Story Title: Till My Last Breath
Story Author: jyyms
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jyyms3/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 5/5
Perfect
Poster/Background: 8/10
*gasps* SO PRETTY! I love it so much ^^ but I can't really read the quotes. Like I can but I have to lean in a lot >< just wishing they would have been a little bigger, but I love how it was like in a movie poster form o.o SO AWESOME
Forewords: 5/5
The forewards isvery intimidating, and it completely drew me in. I liked it a lot, and thought it was an interesting way to begin a story. Two thumbs up ^^ or... going with the poster, 4 stars XD
Plot: 10/15
I think the story could have been a bit longer, but it's a one shot, what can I expect? Anyways, I think that the end of the story was predictable from the forewards, and I know you purposely did it like that, but if there was a way to kind of hide the ending.... I don't know it could have made it a little better. The clouds were cute though, and her being able to hear him so nice job there.
Flow: 10/10
Everything happened in realistic time, and nothing was confusing ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 14/15
head down and crouched up
wasn't really an error, but you could say crouched and leave the word 'up' off of it and it would still make sense
It had been four hours and I haven't heard anything from the doctors yet.
you switched tenses in the middle of the sentence. Either say 'It has been (rest of sentence) or "(sentence) and I hadn't heard anything from the doctors yet"
fast I panicked
fast that I panicked, or fast. I panicked
his, was pain
no comma is needed
MY BOYFRIEND GOT CRAHSED BY A CAR!
CRASHED ... and uhm you probably shouldn't say my boyfriend got crashed by a car. Maybe, "my boyfriend was hit by a truck" or something along the lines of that
Characterization: 10/10
Even though the story was short, you were still able to build on the characters and their personalities really well.
Orginality: 5/10
Niether the car crash, nor the guardian angel concepts were extremely unique, but the balloon idea was, and the proposal right before the accident was an added twist
Writing style: 10/10
Your writing style is easy to understand and follow, and even though it was a short story, you were still able to get your readers into the characters enough to make us all cry or be really sad at the end, so amazing job there.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
It wasn't the most entertaining dramatic love story I've ever read, but it was still pretty good, and I actually wanted to read it to the end. the story held my attention.
Overall score: 84/100
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Sunday, 20 September 2009
H.a.r.a.n.g 하랑 [Love Received from God] by baboracoon
Title: H.a.r.a.n.g 하랑 [Love Received from God]
Author: baboracoon
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/baboracoon2/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
*So freaking sorry that this took forever and a day to do! >< I was very busy with school (being a senior is not easier, despite what everyone says) and so I had very little time to do much of anything, let alone read your story! Agh, I fell so behind on reviews all around! Sorry!!!*
Title: 5/5
HARANG! Oh, he is just too adorable! When I saw the title, I was like, “Please be about the dog, please be about the dog…” and it was! Holy crap! d(><)b TWO THUMBS WAY, WAY UP on that one!
Poster/Background: 8/10
Your poster was cute, but the background was grey! Grey color schemes are good for no story! It made it seem depressing whereas the content was cute and light.
Forewords: 4/5
Short and simple, and you didn’t give too much away, though your grammar kind of bugged me.
Plot: 14/15
Aww, it was so cute! Dogs arguing amongst themselves about their masters, Yoochun slowly falling for the main character, and all the quirkiness that happened in-between! Ah, who wouldn’t want Park Yoochun to fall in love with them? (God knows I am waiting for him…LOL just kidding) It was different and adorable. YAY!
Flow: 9/10
Nothing was off. Your flow was just fine.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
You could use more vibrant vocabulary, and you need to work on your grammar. Other than that, I could clearly understand you, and that is always good, =]. Just work on spelling, vocab, and grammar, and you will be an even awesomer writer! (Is that even a word? Awesomer? It is now, XD)
Characterization: 9/10
All your characters clicked together perfectly! It was easy to imagine all the scenarios happening with the reader put in place as the main character. There were no massive holes that needed to be filled. Everyone came out good!
Originality: 10/10
You don’t read too many stories that involve the canines of DBSK. This was much different and a very exciting original piece of work. I especially liked how you included the thoughts of the dogs in the later chapters! That was pretty unique. It reminded me of an old show here in the states (don’t know where you’re from) called The Wild Thornberrys. Yeah, now I feel old…
Writing style: 7/10
PARAGRAPHS: They can be your best friend. Not skipping lines made it a little difficult on my poor eyes (I’m blind as it is…). Everything just kind of jumbled together, and it could possible turn some potential readers off because they don’t want that kind of strain on their eyes. Or maybe I just have really bad eyesight and I’m the only one really bugged by that sort of thing…
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Adorable times, like, a billion! Little inside joke: while my English class read Pride and Prejudice, our teacher made this signs that read “Aww! Moment” on them, and we held them up every time an “Aww! Moment” happened. In my head, that sign went up a lot of times. I really liked this story! It was original, cute, and fun to read! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! (Sorry for taking my sweet time reviewing it, though) And you cheated. (LMAO, just kidding) I have a major soft spot for Yoochun, and if I read a “You and Park Yoochun” story, I just about lose it.
Overall score: 88/100
Author: baboracoon
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/baboracoon2/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
*So freaking sorry that this took forever and a day to do! >< I was very busy with school (being a senior is not easier, despite what everyone says) and so I had very little time to do much of anything, let alone read your story! Agh, I fell so behind on reviews all around! Sorry!!!*
Title: 5/5
HARANG! Oh, he is just too adorable! When I saw the title, I was like, “Please be about the dog, please be about the dog…” and it was! Holy crap! d(><)b TWO THUMBS WAY, WAY UP on that one!
Poster/Background: 8/10
Your poster was cute, but the background was grey! Grey color schemes are good for no story! It made it seem depressing whereas the content was cute and light.
Forewords: 4/5
Short and simple, and you didn’t give too much away, though your grammar kind of bugged me.
Plot: 14/15
Aww, it was so cute! Dogs arguing amongst themselves about their masters, Yoochun slowly falling for the main character, and all the quirkiness that happened in-between! Ah, who wouldn’t want Park Yoochun to fall in love with them? (God knows I am waiting for him…LOL just kidding) It was different and adorable. YAY!
Flow: 9/10
Nothing was off. Your flow was just fine.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
You could use more vibrant vocabulary, and you need to work on your grammar. Other than that, I could clearly understand you, and that is always good, =]. Just work on spelling, vocab, and grammar, and you will be an even awesomer writer! (Is that even a word? Awesomer? It is now, XD)
Characterization: 9/10
All your characters clicked together perfectly! It was easy to imagine all the scenarios happening with the reader put in place as the main character. There were no massive holes that needed to be filled. Everyone came out good!
Originality: 10/10
You don’t read too many stories that involve the canines of DBSK. This was much different and a very exciting original piece of work. I especially liked how you included the thoughts of the dogs in the later chapters! That was pretty unique. It reminded me of an old show here in the states (don’t know where you’re from) called The Wild Thornberrys. Yeah, now I feel old…
Writing style: 7/10
PARAGRAPHS: They can be your best friend. Not skipping lines made it a little difficult on my poor eyes (I’m blind as it is…). Everything just kind of jumbled together, and it could possible turn some potential readers off because they don’t want that kind of strain on their eyes. Or maybe I just have really bad eyesight and I’m the only one really bugged by that sort of thing…
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Adorable times, like, a billion! Little inside joke: while my English class read Pride and Prejudice, our teacher made this signs that read “Aww! Moment” on them, and we held them up every time an “Aww! Moment” happened. In my head, that sign went up a lot of times. I really liked this story! It was original, cute, and fun to read! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! (Sorry for taking my sweet time reviewing it, though) And you cheated. (LMAO, just kidding) I have a major soft spot for Yoochun, and if I read a “You and Park Yoochun” story, I just about lose it.
