to deduct a mark for not having genre but after reading your author note, you just put it at a different place, that’s all. Even though you miss background or such, it is unneeded because it’s only a nominative detail.
2. No spelling mistakes, no capitalization mistakes and no grammar mistakes in the forewords.
3. Organized and clean with no messy detail or scramble sentences.
4. And like my EST teacher always say; short but sweet.
Plot: 13/15 I give you 13 because…
1. The plot is good and I like how the story starts with TaeMin’s disease because it makes the point stressed and look important. Since, this is a one-shot so it’s better if it gets straight to the point instead of going out of the topic too much.
2. The ending is great too, despite the slight off flow; I didn’t expect he will die at the end. I thought he will survive and continue his life with what’s left of him after JaeMin’s death. And that surprise is really good. It makes the story much better.
3. To tell you the truth, I almost cry at the end at how touching the story is but the disturbing ringing of my friend’s phone call kills the mood. It’s really refreshing to read a bittersweet story such this instead of the old time happy ending story.
But I deducted 2 marks from here because…
1. The plot is too short. I expect more because you barely developed the characterization and flow too, but it ended up too fast and you didn’t give enough space for them too.
2. There is no additional action. The story goes on like a normal guy that spends all his life to become a superstar while he’s actually sick and he lost his lover too. And at last, after a few years of sorrow, he dies. The twist is there but the action is not that much. It would be better if you put a little challenging scene to support the story and it will definitely give space for the character to develop and it will extend the flow of the story. So, it’s like killing 2 birds with one stone.
Flow: 9/10 the flow is good and balance. You didn’t go off the lane too much and stick to the plot throughout the story but you lose 1 mark because…
1. I can actually see when your flow started to move a little faster than usual. The ending. From when TaeMin collapse on the stage to the rest of SHINee found out about JaeMin’s death at the end moves a little faster than the normal speed. As I said before, give time for the ending to unfold itself and don’t rush in writing them because it will ruin the fun and spoil the time frame of the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15 your grammar is good and in overall I can say you have a good English writing skill. But I can still spot a few mistakes here and there and even though it’s not too big but try not to take lightly of them because small things could become a much bigger mistake if you repeat it. Now, let’s see this one out…
1. Why. Why me.
(This is a question, yes? So every question needs to have question mark (?) behind it)
2. There was a way I could connect with her like I could no on else.
(You misspelled no on else. It is supposed to be no one else. Be careful with your typing.)
3. Past tense…
(You tend to repeat these mistakes throughout your story. At first, you use past tense then present then back to past tense again. I know you have flashback in your story but the mistake happen outside the flashback. So be careful next time.)
Characterization: 6/10 I’m aware that this is a one shot but you need to give space for each character to develop its role, especially the main character. You lost 4 because…
1. I was wondering what kind of character he will be. Sick, tired, sad. That’s all I could come out with. You should give more scenes that give him an opportunity to strengthen up his characteristic. Remember, this story is all about TaeMin, so his role is as much as important as the plot itself.
2. JaeMin. She’s caring, loving, a good listener, understanding, TaeMin’s fan and she died on a plane crash. But what more can I say about her? Her characteristic is too dreamy, no vivid image of a real girl. She’s like an angel with no impurities at all. But as I can see, her characteristic is much more complete than TaeMin.
3. You should really balance it up. The characteristic of a character play a significant role to the story because the plot moves around their life so. Every decision, attitude or habit of them influence the story line and makes it more interesting. Even though, this is a one shot but try to write more about them so the readers could understand more.
Originality: 9/10 I like your story, it’s really good. How creative you wrote it and how great the story goes. It’s like reading a 1st class drama and you definitely beat the 5 rated star of Romeo and Juliet story. You manipulate the theme of love in a way that is so rare and the way you write makes it even better. But you lose 1 mark because…
1. Love theme itself is overused and the story about someone’s lover dies in an accident is really common. But rather than putting it in car accident, you decided to use plane instead. The way you use the theme is very good and effective by those hard-to-die love fans but try to use a different theme for a change. Human can die in so many way but why accident? Because it’s the easiest way to die? Or it appears very tragic if she dies in a normal circumstance. Try to use poison or maybe she’s at a wrong place at a wrong time when there’s a robbery occurs, or maybe she die of overdosed. You can always say that she’s stress because of something and doesn’t want to tell TaeMin about it or some sort.
Writing style: 8/10 you never fail to impress me with your writing style but you lost 3 marks because…
1. You didn’t use big words. The ranges of vocabulary you use are narrow and not vary in type. Try to use rare words to make it better.
2. There are few scenes that you chop words where it shouldn’t be. You can combine them if you want and there’s no need to use period to separate them anyway. For example: Headache, I don't feel like moving. You can either type as: Headache and I don’t feel like moving or: Headache, I don’t feel like moving.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10 I enjoy your story, no need to point the reasons out because I think I just did in every thing I write about the story. Lolz. But don’t forget to watch out for spelling mistake because you can actually get full marks if you avoid the careless mistake.
Monday, 30 November 2009
Friday, 27 November 2009
Shattered Memories - 13nz
Title : Shattered Memories
Author : 13nz
URL : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/13nz/
Reviewed by : jyyms
Title: 4/5
Your title sounds really romantic to me. But I didn't give you full marks because it only concerned to four sixth of the story. Later, it wasn't about memories.
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster and background are a great piece of art. But the mood was a bit too happy for the story. "Shattered" seems to be really sad but the poster was moody.
Forewords: 5/5
Your forewords was meaningful and straight to the point. It was also short and had great details about the story. Good job.
