Autumn Memories by Star-chan

Story Title: Autumn Memories
Story Author: Star-Chan
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/autumnmemories/
Reviewer: Darkess

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*


Title: 5/5

It fit the storyline perfectly, and I would have been able to pick it out on the winglin page. It's very unique ^^

Poster/Background: 10/10

Very cute ^^ I love how the poster kind of blends into the background, and the font against the BG isn't an eye sore ^^

Forewords: 5/5

Perfect ^^ A short teaser, a kind of title page, and the main character. very good *two thumbs up*

Plot: 12/15

SHE LIVED!!! That was an interesting twist that I haven't seen in a while. Especially because you made it sound like she was going to die. I love how she wrote a song for them and how he played it for his debut ^^ really romantic and cute. but the Beginning doesn't make sense with the rest of the story. You make it sound as if that's all they have left of the other... but she lived so... I don't really know how that ties in.

Flow: 7/10

This all seemed to happen in really good time, but I became a little confused when you went from "nothing would prepare me for what would happen the next day" to him wondering if she would remember him. Did she fall into a coma? You didn't really make that clear, so I'm just assuming. otherwise, good job with the flow ^^

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15

It's smooth texture, shining black coat of paint. (forewards)

Its (also, this is a fragment of a sentence so it isn't complete. there isn't a subject >.<)

The first time I met you, was by the river, wasn't it?

You don't need a comma after you

Though bearing a burden, a burden that could never be released, you smiled; and it'd make up anyone's day.

improper use of a semicolon, you could either use just a comma, or you could take out the 'and' after the semicolon

Worried that I had came too late

Worried that I had come too late

I would only smile, thinking of you, and telling them that it was a gift

I would only smile, thinking of you, and tell them that it was a gift or I would only smile, thinking of you and telling them that it was a gift.

Characterization: 6/10

There could have been more here, to both their personalities and their appearance.

Orginality: 6/10

Eh cancer is not a unique catagory on winglin or in dramas. Actually I think it's the most used thing o.o But besides that, I think that the music thing was cute, but I've seen it before >.<

Writing style: 8/10

You have really descriptive writing which I loved, but I think that you could have put a little bit more into the characters and their personalities. It makes the story more sad in the long run, or more happy that she lived.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

I did enjoy this story line, but I didn't really feel emotional afterwards. It was an excellently written story, but I wish there would have been more too it. Maybe a little bit longer, a few more details, building on the characters a little bit more...

Overall score: 79/100