Overall score: 88/100
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Love Installation by babycrickett
Name: babycrickett
Story Title : Love Installation
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babycrickett2/
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 5/5
-When I first saw your title, I was like “Hm…. Well that’s different”. It got me curious about what you were going to write about. Nice title! It went along very well with the story.
Poster/Background: 10/10
-Nice poster and background! Even though it was kind of plain and simple, it added the “mood” to the story. I noticed that there weren’t people or characters in your story, which really got me wondering. It looks very nice. ^_^
Forewords: 5/5
-Your foreword was really nice. I liked it! I liked how you put a little introduction about the one-shot and the genres. What I liked even more is how neat it looked!
Plot: 15/15
-Well your plot was certainly different from everyone else, but that’s a very good thing. It’s very unique and that was what got me into the story more. How did you come up with the plot anyways? It was very, very, very good.
Flow: 10/10
-It wasn’t fast, and it wasn’t slow either. It was just perfect!
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
-My eyes couldn’t see anything. Even though I’m half blind, I’m still wearing glasses, I couldn’t find any mistakes!
Characterization: 8/10
-I couldn’t say very much for this because I didn’t knew who the characters were, which kinda deducted your points for me, but your story was very good! I couldn’t really get the girl, mostly because it wasn’t really a character- which kinda confused me.
Orginality: 10/10
-Oh full points on this one! It’s completely obvious that this is very unique! That’s my only comment.
Writing style: 10/10
-I have no problem with your writing style at all. Paragraphs were in the right place. Spelling was correct. What more can I say?
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
-Oh my god, what do you people think?! This story is one of the best stories that I’ve read by far! I recommend it completely! You should really advertise your fanfic. I bet that you will be a famous author once you grow up.
Overall score: 98/100
Story Title : Love Installation
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/babycrickett2/
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 5/5
-When I first saw your title, I was like “Hm…. Well that’s different”. It got me curious about what you were going to write about. Nice title! It went along very well with the story.
Poster/Background: 10/10
-Nice poster and background! Even though it was kind of plain and simple, it added the “mood” to the story. I noticed that there weren’t people or characters in your story, which really got me wondering. It looks very nice. ^_^
Forewords: 5/5
-Your foreword was really nice. I liked it! I liked how you put a little introduction about the one-shot and the genres. What I liked even more is how neat it looked!
Plot: 15/15
-Well your plot was certainly different from everyone else, but that’s a very good thing. It’s very unique and that was what got me into the story more. How did you come up with the plot anyways? It was very, very, very good.
Flow: 10/10
-It wasn’t fast, and it wasn’t slow either. It was just perfect!
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
-My eyes couldn’t see anything. Even though I’m half blind, I’m still wearing glasses, I couldn’t find any mistakes!
Characterization: 8/10
-I couldn’t say very much for this because I didn’t knew who the characters were, which kinda deducted your points for me, but your story was very good! I couldn’t really get the girl, mostly because it wasn’t really a character- which kinda confused me.
Orginality: 10/10
-Oh full points on this one! It’s completely obvious that this is very unique! That’s my only comment.
Writing style: 10/10
-I have no problem with your writing style at all. Paragraphs were in the right place. Spelling was correct. What more can I say?
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
-Oh my god, what do you people think?! This story is one of the best stories that I’ve read by far! I recommend it completely! You should really advertise your fanfic. I bet that you will be a famous author once you grow up.
Overall score: 98/100
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Worlds Collide by Bonnie :]
Name: Bonnie :]
Story Title : Worlds Collide
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/aquasprings_2/
Reviewer: jyyms
Title: 4/5
Your title suits your story well but it doesn't look very appealing to the reader.
Poster/Background: 8/10
The poster was a great work of art and it suits the story but the background just wasn't the one. The color is too gloomy at the back while the story is about water spirits, air spirits, etc. It should be more lively.
Forewords: 4/5
Your forewords was pretty straight forward. But I think you put a little too much information on the spirits, which might bore the reader.
Plot: 10/15
Your plot was somehow orignal in a way but not fully. This kind of plot can be seen in ancient Chinese dramas. I liked it how everything was divided into elements, it was pretty neat.
Flow: 4/10
I don't know if you wanted your story to be in this way but your flow was very fast. Each event happened in a blink of an eye. The first few chapters were acceptable but the rest were not because the climax of the story went really fast. I really think you need to improve on your flow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
I noticed only a few spelling mistakes but they were just minor errors. Your grammar was is great and your vocabulary was acceptable. Good Job!
Characterization: 6/10
Your main characters were not described in detail. The poster helps but your descriptions were poor. The reader will not have a clear idea of how Ya Tou or Wang Zi look like or feel like.
Orginality: 7/10
Like I said in the plot section, your plot is not fully original. But you had your twists and turns that made your story stand out from the other ones.
Writing style: 10/10
Your writing style was good. I liked the way you wrote your chapters. Really good job on that one!
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
To be honest, I didn't really enjoy the story. Please don't feel offended but battles and spirits are not my cup of tea. But you did good on making your story interesting compared to other stories with this plot.
Overall score: 60/100
Great job! And please take this review as an advice for your future stories!
Story Title : Worlds Collide
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/aquasprings_2/
Reviewer: jyyms
Title: 4/5
Your title suits your story well but it doesn't look very appealing to the reader.
Poster/Background: 8/10
The poster was a great work of art and it suits the story but the background just wasn't the one. The color is too gloomy at the back while the story is about water spirits, air spirits, etc. It should be more lively.
Forewords: 4/5
Your forewords was pretty straight forward. But I think you put a little too much information on the spirits, which might bore the reader.
Plot: 10/15
Your plot was somehow orignal in a way but not fully. This kind of plot can be seen in ancient Chinese dramas. I liked it how everything was divided into elements, it was pretty neat.
Flow: 4/10
I don't know if you wanted your story to be in this way but your flow was very fast. Each event happened in a blink of an eye. The first few chapters were acceptable but the rest were not because the climax of the story went really fast. I really think you need to improve on your flow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
I noticed only a few spelling mistakes but they were just minor errors. Your grammar was is great and your vocabulary was acceptable. Good Job!
Characterization: 6/10
Your main characters were not described in detail. The poster helps but your descriptions were poor. The reader will not have a clear idea of how Ya Tou or Wang Zi look like or feel like.
Orginality: 7/10
Like I said in the plot section, your plot is not fully original. But you had your twists and turns that made your story stand out from the other ones.
Writing style: 10/10
Your writing style was good. I liked the way you wrote your chapters. Really good job on that one!
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
To be honest, I didn't really enjoy the story. Please don't feel offended but battles and spirits are not my cup of tea. But you did good on making your story interesting compared to other stories with this plot.
Overall score: 60/100
Great job! And please take this review as an advice for your future stories!
Monday, 14 September 2009
The End by UnknownViet
Name: UnknownViet
Story Title : The End
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/end
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 5/5
-The end. It’s simple, but yet it tells pretty much your whole story. I love it! I don’t see this title much, but it really suits your story.
Poster/Background: 8/10
-Your poster and background was kind of plain, but it was really cute. Font is really easy to read, and I love the colors for your poster and background, although I think it’s a little too much.
Forewords: 3/5
-Well, your foreword had a little introduction to the story, but it seemed kind of “little”, if you know what I mean. Your foreword was ok. You should have added a little more to it, like the characters. Otherwise, it’s ok………
Plot: 11/15
-I like the plot, but it was kind of too obvious, if you know what I mean. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I can tell what’s happening or going to happen next. I like the plot, but it’s kind of boring if you don’t put anything else interesting in it though I love the flashback ^^
Flow: 8/10
-Well, in some places, it was a choppy. I felt that it kind of went to fast and the story was short, so it didn’t really mix together really good.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15
-I saw some errors in this category. They were mostly spelling mistakes. You mistake some words and spelling it wrong. In the beginning when you wrote “The sun is shining, the atmosphere is extremely warm”, it should be the atmosphere was extremely warm because you were using past tense. That’s just one mistake though.