Plot: 13/15
The plot of your story is quite interesting. I liked it how both Jaejoong and Hyun Ji lost their memories. It gave the story a twist and made it more interesting. But I didn't like it that it was a bit short for me. :P
Flow: 10/10
The flow is perfect. I don't see where you went too fast or too slow. Thumbs up for this one.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
I'm sad to give you 5 marks off but there were a lot of grammatical errors. Your spelling and vocabulary were great but you had tenses mixed up. For example..
Instead of saying ,"They were already dating for a month without no one knows. " it should be "They were already dating for a month without anyone knowing."
Characterization: 9/10
Yunho, Jaejoong and Hyun Ji were nicely shaped characters. But I need to know more about Junsu and the rest. If you could just add in bit by bit of details for the others, it would be great!
Originality: 8/10
The idea of how a couple gets into an accident and lost their memory is REALLY common in fan fiction. So it is not quite original. BUT, like I told you, the fact that both of them lost their memories was a great twist. I also like the way Jaejoong and Hyun Ji acted towards each other. It is different from most stories I have read.
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style is a bit childish but I find it very cute. I loved the way you wrote your chapters. It was easy to read and I had a warm feeling while reading it.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Aheheh. I am a BIG DBSK fan so I always enjoy reading their fan fictions. Even though my favorite isn't Jaejoong nor Junsu, I still enjoyed the story very much. I like reading romance fan fiction and yours was a good one. I like the plot and everything. Thank you for writing this story. I finished it at one go! I was that attached! :) :)
Overall score: 87/100
Great job! Loved it.
Author : 13nz
URL : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/13nz/
Reviewed by : jyyms
Title: 4/5
Your title sounds really romantic to me. But I didn't give you full marks because it only concerned to four sixth of the story. Later, it wasn't about memories.
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster and background are a great piece of art. But the mood was a bit too happy for the story. "Shattered" seems to be really sad but the poster was moody.
Forewords: 5/5
Your forewords was meaningful and straight to the point. It was also short and had great details about the story. Good job.
Plot: 13/15
The plot of your story is quite interesting. I liked it how both Jaejoong and Hyun Ji lost their memories. It gave the story a twist and made it more interesting. But I didn't like it that it was a bit short for me. :P
Flow: 10/10
The flow is perfect. I don't see where you went too fast or too slow. Thumbs up for this one.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
I'm sad to give you 5 marks off but there were a lot of grammatical errors. Your spelling and vocabulary were great but you had tenses mixed up. For example..
Instead of saying ,"They were already dating for a month without no one knows. " it should be "They were already dating for a month without anyone knowing."
Characterization: 9/10
Yunho, Jaejoong and Hyun Ji were nicely shaped characters. But I need to know more about Junsu and the rest. If you could just add in bit by bit of details for the others, it would be great!
Originality: 8/10
The idea of how a couple gets into an accident and lost their memory is REALLY common in fan fiction. So it is not quite original. BUT, like I told you, the fact that both of them lost their memories was a great twist. I also like the way Jaejoong and Hyun Ji acted towards each other. It is different from most stories I have read.
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style is a bit childish but I find it very cute. I loved the way you wrote your chapters. It was easy to read and I had a warm feeling while reading it.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Aheheh. I am a BIG DBSK fan so I always enjoy reading their fan fictions. Even though my favorite isn't Jaejoong nor Junsu, I still enjoyed the story very much. I like reading romance fan fiction and yours was a good one. I like the plot and everything. Thank you for writing this story. I finished it at one go! I was that attached! :) :)
Overall score: 87/100
Great job! Loved it.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
The Perfect You - tubbyGENx3
Story Title : The Perfect You
Author : tubbyGENx3
Story Link : http://winglin.net/fanfic/_bigBANGlovex3/
Reviewd by jyyms
Title: 5/5
Your title fits your story well, especially the second last chapter.
Poster/Background: 8/10
I didn't give you full marks because I think the mood of the story and the color didn't match very well. I think the color should be lighter, rather than being black since the story isn't that sad.
Forewords: 5/5
A perfect forewords, not too long and not short. The poem was interesting and a good start for the story. It tells the reader what the main character will be going through.
Plot: 13/15
The plot is very unique with an interesting love story, although I find it a bit weird that it was a Yoona and G-Dragon pairing, but that is just my opinion. I liked it how it was a simple love story but I suggest you elaborate more on the times Yoona and G-Dragon spent together. Because the relationship is a bit too sudden in my point of view. And the end is very beautiful, good job on that!
Flow: 9/10
The flow was right for most of the parts. There were just a few times where it was a bit confusing between what was happening in Seoul and the countryside G-Dragon was at.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
There were some spelling mistakes I noticed in your story. And I want to ask why you didn't put full stops at the end of your sentences in the first few chapters of the story. And I spotted several grammatical errors and here is an example.
Instead of this..
“Where’s your boyfriend gone?” I asked when I realised that he was gone
It should be..
"Where did your boyfriend go?"
Characterization: 8/10
G-Dragon is a very round character in this story. So is Yoona, but I feel that her personailty changes from time to time. Once, she is very shy and the next, she calls G-Dragon 'baby' and etc. Maybe it was how you wanted Yoona's character to be but I find it confusing on the connection between her actions and her personality.
Originality: 10/10
I would have to say that your story is very original although some of the ideas can be found in other stories. The events that happened throughout the story seems original and realistic so great job on that!
