Because i know - 'Niii

Title: Because I Know [one-shot]

Author: ‘Niii

Story Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_know/

Reviewer: Pararae

Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/



Note: Seems that I always write a review in paragraph/continuous writing, I am experimenting with a new technique. Point form! Lolz. I thought it will be much easier to understand and very organized. Well, at least, that’s what I think. But I want to know your opinion on it, okay ‘Niii? Please~ if it’s bad, I’ll stick to the old one XD



Here goes…



Title: 4/5 I gave you 4 because…

1. Your title suits the story well. It is derived from the plot itself and clearly hints the readers that TaeMin knew what happen which no one else did. And even so, he believes and knows that she’s here for him.
2. It gives out a brilliant mood of angst. I could stare at the title, knowing it will be a sad story without looking at any other detail you provide. It’s really impressing to see the title that could do many tricks by just simple words.
3. Even though your title is simple and technically hanging because there’s no predicate to support the subject claimed, but it is more than acceptable. Instead of putting a long sentence up there but not doing well as title will be a waste anyway. The way you summarize the story with simple quote makes it more interesting.
4. And it could also drive a curiosity out of someone. The first time I saw the title, I wonder what he knew. And this makes me want to read it more. Wholly, I can say that this title is good, short but interesting.



But you lose 1 mark because I think by using big words as a title could do a better job. Try to find a phrase with complicated words yet compliment the story well and fit all of the description above. I think it will make it more interesting because, for example: If you walk around and saw Psychosis Attraction and Crazy Attraction on Winglin, which one would you prefer? They are mainly about the same thing but the words are different and these words could effect one’s opinion towards a story.



Poster/Background: 7/10 I like your poster, it’s really beautiful and I think it really boost the story. The color of brilliant black is very elegant and my favorite too. The title fonts are great and the supporting design is good too but you lose 3 marks because…



1. The color of small font below the title is very hard to see. It says who is the author and the designer but I can’t catch the name of the designer because it was almost eaten out by the white and I wouldn’t know whose the designer is until I read the forewords.
2. The quality of the pictures is quite low so try to use a high quality picture next time and I can still see the disturbing outline of the female cast. Even though it’s not too visible but I spotted it by second glance. That means the picture doesn’t blend in well enough to the poster.
3. And the background is too simple. By just putting the poster again at the background doesn’t fit the bill. It could use more and different design on the back to make it more beautiful.



Forewords: 5/5 I gave you 5 because…

1. It’s complete with all the basic details it need; summary, characters, disclaimer and genre. At first, I was about to deduct a mark for not having genre but after reading your author note, you just put it at a different place, that’s all. Even though you miss background or such, it is unneeded because it’s only a nominative detail.
2. No spelling mistakes, no capitalization mistakes and no grammar mistakes in the forewords.
3. Organized and clean with no messy detail or scramble sentences.
4. And like my EST teacher always say; short but sweet.



Plot: 13/15 I give you 13 because…

1. The plot is good and I like how the story starts with TaeMin’s disease because it makes the point stressed and look important. Since, this is a one-shot so it’s better if it gets straight to the point instead of going out of the topic too much.
2. The ending is great too, despite the slight off flow; I didn’t expect he will die at the end. I thought he will survive and continue his life with what’s left of him after JaeMin’s death. And that surprise is really good. It makes the story much better.
3. To tell you the truth, I almost cry at the end at how touching the story is but the disturbing ringing of my friend’s phone call kills the mood. It’s really refreshing to read a bittersweet story such this instead of the old time happy ending story.



But I deducted 2 marks from here because…



1. The plot is too short. I expect more because you barely developed the characterization and flow too, but it ended up too fast and you didn’t give enough space for them too.
2. There is no additional action. The story goes on like a normal guy that spends all his life to become a superstar while he’s actually sick and he lost his lover too. And at last, after a few years of sorrow, he dies. The twist is there but the action is not that much. It would be better if you put a little challenging scene to support the story and it will definitely give space for the character to develop and it will extend the flow of the story. So, it’s like killing 2 birds with one stone.



Flow: 9/10 the flow is good and balance. You didn’t go off the lane too much and stick to the plot throughout the story but you lose 1 mark because…



1. I can actually see when your flow started to move a little faster than usual. The ending. From when TaeMin collapse on the stage to the rest of SHINee found out about JaeMin’s death at the end moves a little faster than the normal speed. As I said before, give time for the ending to unfold itself and don’t rush in writing them because it will ruin the fun and spoil the time frame of the story.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15 your grammar is good and in overall I can say you have a good English writing skill. But I can still spot a few mistakes here and there and even though it’s not too big but try not to take lightly of them because small things could become a much bigger mistake if you repeat it. Now, let’s see this one out…



1. Why. Why me.

(This is a question, yes? So every question needs to have question mark (?) behind it)



2. There was a way I could connect with her like I could no on else.

(You misspelled no on else. It is supposed to be no one else. Be careful with your typing.)



3. Past tense…

(You tend to repeat these mistakes throughout your story. At first, you use past tense then present then back to past tense again. I know you have flashback in your story but the mistake happen outside the flashback. So be careful next time.)



Characterization: 6/10 I’m aware that this is a one shot but you need to give space for each character to develop its role, especially the main character. You lost 4 because…



1. I was wondering what kind of character he will be. Sick, tired, sad. That’s all I could come out with. You should give more scenes that give him an opportunity to strengthen up his characteristic. Remember, this story is all about TaeMin, so his role is as much as important as the plot itself.
2. JaeMin. She’s caring, loving, a good listener, understanding, TaeMin’s fan and she died on a plane crash. But what more can I say about her? Her characteristic is too dreamy, no vivid image of a real girl. She’s like an angel with no impurities at all. But as I can see, her characteristic is much more complete than TaeMin.
3. You should really balance it up. The characteristic of a character play a significant role to the story because the plot moves around their life so. Every decision, attitude or habit of them influence the story line and makes it more interesting. Even though, this is a one shot but try to write more about them so the readers could understand more.



Originality: 9/10 I like your story, it’s really good. How creative you wrote it and how great the story goes. It’s like reading a 1st class drama and you definitely beat the 5 rated star of Romeo and Juliet story. You manipulate the theme of love in a way that is so rare and the way you write makes it even better. But you lose 1 mark because…



1. Love theme itself is overused and the story about someone’s lover dies in an accident is really common. But rather than putting it in car accident, you decided to use plane instead. The way you use the theme is very good and effective by those hard-to-die love fans but try to use a different theme for a change. Human can die in so many way but why accident? Because it’s the easiest way to die? Or it appears very tragic if she dies in a normal circumstance. Try to use poison or maybe she’s at a wrong place at a wrong time when there’s a robbery occurs, or maybe she die of overdosed. You can always say that she’s stress because of something and doesn’t want to tell TaeMin about it or some sort.



Writing style: 8/10 you never fail to impress me with your writing style but you lost 3 marks because…



1. You didn’t use big words. The ranges of vocabulary you use are narrow and not vary in type. Try to use rare words to make it better.
2. There are few scenes that you chop words where it shouldn’t be. You can combine them if you want and there’s no need to use period to separate them anyway. For example: Headache, I don't feel like moving. You can either type as: Headache and I don’t feel like moving or: Headache, I don’t feel like moving.



Overall enjoyment: 9/10 I enjoy your story, no need to point the reasons out because I think I just did in every thing I write about the story. Lolz. But don’t forget to watch out for spelling mistake because you can actually get full marks if you avoid the careless mistake.