Characterization: 8/10
-OK, so she broke up with him. You told us why, but I didn’t feel much emotion in it. You could have told more about how the characters felt during the fights and after. You should have explained more about it.
Orginality: 8/10
-Well there were stories out there that are similar to this one, but they have more detail. I guess they’re supposed to because this is actually a one-shot, but you could have put more interesting things in it. The flashback was something that I don’t see much in other stories.
Writing style: 7/10
-You should have put more paragraphs in your story. Most of it was all scrunched up in one paragraph when it’s supposed to be spaced out apart. I also don’t really like how you don’t really communicate with the readers.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-I enjoyed it, but there some things that I didn’t like in there. I’m not going to tell you what, but I’m just saying that you should put some more effort into your stories.
Overall score: 77/100
Story Title : The End
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/end
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 5/5
-The end. It’s simple, but yet it tells pretty much your whole story. I love it! I don’t see this title much, but it really suits your story.
Poster/Background: 8/10
-Your poster and background was kind of plain, but it was really cute. Font is really easy to read, and I love the colors for your poster and background, although I think it’s a little too much.
Forewords: 3/5
-Well, your foreword had a little introduction to the story, but it seemed kind of “little”, if you know what I mean. Your foreword was ok. You should have added a little more to it, like the characters. Otherwise, it’s ok………
Plot: 11/15
-I like the plot, but it was kind of too obvious, if you know what I mean. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I can tell what’s happening or going to happen next. I like the plot, but it’s kind of boring if you don’t put anything else interesting in it though I love the flashback ^^
Flow: 8/10
-Well, in some places, it was a choppy. I felt that it kind of went to fast and the story was short, so it didn’t really mix together really good.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15
-I saw some errors in this category. They were mostly spelling mistakes. You mistake some words and spelling it wrong. In the beginning when you wrote “The sun is shining, the atmosphere is extremely warm”, it should be the atmosphere was extremely warm because you were using past tense. That’s just one mistake though.
Characterization: 8/10
-OK, so she broke up with him. You told us why, but I didn’t feel much emotion in it. You could have told more about how the characters felt during the fights and after. You should have explained more about it.
Orginality: 8/10
-Well there were stories out there that are similar to this one, but they have more detail. I guess they’re supposed to because this is actually a one-shot, but you could have put more interesting things in it. The flashback was something that I don’t see much in other stories.
Writing style: 7/10
-You should have put more paragraphs in your story. Most of it was all scrunched up in one paragraph when it’s supposed to be spaced out apart. I also don’t really like how you don’t really communicate with the readers.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-I enjoyed it, but there some things that I didn’t like in there. I’m not going to tell you what, but I’m just saying that you should put some more effort into your stories.
Overall score: 77/100
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Let's Not by Susan Lee
Story Title: Let's Not
Story Author: Susan Lee
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan/
Reviewer: Darkess
Title: 5/5
By the end it fit so well, and it's easy to pick out on the winglin list. I know I saw it so many times ><
Poster/Background: 10/10
Aww they're so pretty! and the torn background and darker poster pull the readers in. It makes you wonder why everything is a little bit darker than a happy love story. The colors don't interfere with the text, and after reading multiple chapters it doesn't give you an eye sore.
Forewords: 4/5
You give interesting little tidbits on the characters ahead, but I wish you would have given a short little sneak peek on the story so readers could want to read the story ahead and think that's it will be an amazing story and that it will be a good story to read before it even begins.
Plot: 15/15
There were so many weird but awesome twists in this story that I loved, like Donghae cheating, and them even getting together in the first place. And I definately wasn't expecting her to leave in the end o.o this was an amazing story and I liked it a lot ^^
Flow: 8/10
A lot of things happened in good time, but a year is a really long ways to skip ahead by, don't you think? and at first that was a little confusing, but it makes sense now that I've completed the story ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/15
I noticed that a lot of the time you didn't have any end marks at... the end of your sentences. You should really fix that ><
Then my phone rung again - chapter 1
Then my phone rang again is probably how it should have been put.
Your Leeteuk's mom - chapter 1
You're should have been used there.
He hung up... - chapter 1
He hang up.
their my two favorite members - chapter 1
they're should have been used.
but I dont - chapter 1
you forgot the ' in don't
Atleast not close one's - chapter 1
At least not close ones.
what my parents job required. - chapter 1
forgot the ' again ><
i didnt want to be rude. - chapter 1
Capital I
if your Michael Friggin Jackson, - chapter 1
you're should be used, but it was a funny line XD
doens't - chapter 2
Obviously should be doesn't XD
"Yup I didnt think- - chapter 2
didnt needs one of these ' XD
THATS - chapter 2
need a '
Yesung looked like he just saw the Ring girl - chapter two
*cough* that's Samara to you XD pwah it isn't a grammar mistake don't worry, but I wasn't going to tell you her name anywhere else XD
Your tall!" - chapter 2
You're should be used
"Yeah yeah just dont - chapter 2
' again
My favorite members not here - chapter 3
Member is is how it should read ><
Lets - chapter 3
forgot one of these '... again
doens't - chapter three
doesn't
HYUNG YOUR SCREAMING - chapter 3
Hyung you're screaming
YOUR ONE TO TALK - chapter 3
you're
But atleast - chapter three
a space needs to be added
Not that they arn't! - chapter 3
Aren't is how it is spelled
Your so cute" - chapter 4
you're
your blushing" - chapter 4
you're
ANd I laughed - chapter 4
just a capitalization error
No I'm not gay their just so pretty - chapter 4
they're
got their (chapter 5)
got there
He acts like their normal people! (chapter 5)
He acts like they're normal people!
Your hands trembling" (chapter 5)
Your hand's trembling"
their not working today. (chapter 7)
they're not working today.
Kangn (chapter 7)
Kangin
your going to scare the neighbors" (Chapter 7)
you're going to scare the neighbors"
ARN'T (chapter 7)
AREN'T
hes okay (chapter 8)
he's okay
women (chapter 8)
woman
your crying" (chapter 8)
you're crying"
YOUR (chapter 8)
YOU'RE
dont know either (chapter 9)
don't know either
your (chapter 9)
you're
life Kibum (Chapter 9)
life, Kibum
their (chapter 9)
they're
their (chapter 9)
they're
their (chapter 9)
there
FIne (chapter 9)
Fine
Their watching (chapter 9)
They're watching
Your gay (chapter 10)
You're gay
Cause we (chapter 10)
Cause we're
the bang is (chapter 10)
the gang is
met in pretty (chapter 10)
met is pretty
Your up (chapter 10)
You're up
their (Chapter 10)
there
your next (chapter 12)
you're
your so (chapter 12)
you're so
dongdangs! (chapter 13)
dongsangs ... i think o.o not sure on spelling XD
yesterdays (chapter 13)
yesterday's
DOnghae (chapter 13)
Donghae
shotting straight up (chapter 13)
shooting straight up
in a (chapter 13)
in an
and their (chapter 14)
and they're
worship god (chapter 14)
worship God
yesung (chapter 14)
Yesung
away form the (chapter 14)
away from the
Their like (chapter 14)
They're like
god no one saw that (chapter 14)
God no one saw that
heechul (chapter 14)
Heechul
girlfrineds (chapter 15)
girlfriends
their like (chapter 15)
they're like
your really ( chapter 15)
you're really
eunhyuk (chapter 16)
Eunhyuk
lol and you always say Mihane, and it's mianhe XD
out movie (chapter 16)
our movie
No i don't! (chapter 17)
No I don't!
your driving (chapter 17)
you're driving
guess your a (chapter 17)
guess you're a
and your getting (chapter 16)
and you're getting
And your going (chapter 17)
And you're going
Their siblings! (chapter 17)
They're siblings!