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style was easy for me to read and not confusing for most of the time. Your writing is very poetic when it comes to the *speeches* Ji Young and Yoona gives to each other. They were very sweet but just a tiny bit cheesy.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
I don't know if you remember me but I was one of your readers for "The Boy Whole Stole My Heart". My name was "JJ" and I finished your story in one day. It was a great one. But this, from the start, I didn't like the characters. I tried to be not biased and read this story. And I didn't like the way GD and Yoona were coupled. This is just my opinion for this story. :) I swear if it was one of DBSK, I would have enjoyed it with this kind of storyline much better.
Overall score: 83/100
Great Job dear! Hwaiting on your future stories.
Silent Heartbeat - 'Niii
Title: Silent Heartbeat [one-shot] –COMPLETED-
Author: ‘Niii
Story Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_silent/
Reviewer: Pararae
Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/
Author: ‘Niii
Story Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_silent/
Reviewer: Pararae
Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/
Title: 4/5 I like your title. It seems really interesting and I just can’t help myself to let it cut the queue and read it first. From the title, I can see that it’s a real angst and I expected a great story from a title. I guess I expected it right! There’s no capitalism problem and no spelling mistake up there too which make it look good. In overall, I can say that even if it was stacked together; title by title, like in Winglin’s case, the story is really eye-catching for those who crave for angst story and it would definitely hit the spot!
Poster/Background: 7/10 I like the poster, it’s soothing and simple. The blending is fine and the pictures arrangement is great too. I like how you centered the female and male casts’ pictures with no additional one, because sometimes, too much graphic in one poster could really be messy. The colorization is soft and splendid as the font of the title is simple yet presentable. But the font of the quote kind of off. I barely notice it the first time I look at the poster. After I finish reading the story, and look back at the poster several times, then I caught a glimpse of it. The font as if was bleached out by the back pictures so mind the opacity next time, okie.
Forewords: 4/5 the forewords are great, full with resourceful details and great summary. Just like your type of forewords, you start with a little tit bits of summary followed by the rest and end with a good author note. You never fail to impress me with your forewords writing skill and it really put the cherry on top of the vanilla ice cream to see a clean and organized intro. It’s good that you didn’t put characters’ info right under their names because it would definitely ruin the surprise and kill the curiosity of the readers. I can also spot that you miss genre and background in your forewords but don’t fidget because I think it’s unneeded. You briefly explain everything that needed to know and put out things you should keep for the last. Wholly, I think your forewords are splendid.
Plot: 13/15 I like the plot very much. The story starts when she got into an accident and goes on how she felt misfortune by losing her most treasured possession. The emotions plus actions that compliment the genre outdone itself and how you closely stick to the main point instead of dragging it, makes it less dragging and boring. You even let the readers deluded on the cliché theme as Key will fall in love with her too until the curtain call. The ending is quite eye-catchy as how simple her love could just end with no dramatic stunt. And the best part that’s really put me on a bucket of gold is when Key left her to teach his girlfriend how to play piano. At least, I know that his loyalty is attach.
Flow: 7/10 the story are quite fast. You tend to rush in finishing it. I guess because your teacher set up the limitation of words, but try to stabilize them. Give space for the ending to unfold itself perfectly and don’t waste too much space in the body and intro. Ending should be the best urging mechanism for the readers to release their breath and compliment the story, instead of rushing it to the end. So try to save an acceptable amount of space for them too. Balancing your story might be hard because not many can get a full mark but try to estimate and like my favorite unknown man said, practice makes perfect.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15 I found a few mistakes here and there but mostly it is just an accidental error, but let’s take a look at this…
1) As her emotions rose, so did her notes, her playing; the piano’s sounds were not flooding the area, overflowing it with the beautiful music of the song.
(When you say not flooding the area, do you mean were now flooding the area? Because the word not seem off from the complementation phase of sentence. I’m not sure whether you purposely put it that way or you mistype it, but correct me if I’m wrong.)
(When you say not flooding the area, do you mean were now flooding the area? Because the word not seem off from the complementation phase of sentence. I’m not sure whether you purposely put it that way or you mistype it, but correct me if I’m wrong.)
2) Songyee wanted to shut her ears, close her eyes,m and just turn away from it all. Instead, she sat there, frozen in her position.
(You mistype one part of the sentence. It’s just a minor accident but try to recheck your story again to avoid the mistake. Such mistake could ruin the story sometimes.)
(You mistype one part of the sentence. It’s just a minor accident but try to recheck your story again to avoid the mistake. Such mistake could ruin the story sometimes.)
3) Something landed n the cover of the piano she rested her elbow upon,
(You misspelled ‘on’ in ‘landed on the cover’.)
(You misspelled ‘on’ in ‘landed on the cover’.)
As you can see, your mistake basically based on careless accident, so try to be careful next time and make sure you recheck the story again. You can either do it manually or spell check, but I rather prefer you to do it manually because it will enhance the proficiency of English spelling and grammatical rules. I personally think the story is great, so it really nice to see less mistakes, more result.
Characterization: 7/10 I can get the main character, she’s not too bubbly but likable, reserved yet open and very vulnerable. Her character is like old time weak girl who waits for her prince charming to come and live her up. But that’s what makes this story good, yes? Her lack of guts also made the ending possible so I guess, she deserved some credits. But Key, even though he’s a minor in this story but his characteristic is crucial. I bet that he’s caring, loving, understanding person, like any kind of worth-dying-for guy. But there’s a part of him that I want to know more. So more info on him should be of a help to make the story more realistic because if you claim they get closer well, I’m sure it’s only normal for her to know more about him, yes?
