The First and Last One by tubbyGENx3

Title: The First and Last One
Author: tubbyGENx3
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/2Shots1/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows

Title: 4/5
I understand that it was inspired by a song, but it’s not particularly eye-catching.

Poster/Background: 9/10
I really liked the poster, and the font color made for easy reading! I do think a sort of blue would have fit the story’s mood better: blue for melancholy…

Forewords: 5/5
Okay, I will admit: I literally started laughing at this point. For full explanation, I was the girl, ANDI!!!, that left you a comment. What I found so hilarious is explained in that comment. But other than that, the forewords were perfect. You described what was happening and who the characters were. Plus, you gave a background of their relationship, in a way. Excellent job!

Plot: 13/15
Someone contracting a disease, loved ones getting hearts broken…now where have I heard that before? Just about every drama out there. It’s either they held hands and she’s pregnant or she coughed and WHAM! She’s got cancer.

Flow: 10/10
Perfect-o! Nothing dragged. Everything flowed perfectly.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You used excellent details, but there were a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. Clean your sentences up and watch for them darn commas!

Characterization: 8/10
Who was Naomi? Was she Mi Young’s sister, or was she her best friend? So confused!

Originality: 8/10
I did say there are a lot of stories with disease-ridden characters, but there aren’t a lot of ones that deal directly with having Alzheimer. That was a really creative touch.

Writing style: 9/10
Nothing wrong, but your sentence structures left me with, “???” There were times when you forgot the comma after dialogue, but I won’t dock you points for that. You had clear and precise writing. Good job!

Overall enjoyment: 9/10
You almost made me tear up! This was a very touching story! It really got me. I mean, I don’t know anyone with Alzheimer, but I do know a person who has a case of moderate amnesia. He can’t remember anything from before his…tenth birthday or something like that. He lives with it though, and this story totally reminded me of him. I loved reading this story!

Overall score: 88/100

** (Since you asked for it earlier) here is the link to my story, Love in Silence: www.winglin.net/fanfic/andilovesyou. That is one FREAKY coincidence. **