Leeteuk hyun just (chapter 17)
Leeteuk hyung just
me your going (chapter 18)
me you're going
And i headed (chapter 18)
And I headed
YOUR DOING (chapter 18)
YOU'RE DOING
that i was (chapter 18)
that I was
Stop, your scaring (chapter 18)
Stop, you're scaring
heard your (chapter 18)
heard you're
He siad (chapter 18)
He said
Their my favorite (chapter 19)
They're my favorite
Your just (chapter 19)
You're just
their concerned (chapter 19)
they're just
why your up (chapter 19)
why you're up?
dongdangs (chapter 19)
dongsangs
but i think it can also be spelled dongsaengs too. i see it that way a lot in stories.
got their (chapter 20)
got there
whose here with us? (chapter 21)
who's here with us?
whose always (chapter 21)
who's always
Is aid, (chapter 22)
I said
the mike (chapter 23)
the mic
and their not. (chapter 23)
and they're not.
"MOH?!" (chpater 24)
I'm almost positive that it's boh, not moh ><
your doing (chapter 24)
you're doing
i said, (chapter 24)
I said,
i deleted (chapter 24)
I deleted
Your even (chapter 25)
You're even
whose a new (chapter 27)
who's a new
my boyfriends (chapter 27)
my boyfriend's
then punch him (chapter 28)
then punched him
Leetek and (chapter 30)
Leeteuk and
your here (chapter 30)
you're here
and i (chapter 30)
and I
YOUR surprised (chapter 30)
YOU'RE surprised
YOUR AN (chapter 30)
YOU'RE AN
your fine (chapter 32)
you're fine
off voices (chapter 32)
of voices
Your only (chapter 32)
You're only
and seriously. ending punctuation would be really nice ><
Characterization: 10/10
You built on all of the characters a lot. I know that 14 characters is hard to handle, but you did it really well and were able to build on everyone's personality very well, so great job there ^^
Orginality: 8/10
I've seen a lot of stories with this main idea of someone going to live with them (you inspired me to write one too ^^ don't worry, I mentioned you and how this was your idea) ANYWAYS, but I HAVE seen this idea before, but besides that.... I think it was really creative and unique ^^
Writing style: 7/10
Your one liners were easy to read, but I would have loved to see some actual paragraphs in the story. Also, I would have liked to see some detail in the story too, like what their room looked like (besides clean) and stuff. But besides that, I love how you write and tell your story XD keep it up
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
The car scene in chapter three was so funny ^.^ ok so basically this WHOLE STORY was amazingly funny and good ^^ when you're done with the sequel ask me to review again. I promise I'll actually get it done quickly this time T.T OMO. saw this and HAD TO MENTION IT
"Yoobin noona!" Changmin yelled
"My crazy hamster!" I yelled, hugging him
made me laugh SO HARD XDD
I loved the music awards chapter ^^
AND THIS!
"Seungri! Let go!" Ji-Yong said, pulling him off
"But I love Yoobin noona!" Seungri said, trying to reach me
OMG I LOVE YOU TOO!
SOO FUNNY
and THIS
Not to mention Kangin got 'scared' and hit Heechul with a pan
lol i think im done pointing out things that made me laugh >< it'll just get annoying XD
but you're a great comedy author even if it wasn't SUPPOSED to be. well if it was intentional it was amazing and if it wasn't.... you're a genius o.o XD
this story had me laughing the whole time XD I loved it a lot
Overall score: 83/100
R/N sorry about the UBER LONG wait >< I procrastinate T.T
Story Author: Susan Lee
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan/
Reviewer: Darkess
Title: 5/5
By the end it fit so well, and it's easy to pick out on the winglin list. I know I saw it so many times ><
Poster/Background: 10/10
Aww they're so pretty! and the torn background and darker poster pull the readers in. It makes you wonder why everything is a little bit darker than a happy love story. The colors don't interfere with the text, and after reading multiple chapters it doesn't give you an eye sore.
Forewords: 4/5
You give interesting little tidbits on the characters ahead, but I wish you would have given a short little sneak peek on the story so readers could want to read the story ahead and think that's it will be an amazing story and that it will be a good story to read before it even begins.
Plot: 15/15
There were so many weird but awesome twists in this story that I loved, like Donghae cheating, and them even getting together in the first place. And I definately wasn't expecting her to leave in the end o.o this was an amazing story and I liked it a lot ^^
Flow: 8/10
A lot of things happened in good time, but a year is a really long ways to skip ahead by, don't you think? and at first that was a little confusing, but it makes sense now that I've completed the story ^^
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/15
I noticed that a lot of the time you didn't have any end marks at... the end of your sentences. You should really fix that ><
Then my phone rung again - chapter 1
Then my phone rang again is probably how it should have been put.
Your Leeteuk's mom - chapter 1
You're should have been used there.
He hung up... - chapter 1
He hang up.
their my two favorite members - chapter 1
they're should have been used.
but I dont - chapter 1
you forgot the ' in don't
Atleast not close one's - chapter 1
At least not close ones.
what my parents job required. - chapter 1
forgot the ' again ><
i didnt want to be rude. - chapter 1
Capital I
if your Michael Friggin Jackson, - chapter 1
you're should be used, but it was a funny line XD
doens't - chapter 2
Obviously should be doesn't XD
"Yup I didnt think- - chapter 2
didnt needs one of these ' XD
THATS - chapter 2
need a '
Yesung looked like he just saw the Ring girl - chapter two
*cough* that's Samara to you XD pwah it isn't a grammar mistake don't worry, but I wasn't going to tell you her name anywhere else XD
Your tall!" - chapter 2
You're should be used
"Yeah yeah just dont - chapter 2
' again
My favorite members not here - chapter 3
Member is is how it should read ><
Lets - chapter 3
forgot one of these '... again
doens't - chapter three
doesn't
HYUNG YOUR SCREAMING - chapter 3
Hyung you're screaming
YOUR ONE TO TALK - chapter 3
you're
But atleast - chapter three
a space needs to be added
Not that they arn't! - chapter 3
Aren't is how it is spelled
Your so cute" - chapter 4
you're
your blushing" - chapter 4
you're
ANd I laughed - chapter 4
just a capitalization error
No I'm not gay their just so pretty - chapter 4
they're
got their (chapter 5)
got there
He acts like their normal people! (chapter 5)
He acts like they're normal people!
Your hands trembling" (chapter 5)
Your hand's trembling"
their not working today. (chapter 7)
they're not working today.