Characterization: 7/10 I can get the main character, she’s not too bubbly but likable, reserved yet open and very vulnerable. Her character is like old time weak girl who waits for her prince charming to come and live her up. But that’s what makes this story good, yes? Her lack of guts also made the ending possible so I guess, she deserved some credits. But Key, even though he’s a minor in this story but his characteristic is crucial. I bet that he’s caring, loving, understanding person, like any kind of worth-dying-for guy. But there’s a part of him that I want to know more. So more info on him should be of a help to make the story more realistic because if you claim they get closer well, I’m sure it’s only normal for her to know more about him, yes?
Originality: 8/10 Heartbreaking theme is kind of overused nowadays, but you managed to pay it off by making it a very interesting yet remarkable story. Most people love to end their story with happy ending and certain conclusion but the way you end the story with subtle, effective cliffhanger gives my imagination the chance to continue the story in my head. I cannot tell for certain whether Key did finally fall in love with her or not because you end it with no clue. But technically, such ending is the best!
Writing style: 8/10 your writing style is good and casual with no stressing words and awkward crack scene but you like to use small words. Not that I say it’s bad but isn’t it great to use it a little? With using complicated, rare words in sentences will enhance your ability to write at a creative and professional level. But if you think getting a dictionary and dig the words out is a trouble, try to manipulate the words to create good sentences. The building of complete sentences needs to have an input of correct clause with good amount of predicate to support the subject. And different writing style gives a different result. I simply can see that your writing style can easily polish to give out a good sentence.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10 I really enjoy your story and I love it more when it is as good as yours. The plot and story line really boost me out of my review-block mood. Just try to make less careless mistake and try to balance the story based on limitation because I can see that you can do better.
Overall score: 80/100
Saturday, 14 November 2009
The First and Last One by tubbyGENx3
Title: The First and Last One
Author: tubbyGENx3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/2Shots1/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 4/5
I understand that it was inspired by a song, but it’s not particularly eye-catching.
Poster/Background: 9/10
I really liked the poster, and the font color made for easy reading! I do think a sort of blue would have fit the story’s mood better: blue for melancholy…
Forewords: 5/5
Okay, I will admit: I literally started laughing at this point. For full explanation, I was the girl, ANDI!!!, that left you a comment. What I found so hilarious is explained in that comment. But other than that, the forewords were perfect. You described what was happening and who the characters were. Plus, you gave a background of their relationship, in a way. Excellent job!
Plot: 13/15
Someone contracting a disease, loved ones getting hearts broken…now where have I heard that before? Just about every drama out there. It’s either they held hands and she’s pregnant or she coughed and WHAM! She’s got cancer.
Flow: 10/10
Perfect-o! Nothing dragged. Everything flowed perfectly.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You used excellent details, but there were a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. Clean your sentences up and watch for them darn commas!
Characterization: 8/10
Who was Naomi? Was she Mi Young’s sister, or was she her best friend? So confused!
Originality: 8/10
I did say there are a lot of stories with disease-ridden characters, but there aren’t a lot of ones that deal directly with having Alzheimer. That was a really creative touch.
Writing style: 9/10
Nothing wrong, but your sentence structures left me with, “???” There were times when you forgot the comma after dialogue, but I won’t dock you points for that. You had clear and precise writing. Good job!
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
You almost made me tear up! This was a very touching story! It really got me. I mean, I don’t know anyone with Alzheimer, but I do know a person who has a case of moderate amnesia. He can’t remember anything from before his…tenth birthday or something like that. He lives with it though, and this story totally reminded me of him. I loved reading this story!
Overall score: 88/100
** (Since you asked for it earlier) here is the link to my story, Love in Silence: www.winglin.net/fanfic/andilovesyou. That is one FREAKY coincidence. **
Author: tubbyGENx3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/2Shots1/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 4/5
I understand that it was inspired by a song, but it’s not particularly eye-catching.
Poster/Background: 9/10
I really liked the poster, and the font color made for easy reading! I do think a sort of blue would have fit the story’s mood better: blue for melancholy…
Forewords: 5/5
Okay, I will admit: I literally started laughing at this point. For full explanation, I was the girl, ANDI!!!, that left you a comment. What I found so hilarious is explained in that comment. But other than that, the forewords were perfect. You described what was happening and who the characters were. Plus, you gave a background of their relationship, in a way. Excellent job!
Plot: 13/15
Someone contracting a disease, loved ones getting hearts broken…now where have I heard that before? Just about every drama out there. It’s either they held hands and she’s pregnant or she coughed and WHAM! She’s got cancer.
Flow: 10/10
Perfect-o! Nothing dragged. Everything flowed perfectly.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You used excellent details, but there were a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. Clean your sentences up and watch for them darn commas!
Characterization: 8/10
Who was Naomi? Was she Mi Young’s sister, or was she her best friend? So confused!
Originality: 8/10
I did say there are a lot of stories with disease-ridden characters, but there aren’t a lot of ones that deal directly with having Alzheimer. That was a really creative touch.
Writing style: 9/10
Nothing wrong, but your sentence structures left me with, “???” There were times when you forgot the comma after dialogue, but I won’t dock you points for that. You had clear and precise writing. Good job!
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
You almost made me tear up! This was a very touching story! It really got me. I mean, I don’t know anyone with Alzheimer, but I do know a person who has a case of moderate amnesia. He can’t remember anything from before his…tenth birthday or something like that. He lives with it though, and this story totally reminded me of him. I loved reading this story!
Overall score: 88/100
** (Since you asked for it earlier) here is the link to my story, Love in Silence: www.winglin.net/fanfic/andilovesyou. That is one FREAKY coincidence. **
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
A wonderful Childhood by morning_glory
Story Title: A wonderful Childhood
Story Author: morning_glory
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/morning_glory1/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 3/5
It fits the story, but it isn't very... catchy unfortunately.
Poster/Background: 10/10
really cute! I love the brightness, and the amazing yellow. Also, the purple text was a perfect complementary contrast ^^
Forewords: /
Can't grade you on this since there... isn't really a forewords o.o
Plot: 8/15
Was super short and pretty straightforeward, but I thought that the little kid friendship turning into first love was really cute.
Flow: 10/10
It all seemed to happen in good time to me ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15
You have a lot of unnescessary commas in almost every sentence. Unless you're listing something or linking two sentences, you don't really need a comma. There are some exceptions, but you didn't really have too many in this story.
Characterization: 4/10
I love the character choices, but they lacked detail and you didn't really build into them that much. If they would have fallen off a cliff I don't think that any of the readers would have really cared that much. There needed to be more to their personalities.
Orginality: 6/10
What do the F and L stand for on the necklaces? First and Love? OH. (has now read the second part) but in the first part you said that they were F and L, and in the second you said L and R... which is it? either way, the other half of the necklace thing was really cute and romantic and all, but not that unique. I have seen the concept many times. Same with the meeting your old first love/ childhood friend again after many years.
Writing style: 7/10
You lack detail in many areas in your writing... besides the necklace there was relatively none. Though your writing style is easy to understand.
Overall enjoyment: 5/10
This was kind of boring to me. I didn't really see a point in it except to say that true love is forever. But besides that the whole story seemed like... idunno just seemed like a bedtime tale that no one really remembers because they're half asleep when they hear it, rather than a detailed and exciting story. I would have loved if there was more to the story, and more memorable scenes between the two.
Overall score: 63/90
Story Author: morning_glory
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/morning_glory1/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 3/5
It fits the story, but it isn't very... catchy unfortunately.
Poster/Background: 10/10
really cute! I love the brightness, and the amazing yellow. Also, the purple text was a perfect complementary contrast ^^
Forewords: /
Can't grade you on this since there... isn't really a forewords o.o
Plot: 8/15
Was super short and pretty straightforeward, but I thought that the little kid friendship turning into first love was really cute.
Flow: 10/10
It all seemed to happen in good time to me ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15
You have a lot of unnescessary commas in almost every sentence. Unless you're listing something or linking two sentences, you don't really need a comma. There are some exceptions, but you didn't really have too many in this story.
Characterization: 4/10
I love the character choices, but they lacked detail and you didn't really build into them that much. If they would have fallen off a cliff I don't think that any of the readers would have really cared that much. There needed to be more to their personalities.
Orginality: 6/10
What do the F and L stand for on the necklaces? First and Love? OH. (has now read the second part) but in the first part you said that they were F and L, and in the second you said L and R... which is it? either way, the other half of the necklace thing was really cute and romantic and all, but not that unique. I have seen the concept many times. Same with the meeting your old first love/ childhood friend again after many years.
Writing style: 7/10
You lack detail in many areas in your writing... besides the necklace there was relatively none. Though your writing style is easy to understand.
Overall enjoyment: 5/10
This was kind of boring to me. I didn't really see a point in it except to say that true love is forever. But besides that the whole story seemed like... idunno just seemed like a bedtime tale that no one really remembers because they're half asleep when they hear it, rather than a detailed and exciting story. I would have loved if there was more to the story, and more memorable scenes between the two.
Overall score: 63/90
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Reset by Susan Lee
Name: Susan Lee
Story Title : Reset
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan2/
Reviewer: changminXmc
Title: 4/5
* The title was a good choice, but in my opinion, it was too simple. I thought you could've added another word with it without just one word.
Poster/Background: 7/10
* The poster was beautiful, but it feels like its lacking something. Its lacking a feelings for me. But it was a really beautiful poster though. And the background was nice as well.
Forewords: 3/5
* I don't know....it didn't really catch my attention if I was a reader nor as a reviewer. But don't mind me, it was good. Just confusing cause I didn't some of what was happening at some sneak peeks.
Plot: 10/15
* The plot wasn't really new to me. I've seen this plot used around on winglin.
Flow: 9/10
* Your flow was good, there wasn't any rush here or there. A steady pace.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 14/15
* You had little spelling errors, so it was no big deal. Besides that, you done great!
Characterization: 10/10
* Your casting was great! You listed who was in it, their age, name, and personality. It gives us information on who the casting are and how they are like. ^^
Orginality: 8/10
* It wasn't something new, but I did like that you didn't base it off any movies or other ideas, and changed the plot a bit. Its just that when you brought YooBin back into Suju's life, I've already read something like it so it wasn't so original anymore.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is really good! While reading it, I could understand it clearly. Keep up the good work!
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
* I did not enjoy reviewing this story or reading it. The story didn't catch my attention. It didn't make me wanting to go back and check for updates. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I just didn't enjoy it. But you are a good writer, its just, Suju's story aren't much my type even though I like them. xD Hope you don't take it personally, and only to make you improve on your writings.
Overall score: 83/100
P.s.
Thats a pretty good score! Keep it up!
Story Title : Reset
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan2/
Reviewer: changminXmc
Title: 4/5
* The title was a good choice, but in my opinion, it was too simple. I thought you could've added another word with it without just one word.
Poster/Background: 7/10
* The poster was beautiful, but it feels like its lacking something. Its lacking a feelings for me. But it was a really beautiful poster though. And the background was nice as well.