Kangn (chapter 7)
Kangin
your going to scare the neighbors" (Chapter 7)
you're going to scare the neighbors"
ARN'T (chapter 7)
AREN'T
hes okay (chapter 8)
he's okay
women (chapter 8)
woman
your crying" (chapter 8)
you're crying"
YOUR (chapter 8)
YOU'RE
dont know either (chapter 9)
don't know either
your (chapter 9)
you're
life Kibum (Chapter 9)
life, Kibum
their (chapter 9)
they're
their (chapter 9)
they're
their (chapter 9)
there
FIne (chapter 9)
Fine
Their watching (chapter 9)
They're watching
Your gay (chapter 10)
You're gay
Cause we (chapter 10)
Cause we're
the bang is (chapter 10)
the gang is
met in pretty (chapter 10)
met is pretty
Your up (chapter 10)
You're up
their (Chapter 10)
there
your next (chapter 12)
you're
your so (chapter 12)
you're so
dongdangs! (chapter 13)
dongsangs ... i think o.o not sure on spelling XD
yesterdays (chapter 13)
yesterday's
DOnghae (chapter 13)
Donghae
shotting straight up (chapter 13)
shooting straight up
in a (chapter 13)
in an
and their (chapter 14)
and they're
worship god (chapter 14)
worship God
yesung (chapter 14)
Yesung
away form the (chapter 14)
away from the
Their like (chapter 14)
They're like
god no one saw that (chapter 14)
God no one saw that
heechul (chapter 14)
Heechul
girlfrineds (chapter 15)
girlfriends
their like (chapter 15)
they're like
your really ( chapter 15)
you're really
eunhyuk (chapter 16)
Eunhyuk
lol and you always say Mihane, and it's mianhe XD
out movie (chapter 16)
our movie
No i don't! (chapter 17)
No I don't!
your driving (chapter 17)
you're driving
guess your a (chapter 17)
guess you're a
and your getting (chapter 16)
and you're getting
And your going (chapter 17)
And you're going
Their siblings! (chapter 17)
They're siblings!
Leeteuk hyun just (chapter 17)
Leeteuk hyung just
me your going (chapter 18)
me you're going
And i headed (chapter 18)
And I headed
YOUR DOING (chapter 18)
YOU'RE DOING
that i was (chapter 18)
that I was
Stop, your scaring (chapter 18)
Stop, you're scaring
heard your (chapter 18)
heard you're
He siad (chapter 18)
He said
Their my favorite (chapter 19)
They're my favorite
Your just (chapter 19)
You're just
their concerned (chapter 19)
they're just
why your up (chapter 19)
why you're up?
dongdangs (chapter 19)
dongsangs
but i think it can also be spelled dongsaengs too. i see it that way a lot in stories.
got their (chapter 20)
got there
whose here with us? (chapter 21)
who's here with us?
whose always (chapter 21)
who's always
Is aid, (chapter 22)
I said
the mike (chapter 23)
the mic
and their not. (chapter 23)
and they're not.
"MOH?!" (chpater 24)
I'm almost positive that it's boh, not moh ><
your doing (chapter 24)
you're doing
i said, (chapter 24)
I said,
i deleted (chapter 24)
I deleted
Your even (chapter 25)
You're even
whose a new (chapter 27)
who's a new
my boyfriends (chapter 27)
my boyfriend's
then punch him (chapter 28)
then punched him
Leetek and (chapter 30)
Leeteuk and
your here (chapter 30)
you're here
and i (chapter 30)
and I
YOUR surprised (chapter 30)
YOU'RE surprised
YOUR AN (chapter 30)
YOU'RE AN
your fine (chapter 32)
you're fine
off voices (chapter 32)
of voices
Your only (chapter 32)
You're only
and seriously. ending punctuation would be really nice ><
Characterization: 10/10
You built on all of the characters a lot. I know that 14 characters is hard to handle, but you did it really well and were able to build on everyone's personality very well, so great job there ^^
Orginality: 8/10
I've seen a lot of stories with this main idea of someone going to live with them (you inspired me to write one too ^^ don't worry, I mentioned you and how this was your idea) ANYWAYS, but I HAVE seen this idea before, but besides that.... I think it was really creative and unique ^^
Writing style: 7/10
Your one liners were easy to read, but I would have loved to see some actual paragraphs in the story. Also, I would have liked to see some detail in the story too, like what their room looked like (besides clean) and stuff. But besides that, I love how you write and tell your story XD keep it up
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
The car scene in chapter three was so funny ^.^ ok so basically this WHOLE STORY was amazingly funny and good ^^ when you're done with the sequel ask me to review again. I promise I'll actually get it done quickly this time T.T OMO. saw this and HAD TO MENTION IT
"Yoobin noona!" Changmin yelled
"My crazy hamster!" I yelled, hugging him
made me laugh SO HARD XDD
I loved the music awards chapter ^^
AND THIS!
"Seungri! Let go!" Ji-Yong said, pulling him off
"But I love Yoobin noona!" Seungri said, trying to reach me
OMG I LOVE YOU TOO!
SOO FUNNY
and THIS
Not to mention Kangin got 'scared' and hit Heechul with a pan
lol i think im done pointing out things that made me laugh >< it'll just get annoying XD
but you're a great comedy author even if it wasn't SUPPOSED to be. well if it was intentional it was amazing and if it wasn't.... you're a genius o.o XD
this story had me laughing the whole time XD I loved it a lot
Overall score: 83/100
R/N sorry about the UBER LONG wait >< I procrastinate T.T
Dream On by Choi MinJae © M&Mkwonღ
Name: Choi MinJae © M&Mkwonღ
Story Title : Dream On
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dream_on
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 5/5
-The title was pretty interesting! It kinda got me into the story a little more, and it matched well with it too. I love it so much! It’s so cute!
Poster/Background: 10/10
-The poster and background was so cute! I love Jiyong’s picture and SooHee’s too! They’re so cute :3 It added a little more feeling to the story, in my opinion- if you know what I mean.
Forewords: 5/5
-I loved how you shared your opinion about eternal love in the foreword and expressed about your feelings (or SooHee’s). After I read your foreword, it got me more excited about the story.
Plot: 14/15
-I love the plot! It was so cute, but yet so sad at the end. Yea, I cried, and that’s a good thing for me! That means that you put effort into writing the story and coming up with the plot. It’s very good and I give you credit for that.
Flow: 9/10
-The flow was all right. Since this was a one-shot, it’s supposed to be kinda fast, but I thought it was also kind of short. Other than that, your flow was pretty good ^_^
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
-I saw about one of two mistakes in it, but it wasn’t big ones. I still get what you were trying to say. You could have improved your vocabulary a bit too, but that’s fine.
Characterization: 8/10
-I could tell that SooHee’s afraid that she’s going to get her heart broken eventually, but there were some things that I didn’t really get about the characters. Sure I get that they both liked each other, but I didn’t really understand if her friends was trying to set both of them up. Was JiYong just playing around or did he actually really like her?
Orginality: 9/10
-I don’t really see this story often, but I’ve seen it a couple of times already. But it’s pretty good. I don’t think that you stole anything from anyone else.
Writing style: 10/10
I really don’t have any problem with your writing style. I think it’s perfect just the way it is ^_^
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
-I just love this story so much! It made me cry, which means that it moved me a lot. I love it! :D Good job!
Overall score: 94/100
Good job, you made a high score on it! ^_^
Story Title : Dream On
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dream_on
Reviewer: DarkAngel
Title: 5/5
-The title was pretty interesting! It kinda got me into the story a little more, and it matched well with it too. I love it so much! It’s so cute!
Poster/Background: 10/10
-The poster and background was so cute! I love Jiyong’s picture and SooHee’s too! They’re so cute :3 It added a little more feeling to the story, in my opinion- if you know what I mean.
Forewords: 5/5
-I loved how you shared your opinion about eternal love in the foreword and expressed about your feelings (or SooHee’s). After I read your foreword, it got me more excited about the story.
Plot: 14/15
-I love the plot! It was so cute, but yet so sad at the end. Yea, I cried, and that’s a good thing for me! That means that you put effort into writing the story and coming up with the plot. It’s very good and I give you credit for that.
Flow: 9/10
-The flow was all right. Since this was a one-shot, it’s supposed to be kinda fast, but I thought it was also kind of short. Other than that, your flow was pretty good ^_^
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
-I saw about one of two mistakes in it, but it wasn’t big ones. I still get what you were trying to say. You could have improved your vocabulary a bit too, but that’s fine.
Characterization: 8/10
-I could tell that SooHee’s afraid that she’s going to get her heart broken eventually, but there were some things that I didn’t really get about the characters. Sure I get that they both liked each other, but I didn’t really understand if her friends was trying to set both of them up. Was JiYong just playing around or did he actually really like her?
Orginality: 9/10
-I don’t really see this story often, but I’ve seen it a couple of times already. But it’s pretty good. I don’t think that you stole anything from anyone else.
Writing style: 10/10
I really don’t have any problem with your writing style. I think it’s perfect just the way it is ^_^
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
-I just love this story so much! It made me cry, which means that it moved me a lot. I love it! :D Good job!
Overall score: 94/100
Good job, you made a high score on it! ^_^
Omo! I’m in love…with my worst enemy by grapestrawberry
Title: Omo! I’m in love…with my worst enemy
Author: grapestrawberry
URL: http://www..winglin.net/fanfic/grapestrawberry/
Reviewer: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
It fit your story perfectly! And…it drew my attention immediately. ^^
Poster/Background: 9/10
Okay, you get bonus points for this because purple happens to be one of my favorite colors, plus it matches the feel of the story. I loved the little hearts and whatnot on the poster, and Yunho is always cute, no matter what. Plus, it seems like you did the artwork yourself, and it came out awesome!
Forewords: 3/5
You didn’t give anything away, but you did give a sort of preview. You really didn’t describe the characters, other than their relationships with one another. Why not give their ages and a bit of personality?
Plot: 14/15
Oh God, I think I overdosed on cuteness for the entire story. Yunho may be Leadershii but he always acts like a freaking kid! It’s so adorable! Oh, have you ever read Pride and Prejudice? Because the fact that Yunho annoys the crap out of Shan yet she still loves him reminds me of a cuter and modern Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Yeah, I have to read that for English IV…-_- and I actually like it. It’s a neat story. Granted, for my senior year I was expecting something better…whoa, off-topic much. Anyway, it was cute and adorable and I loved it!
Flow: 9/10
Not too fast, and not too slow. Near perfection!
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
I am so happy that you have good grammar and a bigger vocabulary than some authors on winglin. Of course, there are a few mistakes, but no one’s perfect, right? You did awesome!
Characterization: 9/10
I fell in love with all of your characters! Shan was the typical tomboy trying so hard not to like her enemy; Yunho was adorable yet a little possessive at the same time; Shan was incredibly cute and shy, the perfect best friend; the guest appearances made me smile; and everyone else fit into their roles perfectly. YAY!
Originality: 8/10
There are a few stories out there dealing with someone who falls in love with someone they find annoying at first. Heck, that’s my life story with my current boyfriend (five years this coming April, and from the time I met him in fourth grade, I hated him oh so much. But now we have a stable in relationship…although I still find him annoying sometimes. ^^) But, you made it your own, and for that I applaud you.
Writing style: 9/10
It was clear and precise. You didn’t make my head spin by switching view points every five seconds as other authors tend to do. *If you ever feel the need to do that, I suggest you go for third-person omniscient, meaning that you use “he” or “she” and “they” and give everyone a chance to say their thoughts without having to put a reminder for the readers that the POV is changing.*
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Aw, I found this story so cute!!! If I could give you a higher score for this part, I’d give you, like, a million or so. I really liked it! Yunho was cute, Shan was cute, and it really didn’t sound like a self-insert fic, if you get what I mean! I found your penname to be cute, and I shall be on the lookout for anymore of your stories! Good luck in the future, and keep writing! You have some amazing talent on your hands! (On a side note, for half the story, because of your title…I had that stupid song that goes, “I’m in love with a stripper…” It kept making me laugh at awkward moments! XD)
Overall Score: 90/100
Author: grapestrawberry
URL: http://www..winglin.net/fanfic/grapestrawberry/
Reviewer: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
It fit your story perfectly! And…it drew my attention immediately. ^^
Poster/Background: 9/10
Okay, you get bonus points for this because purple happens to be one of my favorite colors, plus it matches the feel of the story. I loved the little hearts and whatnot on the poster, and Yunho is always cute, no matter what. Plus, it seems like you did the artwork yourself, and it came out awesome!
Forewords: 3/5
You didn’t give anything away, but you did give a sort of preview. You really didn’t describe the characters, other than their relationships with one another. Why not give their ages and a bit of personality?
Plot: 14/15
Oh God, I think I overdosed on cuteness for the entire story. Yunho may be Leadershii but he always acts like a freaking kid! It’s so adorable! Oh, have you ever read Pride and Prejudice? Because the fact that Yunho annoys the crap out of Shan yet she still loves him reminds me of a cuter and modern Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Yeah, I have to read that for English IV…-_- and I actually like it. It’s a neat story. Granted, for my senior year I was expecting something better…whoa, off-topic much. Anyway, it was cute and adorable and I loved it!
Flow: 9/10
Not too fast, and not too slow. Near perfection!
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
I am so happy that you have good grammar and a bigger vocabulary than some authors on winglin. Of course, there are a few mistakes, but no one’s perfect, right? You did awesome!
Characterization: 9/10
I fell in love with all of your characters! Shan was the typical tomboy trying so hard not to like her enemy; Yunho was adorable yet a little possessive at the same time; Shan was incredibly cute and shy, the perfect best friend; the guest appearances made me smile; and everyone else fit into their roles perfectly. YAY!
Originality: 8/10
There are a few stories out there dealing with someone who falls in love with someone they find annoying at first. Heck, that’s my life story with my current boyfriend (five years this coming April, and from the time I met him in fourth grade, I hated him oh so much. But now we have a stable in relationship…although I still find him annoying sometimes. ^^) But, you made it your own, and for that I applaud you.
Writing style: 9/10
It was clear and precise. You didn’t make my head spin by switching view points every five seconds as other authors tend to do. *If you ever feel the need to do that, I suggest you go for third-person omniscient, meaning that you use “he” or “she” and “they” and give everyone a chance to say their thoughts without having to put a reminder for the readers that the POV is changing.*
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Aw, I found this story so cute!!! If I could give you a higher score for this part, I’d give you, like, a million or so. I really liked it! Yunho was cute, Shan was cute, and it really didn’t sound like a self-insert fic, if you get what I mean! I found your penname to be cute, and I shall be on the lookout for anymore of your stories! Good luck in the future, and keep writing! You have some amazing talent on your hands! (On a side note, for half the story, because of your title…I had that stupid song that goes, “I’m in love with a stripper…” It kept making me laugh at awkward moments! XD)
Overall Score: 90/100
A Bad Heart by STIXXTIN
Title: A Bad Heart
Author: STIXXTIN
Story Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/stixxtin/
Reviewer: Pararae
Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/
Title: 2/5 I’m not sure how a bad heart picture the story or even go along with it. Maybe because you haven’t reach the part yet or it just that I fail to see your point across but your capitalism is good.
Poster/Background: 5/10 I don’t know whether you designed the poster yourself or you request from other sites because there’s no site name on the poster. The graphic is very plain. It doesn’t have a certain mood to it as if it stays neutral. Not to say it’s bad but it left the story plain and unstressed. The base color looks dull and there’s no background at the back too. Maybe you should use a poster with a background next time especially when it is simple as the one you use now because it would put some color into your story.
Forewords: 3/5 your forewords are missing a basic info such genre, length, background, list of characters and you didn’t even write an author note. It is not really important but it shows your communication with the readers. By replying to the readers’ comments, it can attract more people to read your story and it shows that you don’t simply read them and forget about it the next day and writing a short author note for the readers won’t hurt too right? By just writing an introduction for your story doesn’t make your foreword appealing. It looks extremely plain so try to add some colors to it by adding an organized and interesting author note and some basics info.
There is a part in your forewords that doesn’t make sense to me.