Forewords: 3/5
* I don't know....it didn't really catch my attention if I was a reader nor as a reviewer. But don't mind me, it was good. Just confusing cause I didn't some of what was happening at some sneak peeks.
Plot: 10/15
* The plot wasn't really new to me. I've seen this plot used around on winglin.
Flow: 9/10
* Your flow was good, there wasn't any rush here or there. A steady pace.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 14/15
* You had little spelling errors, so it was no big deal. Besides that, you done great!
Characterization: 10/10
* Your casting was great! You listed who was in it, their age, name, and personality. It gives us information on who the casting are and how they are like. ^^
Orginality: 8/10
* It wasn't something new, but I did like that you didn't base it off any movies or other ideas, and changed the plot a bit. Its just that when you brought YooBin back into Suju's life, I've already read something like it so it wasn't so original anymore.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is really good! While reading it, I could understand it clearly. Keep up the good work!
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
* I did not enjoy reviewing this story or reading it. The story didn't catch my attention. It didn't make me wanting to go back and check for updates. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I just didn't enjoy it. But you are a good writer, its just, Suju's story aren't much my type even though I like them. xD Hope you don't take it personally, and only to make you improve on your writings.
Overall score: 83/100
P.s.
Thats a pretty good score! Keep it up!
Accidental Love by Jian You
Title: Accidental Love
Author: Jian You
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/chinyy/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 3/5
It’s not particularly eye-catching, but it does stir some interest. I was kind of like, “How can love be accidental? Shouldn’t it be fate?” Yeah, I’m a dork. Leave me alone. ^^
Poster/Background: 7/10
Okay, the poster was awesome. Literally awesome. The background left me dizzy. It doesn’t even match the poster’s color schemes! It was the designer’s…fault? I don’t want to say that, but as an artist, she should have realized that those colors really just don’t work together. They clash horribly. So, it’s not your fault, but I still got to dock you.
Forewords: 5/5
It was structured the way forewords should be structured. Excellent, most excellent!
Plot: 14/15
Aww, a EunHae story! I don’t read too many of them because most are the same: they are in love, things go sour for a bit, but then they don’t, blah, blah, blah…for some reason, your story seemed different than the others. I liked how you portrayed Donghae’s conflict with his father. Maybe it was the alternate endings…and just so you know, you did make me tear up a little when Donghae died.
Complete 180: Your rated scene wasn’t as rated as I thought it was going to be. I was all pumped and all, “Yeah! Yaoi! Gotta get in the mood!” and then I read the scene, and this huge “Awwwww!” came out of my system.
Flow: 10/10
Great. Nothing wrong here. (Argh, my computer keeps wanting to put “Wong” instead of “wrong”!)
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
No one’s perfect with spelling, although I didn’t find too many mistakes in your story. What I didn’t see was a lot of attention to detail. Extend your vocabulary! Now I’m not saying to pick up a dictionary and read it, because that would be stupid and pointless. Who reads the dictionary for FUN? Just put in more vibrant imagery words instead of using the same ones over and over again.
Also, when you write rated scenes, NEVER use “cum.” Believe me. I’ve written many a love scene, and that word is a serious last resort. Why? A) it’s so childish and immature, and b) using it makes you seem like a newb. Use more mature words, such as “orgasm” or “climaxed” and the occasional “come” or “came.” The three-lettered word is used by amateurs, and sweetheart you are no amateur.
Characterization: 8/10
Eh, they weren’t really anything special, in my opinion.
Originality: 9/10
The shooting scene was definitely original. ^^ (Should I use a happy face after that?) I haven’t read its equivalent.
Writing style: 8/10
Not many people feel comfortable using present tense, but you pulled it off. I just didn’t like the switching of POVs. It didn’t confuse me; I just have this huge dislike for it. Other than that, you did a great job!
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
You made me cry. Feel special, because I hardly ever cry. I cried at some points in Chasing Taboo, I cried while reading the seventh Harry Potter book, and I cried during this story. It really touched me. You are an awesome writer, and if you ever need a review again for another of your stories, request at Lost Shadows! I’m out!
Overall score: 85/100
Author: Jian You
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/chinyy/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 3/5
It’s not particularly eye-catching, but it does stir some interest. I was kind of like, “How can love be accidental? Shouldn’t it be fate?” Yeah, I’m a dork. Leave me alone. ^^
Poster/Background: 7/10
Okay, the poster was awesome. Literally awesome. The background left me dizzy. It doesn’t even match the poster’s color schemes! It was the designer’s…fault? I don’t want to say that, but as an artist, she should have realized that those colors really just don’t work together. They clash horribly. So, it’s not your fault, but I still got to dock you.
Forewords: 5/5
It was structured the way forewords should be structured. Excellent, most excellent!
Plot: 14/15
Aww, a EunHae story! I don’t read too many of them because most are the same: they are in love, things go sour for a bit, but then they don’t, blah, blah, blah…for some reason, your story seemed different than the others. I liked how you portrayed Donghae’s conflict with his father. Maybe it was the alternate endings…and just so you know, you did make me tear up a little when Donghae died.
Complete 180: Your rated scene wasn’t as rated as I thought it was going to be. I was all pumped and all, “Yeah! Yaoi! Gotta get in the mood!” and then I read the scene, and this huge “Awwwww!” came out of my system.
Flow: 10/10
Great. Nothing wrong here. (Argh, my computer keeps wanting to put “Wong” instead of “wrong”!)