“Not now Junsu… I’ve had enough.” Not wanting to hear more lies, I closed the door, slamming it shut in front of his face.
“IM SORRY! Please… Open this door and let me explain..” Junsu kept on knocking and screaming behind the door.
“Please Junsu! Just leave me— ”
Junsu pulled me into his arms before I could even finish my sentence.
“I’m really sorry… give me another chance. I love you Li Yin. I don’t wanna lose you.”
“You lost me the very first day you left me Junsu… It wasn’t my choice, it was yours…” Without any further movements I shoved him off me, then I closed the door and ran to my bedroom.
Didn’t Li Yin already in a room because she slammed the door in his face and didn’t open it back? But how can Junsu hug her from the other side of the door? Is he supernatural? Does that door even closed properly? See, I have some question running around and I can’t figure it out. You should be able to explain clearly on what’s the characters are doing and where are they now, whether they are reachable by other characters or not. This small mistake could make the readers randomly make their own conclusion in their minds which is bad because this is your story and we understand them based on your writing so try to add more detail so it won’t look confusing.
Plot: 10/15 let me get this straight; Li Yin broke up with Junsu and went to Jeju with her friend to start a new life and with miracle, she met jaejoong at the bar and met him again in Jeju because he’s having a vacation with Minho. Since the story stopped even before it could reach half of the story, I assume, I can’t get the plot straight out so my imagination starts working from there. From your forewords, I can say that Junsu came back to Li Yin but she shoved him aside and started to have feeling with Jaejoong even though she feels it is ambiguously wrong. Correct me if I’m wrong.
I think the plot looks ok but since I can’t make up what sort of drama you decided to put in along the way, I can’t say much but I do advice you to use shocking elements and unexpected scenes so it would look different from other stories. I like how you start the story, by making Junsu and Li Yin broke up in the first chapter because it makes the event looks important and it shows that the whole drama starts from there in coincidence and how she stressed her life in this story after the break-up. But to write such way will effect the flow of the story, making it too fast without vivid time frame unless if you’re really good at it. Try to revise your chapter and the upcoming one before you post it so you know when the flow started to go off the lane and went faster than it should be. You can try to add some flashbacks to extend the time span and make it more balance.
Flow: 7/10 so far the flow go well, not too fast not too slow in overall but there are some parts that go a little faster than its constant pace. For example, when Li Yin start to go out of control after Junsu left her and started to do weird stuff like drinking and clubbing. You didn’t explain clearly on the time span on which she started to go crazy and how many days she starves herself. By pointing it is 4 days without further details will do no good because it won’t influence the readers’ mind as it looks unimportant when you didn’t elaborate on it. I have to reread the same part 3 times to get the flow back in place and it is definitely not a good thing.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/15 there are a lot of mistakes found in your story and it’s not my habit to not point it out because I want you to get a better view of it. Take a lot of this:
1) My body shivered as the magical moment ignites the world around us.
(Ignites supposed to be in past tense because you already have the whole story in past tense. Don’t mix it up with other because it will confuse the readers on when the story happen; future? Past? Present?)
2) Junsu is going to tell me about something important.
(is supposed to be was because it is in past tense)
3) “You know what’s going on in my life Li Yin and it‘s not getting easier for me.”
(“You know what’s going on in my life, Li Yin and it‘s not getting easier for me.” Don’t forget the comma)
4) I smiled thinking he just a had a change of mind
(I take this as a spelling mistake. You shouldn’t put ‘a’ in front of ‘had’. It’s wrong so be careful on that)
5) Just like that Junsu left and ended my life.
(This sounds really wrong. Ended my life means Li Yin is literally dead but I can see she’s not. I was shocked to read this line and I have to go and reread the whole thing again to get your point. Using this kind of words can cause confusion among readers so be careful on what you write. Try this instead: Just like that, Junsu left and somehow I feel like the world had turned its back against me. It shows that the character has lost hope on life by not mentioning death in a literal manner)
6) I wanted to ask him but I don’t have the strength to.
(Again, you messed up the tenses. It is supposed to be didn’t.)
7) The alcohol went into my head driving getting me oh so drunk
(I don’t get this sentence and it is obviously wrong. Driving and getting are not supposed to exist at the same time. You either write: The alcohol went into my head, driving me oh so drunk. Or. The alcohol went into my head, getting me oh so drunk. Don’t forget the comma too.)
8) Even If I wanted to know why and how I ended up at her house I don’t want to hear her tell all the crazy stuffs I did last night
(‘I don’t want to hear’ supposed to be I didn’t want to hear. Again, I stress this out. Don’t mix the tenses up)
9) I know how disrespectful It was to leave without making her finish talking
(You spelled ‘it’ wrongly. It should be in small letter)
10)Did she find some other girl that has the same duck butt like him?”
(You refer to Junsu so it should be ‘he’)
11)“Your kidding me.”
(Spelling mistake. It is supposed to be “You’re kidding me.”)
12)Maybe that’s the second reason why I fell inlove with Junsu
(spelling mistake again. In love should have space between them.)
13)The cab ride to Hongdae Taeyon and I had was the scariest ride in our entire life ever.
14)(Don’t forget comma because the sentence looks entirely wrong. I had trouble over this one. Consider this: The cab ride to Hongdae, Taeyon and I had, been the scariest ride in our entire life, ever.” Or. The cab ride to Hongdae, Taeyon and I had the scariest ride in our entire life, ever.”)
15)The driver looked like he was some sort of a crazy dude and drives the car like we were in a racing field.
(Drives supposed to be drove. Past tense, remember that.)
16)I can feel the girl burning my back with his wild stare.
(Be careful with identification address. You’re referring to a girl so it is supposed to be her instead of his.)
17) “It’s okay, im used to it.”
(Spelling mistake again. I’m not im)
18)I’m gonna be away from Seoul for quiet a while.
(Don’t use short form in writing because it will bring down your writing skill and you spell quite, wrongly. Quiet is silent or no sound while quite means entirely or rather or nearly.)
19)I’m gonna hit him hard in the head.
(Again, don’t use short form)
20) Open this door and let me explain..”
(You tend to repeat this mistake a lot of time. Period (.) only exist in solo or a set of 3. Don’t rush when you’re writing and take time to recheck everything.)
That’s pretty much of what I want to point out but there’s more similar mistakes in your story. I won’t point it all out but you got what I mean. Try to avoid the usage of short form and be careful with spellings and identification address. Use spell check if you use Microsoft Words to write or you can proof-read it manually because it will works better that way.)
Characterization: 6/10 the characters are a bit vague. The basic characters role is no problem but reason is what makes me wonder. You didn’t say the exact reason why Junsu broke up with her, maybe because you make the story in Li Yin’s point of view and she doesn’t know it too but try to give, maybe fragments of it so the readers can understand of what kind of guy Junsu is. And Jaejoong character looks spontaneous with less detail. Spontaneity is good but less detail is bad. He is like an everyday ordinary bar manager who tried to get a usual hang of a chick. And even Li Yin herself is quite incomplete so try to write more details on them along the story. And I got one problem with the name. In chapter 1, the main character is Li Yin but when I check the next chapter, it turns to Ri Yin. I’m not sure whether both are the same person and that person has two names or you’re writing about two completely different person. Or it is a spelling mistake because I’m not familiar with the character except for DBSK boys.
Originality: 7/10 I can see your original writing in this story, even though the plot is quite cliché and the story haven’t finished yet so I won’t be judging the story in overall, instead I will just judge it on the update you have posted. So far, some scenes caught my attention like when Junsu broke of with Ri/Li Yin, it happen in a kitchen while she was washing the dishes unlike most stories which will make them broke off in some fancy restaurants or parks or schools. It shows that you insert a real life attempt scene into your story to make it more logical. So thumbs up for that.