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
No one’s perfect with spelling, although I didn’t find too many mistakes in your story. What I didn’t see was a lot of attention to detail. Extend your vocabulary! Now I’m not saying to pick up a dictionary and read it, because that would be stupid and pointless. Who reads the dictionary for FUN? Just put in more vibrant imagery words instead of using the same ones over and over again.
Also, when you write rated scenes, NEVER use “cum.” Believe me. I’ve written many a love scene, and that word is a serious last resort. Why? A) it’s so childish and immature, and b) using it makes you seem like a newb. Use more mature words, such as “orgasm” or “climaxed” and the occasional “come” or “came.” The three-lettered word is used by amateurs, and sweetheart you are no amateur.
Characterization: 8/10
Eh, they weren’t really anything special, in my opinion.
Originality: 9/10
The shooting scene was definitely original. ^^ (Should I use a happy face after that?) I haven’t read its equivalent.
Writing style: 8/10
Not many people feel comfortable using present tense, but you pulled it off. I just didn’t like the switching of POVs. It didn’t confuse me; I just have this huge dislike for it. Other than that, you did a great job!
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
You made me cry. Feel special, because I hardly ever cry. I cried at some points in Chasing Taboo, I cried while reading the seventh Harry Potter book, and I cried during this story. It really touched me. You are an awesome writer, and if you ever need a review again for another of your stories, request at Lost Shadows! I’m out!
Overall score: 85/100
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Autumn Memories by Star-chan
Story Title: Autumn Memories
Story Author: Star-Chan
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/autumnmemories/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 5/5
It fit the storyline perfectly, and I would have been able to pick it out on the winglin page. It's very unique ^^
Poster/Background: 10/10
Very cute ^^ I love how the poster kind of blends into the background, and the font against the BG isn't an eye sore ^^
Forewords: 5/5
Perfect ^^ A short teaser, a kind of title page, and the main character. very good *two thumbs up*
Plot: 12/15
SHE LIVED!!! That was an interesting twist that I haven't seen in a while. Especially because you made it sound like she was going to die. I love how she wrote a song for them and how he played it for his debut ^^ really romantic and cute. but the Beginning doesn't make sense with the rest of the story. You make it sound as if that's all they have left of the other... but she lived so... I don't really know how that ties in.
Flow: 7/10
This all seemed to happen in really good time, but I became a little confused when you went from "nothing would prepare me for what would happen the next day" to him wondering if she would remember him. Did she fall into a coma? You didn't really make that clear, so I'm just assuming. otherwise, good job with the flow ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15
It's smooth texture, shining black coat of paint. (forewards)
Its (also, this is a fragment of a sentence so it isn't complete. there isn't a subject >.<)
The first time I met you, was by the river, wasn't it?
You don't need a comma after you
Though bearing a burden, a burden that could never be released, you smiled; and it'd make up anyone's day.
improper use of a semicolon, you could either use just a comma, or you could take out the 'and' after the semicolon
Worried that I had came too late
Worried that I had come too late
I would only smile, thinking of you, and telling them that it was a gift
I would only smile, thinking of you, and tell them that it was a gift or I would only smile, thinking of you and telling them that it was a gift.
Characterization: 6/10
There could have been more here, to both their personalities and their appearance.
Orginality: 6/10
Eh cancer is not a unique catagory on winglin or in dramas. Actually I think it's the most used thing o.o But besides that, I think that the music thing was cute, but I've seen it before >.<
Writing style: 8/10
You have really descriptive writing which I loved, but I think that you could have put a little bit more into the characters and their personalities. It makes the story more sad in the long run, or more happy that she lived.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
I did enjoy this story line, but I didn't really feel emotional afterwards. It was an excellently written story, but I wish there would have been more too it. Maybe a little bit longer, a few more details, building on the characters a little bit more...
Overall score: 79/100
Story Author: Star-Chan
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/autumnmemories/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 5/5
It fit the storyline perfectly, and I would have been able to pick it out on the winglin page. It's very unique ^^
Poster/Background: 10/10
Very cute ^^ I love how the poster kind of blends into the background, and the font against the BG isn't an eye sore ^^
Forewords: 5/5
Perfect ^^ A short teaser, a kind of title page, and the main character. very good *two thumbs up*
Plot: 12/15
SHE LIVED!!! That was an interesting twist that I haven't seen in a while. Especially because you made it sound like she was going to die. I love how she wrote a song for them and how he played it for his debut ^^ really romantic and cute. but the Beginning doesn't make sense with the rest of the story. You make it sound as if that's all they have left of the other... but she lived so... I don't really know how that ties in.
Flow: 7/10
This all seemed to happen in really good time, but I became a little confused when you went from "nothing would prepare me for what would happen the next day" to him wondering if she would remember him. Did she fall into a coma? You didn't really make that clear, so I'm just assuming. otherwise, good job with the flow ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15
It's smooth texture, shining black coat of paint. (forewards)
Its (also, this is a fragment of a sentence so it isn't complete. there isn't a subject >.<)
The first time I met you, was by the river, wasn't it?
You don't need a comma after you
Though bearing a burden, a burden that could never be released, you smiled; and it'd make up anyone's day.
improper use of a semicolon, you could either use just a comma, or you could take out the 'and' after the semicolon
Worried that I had came too late
Worried that I had come too late
I would only smile, thinking of you, and telling them that it was a gift
I would only smile, thinking of you, and tell them that it was a gift or I would only smile, thinking of you and telling them that it was a gift.
Characterization: 6/10
There could have been more here, to both their personalities and their appearance.
Orginality: 6/10
Eh cancer is not a unique catagory on winglin or in dramas. Actually I think it's the most used thing o.o But besides that, I think that the music thing was cute, but I've seen it before >.<
Writing style: 8/10
You have really descriptive writing which I loved, but I think that you could have put a little bit more into the characters and their personalities. It makes the story more sad in the long run, or more happy that she lived.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
I did enjoy this story line, but I didn't really feel emotional afterwards. It was an excellently written story, but I wish there would have been more too it. Maybe a little bit longer, a few more details, building on the characters a little bit more...
Overall score: 79/100
Sunday, 1 November 2009
A Typical Day by nikki
Name: nikki
Story Title : A Typical Day
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/typicalday/
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 3/5
-The story went along with the story for now, since the story is so short that I can’t really judge it. But when I first looked at it, I thought it was going to be another story that was regular and nothing really unique or special.
Poster/Background: 7/10
-First of all, I think that the background is too boring. Even though it fits with the poster, I don’t think that it fits with the story. Second, so far (story is really, really short) I think that the poster doesn’t even fit the story. Third, it looks like there’s too many things mashed up. The colors are beautiful, but I think that there’s too much in it. Four, I don’t think that the story will turn out like the poster.
Forewords: 0/5
-I’m sorry, but the foreword told us NOTHING. It didn’t say anything about the plot, the characters, or even what it was about. The only thing that it told us was that the author would be revealed later on, but that’s not very interesting to me.
Plot: 6/15
-Well, there’s only 1 chapter so far, and there’s supposed to be at least 4 to be reviewed, so I’m going to have to give you a low grade for this. The only thing that I liked about the story was that it was very detailed. That is probably the only thing that was good. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that much points. Also, ‘Typical Day’ isn’t really interesting to me, so I predict that it will just be a normal day. Although, the first chapter was kind of eye-catching. Maybe something will change once the story progresses on.
Flow: 8/10
-I can’t tell much from the story, but so far, the flow is pretty good. But for what I know, it could change later on.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15
-This is the category that you major in. You use huge words that I don’t understand (some of them), which is a very good thing. It teaches the reader some interesting words. Also, I haven’t spotted a spelling error or a grammar mistake, so this is great!
Characterization: 8/10
-I’m sorry, but I don’t really know the character that much to judge her, but it seems like she’s the person that looks like she usually forgets stuff and has a clumsy personality.
Originality: 6/10
-Like I said, I’m going to have to judge only the first chapter and the title for this one. I don’t really know what to write, so I can’t reduce that much points but neither give you a high mark.
Writing style: 8/10
-The problem that I have with your story is that I think there should be more paragraphs because one; they are easier to read. Two, it looks more professional. If there are huge paragraphs, I don’t think that it will be that great. And third, it’s better and it puts less strain on the eye because since there is a bunch of sentence, the human eye has to catch up. Sorry if it doesn’t sound correct, but that’s just my opinion.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-I think that the story was pretty okay. The only thing that made this so difficult was that the story was so short ! Please, next time- write one that’s longer.
Overall score: 69/100
Well, I think it’s a 69. I hope this doesn’t offend you in any way. I am just doing my job as a reviewer.
Story Title : A Typical Day
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/typicalday/
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 3/5
-The story went along with the story for now, since the story is so short that I can’t really judge it. But when I first looked at it, I thought it was going to be another story that was regular and nothing really unique or special.
Poster/Background: 7/10
-First of all, I think that the background is too boring. Even though it fits with the poster, I don’t think that it fits with the story. Second, so far (story is really, really short) I think that the poster doesn’t even fit the story. Third, it looks like there’s too many things mashed up. The colors are beautiful, but I think that there’s too much in it. Four, I don’t think that the story will turn out like the poster.
Forewords: 0/5
-I’m sorry, but the foreword told us NOTHING. It didn’t say anything about the plot, the characters, or even what it was about. The only thing that it told us was that the author would be revealed later on, but that’s not very interesting to me.
Plot: 6/15
-Well, there’s only 1 chapter so far, and there’s supposed to be at least 4 to be reviewed, so I’m going to have to give you a low grade for this. The only thing that I liked about the story was that it was very detailed. That is probably the only thing that was good. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that much points. Also, ‘Typical Day’ isn’t really interesting to me, so I predict that it will just be a normal day. Although, the first chapter was kind of eye-catching. Maybe something will change once the story progresses on.
Flow: 8/10
-I can’t tell much from the story, but so far, the flow is pretty good. But for what I know, it could change later on.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15
-This is the category that you major in. You use huge words that I don’t understand (some of them), which is a very good thing. It teaches the reader some interesting words. Also, I haven’t spotted a spelling error or a grammar mistake, so this is great!
Characterization: 8/10
-I’m sorry, but I don’t really know the character that much to judge her, but it seems like she’s the person that looks like she usually forgets stuff and has a clumsy personality.
Originality: 6/10
-Like I said, I’m going to have to judge only the first chapter and the title for this one. I don’t really know what to write, so I can’t reduce that much points but neither give you a high mark.
Writing style: 8/10
-The problem that I have with your story is that I think there should be more paragraphs because one; they are easier to read. Two, it looks more professional. If there are huge paragraphs, I don’t think that it will be that great. And third, it’s better and it puts less strain on the eye because since there is a bunch of sentence, the human eye has to catch up. Sorry if it doesn’t sound correct, but that’s just my opinion.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-I think that the story was pretty okay. The only thing that made this so difficult was that the story was so short ! Please, next time- write one that’s longer.
Overall score: 69/100
Well, I think it’s a 69. I hope this doesn’t offend you in any way. I am just doing my job as a reviewer.
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