Writing style: 7/10 your writing style is good. Not to say it is neat because you do have some incomplete sentences and words that don’t sound write but it is good so far. Try to revise the sentence you’ve written before you post it and make sure you know what you’re writing so it won’t contradict the upcoming scene. Construct your sentence properly and try to add or combine the sentences if you can so it would enhance the sentence’s length.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10 I do enjoy your story at first but after I spotted a lot of mistakes, my attention ran from the story to listing it down the mistakes rather than reading it so I have to read it again to get the story. You should try to reduce the error because even though it’s not significant but it will effect your writing skill and English proficiency greatly if you repeat it more than once. And watch out for the originality because I don’t want you to lose it by using cliché scenes. Your flow needs attention as well, not to say it is bad, in fact, it is good so far but it’s the only aspect that looks vulnerable for now. Try to keep it constant and if you think something is wrong with the flow, write flashback to extend the time span or you can re-write the whole chapter again with a good amount of details. Either way is acceptable.
Overall score: 60/100
Author: STIXXTIN
Story Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/stixxtin/
Reviewer: Pararae
Site: http://lostshadows.co.nr/
Title: 2/5 I’m not sure how a bad heart picture the story or even go along with it. Maybe because you haven’t reach the part yet or it just that I fail to see your point across but your capitalism is good.
Poster/Background: 5/10 I don’t know whether you designed the poster yourself or you request from other sites because there’s no site name on the poster. The graphic is very plain. It doesn’t have a certain mood to it as if it stays neutral. Not to say it’s bad but it left the story plain and unstressed. The base color looks dull and there’s no background at the back too. Maybe you should use a poster with a background next time especially when it is simple as the one you use now because it would put some color into your story.
Forewords: 3/5 your forewords are missing a basic info such genre, length, background, list of characters and you didn’t even write an author note. It is not really important but it shows your communication with the readers. By replying to the readers’ comments, it can attract more people to read your story and it shows that you don’t simply read them and forget about it the next day and writing a short author note for the readers won’t hurt too right? By just writing an introduction for your story doesn’t make your foreword appealing. It looks extremely plain so try to add some colors to it by adding an organized and interesting author note and some basics info.
There is a part in your forewords that doesn’t make sense to me.
“Not now Junsu… I’ve had enough.” Not wanting to hear more lies, I closed the door, slamming it shut in front of his face.
“IM SORRY! Please… Open this door and let me explain..” Junsu kept on knocking and screaming behind the door.
“Please Junsu! Just leave me— ”
Junsu pulled me into his arms before I could even finish my sentence.
“I’m really sorry… give me another chance. I love you Li Yin. I don’t wanna lose you.”
“You lost me the very first day you left me Junsu… It wasn’t my choice, it was yours…” Without any further movements I shoved him off me, then I closed the door and ran to my bedroom.
Didn’t Li Yin already in a room because she slammed the door in his face and didn’t open it back? But how can Junsu hug her from the other side of the door? Is he supernatural? Does that door even closed properly? See, I have some question running around and I can’t figure it out. You should be able to explain clearly on what’s the characters are doing and where are they now, whether they are reachable by other characters or not. This small mistake could make the readers randomly make their own conclusion in their minds which is bad because this is your story and we understand them based on your writing so try to add more detail so it won’t look confusing.
Plot: 10/15 let me get this straight; Li Yin broke up with Junsu and went to Jeju with her friend to start a new life and with miracle, she met jaejoong at the bar and met him again in Jeju because he’s having a vacation with Minho. Since the story stopped even before it could reach half of the story, I assume, I can’t get the plot straight out so my imagination starts working from there. From your forewords, I can say that Junsu came back to Li Yin but she shoved him aside and started to have feeling with Jaejoong even though she feels it is ambiguously wrong. Correct me if I’m wrong.
I think the plot looks ok but since I can’t make up what sort of drama you decided to put in along the way, I can’t say much but I do advice you to use shocking elements and unexpected scenes so it would look different from other stories. I like how you start the story, by making Junsu and Li Yin broke up in the first chapter because it makes the event looks important and it shows that the whole drama starts from there in coincidence and how she stressed her life in this story after the break-up. But to write such way will effect the flow of the story, making it too fast without vivid time frame unless if you’re really good at it. Try to revise your chapter and the upcoming one before you post it so you know when the flow started to go off the lane and went faster than it should be. You can try to add some flashbacks to extend the time span and make it more balance.
Flow: 7/10 so far the flow go well, not too fast not too slow in overall but there are some parts that go a little faster than its constant pace. For example, when Li Yin start to go out of control after Junsu left her and started to do weird stuff like drinking and clubbing. You didn’t explain clearly on the time span on which she started to go crazy and how many days she starves herself. By pointing it is 4 days without further details will do no good because it won’t influence the readers’ mind as it looks unimportant when you didn’t elaborate on it. I have to reread the same part 3 times to get the flow back in place and it is definitely not a good thing.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/15 there are a lot of mistakes found in your story and it’s not my habit to not point it out because I want you to get a better view of it. Take a lot of this:
1) My body shivered as the magical moment ignites the world around us.
(Ignites supposed to be in past tense because you already have the whole story in past tense. Don’t mix it up with other because it will confuse the readers on when the story happen; future? Past? Present?)
2) Junsu is going to tell me about something important.
(is supposed to be was because it is in past tense)
3) “You know what’s going on in my life Li Yin and it‘s not getting easier for me.”
(“You know what’s going on in my life, Li Yin and it‘s not getting easier for me.” Don’t forget the comma)
4) I smiled thinking he just a had a change of mind
(I take this as a spelling mistake. You shouldn’t put ‘a’ in front of ‘had’. It’s wrong so be careful on that)
5) Just like that Junsu left and ended my life.
(This sounds really wrong. Ended my life means Li Yin is literally dead but I can see she’s not. I was shocked to read this line and I have to go and reread the whole thing again to get your point. Using this kind of words can cause confusion among readers so be careful on what you write. Try this instead: Just like that, Junsu left and somehow I feel like the world had turned its back against me. It shows that the character has lost hope on life by not mentioning death in a literal manner)
6) I wanted to ask him but I don’t have the strength to.
(Again, you messed up the tenses. It is supposed to be didn’t.)
7) The alcohol went into my head driving getting me oh so drunk
(I don’t get this sentence and it is obviously wrong. Driving and getting are not supposed to exist at the same time. You either write: The alcohol went into my head, driving me oh so drunk. Or. The alcohol went into my head, getting me oh so drunk. Don’t forget the comma too.)
8) Even If I wanted to know why and how I ended up at her house I don’t want to hear her tell all the crazy stuffs I did last night
(‘I don’t want to hear’ supposed to be I didn’t want to hear. Again, I stress this out. Don’t mix the tenses up)
9) I know how disrespectful It was to leave without making her finish talking
(You spelled ‘it’ wrongly. It should be in small letter)
10)Did she find some other girl that has the same duck butt like him?”
(You refer to Junsu so it should be ‘he’)
11)“Your kidding me.”
(Spelling mistake. It is supposed to be “You’re kidding me.”)
12)Maybe that’s the second reason why I fell inlove with Junsu
(spelling mistake again. In love should have space between them.)
13)The cab ride to Hongdae Taeyon and I had was the scariest ride in our entire life ever.
14)(Don’t forget comma because the sentence looks entirely wrong. I had trouble over this one. Consider this: The cab ride to Hongdae, Taeyon and I had, been the scariest ride in our entire life, ever.” Or. The cab ride to Hongdae, Taeyon and I had the scariest ride in our entire life, ever.”)
15)The driver looked like he was some sort of a crazy dude and drives the car like we were in a racing field.
(Drives supposed to be drove. Past tense, remember that.)
16)I can feel the girl burning my back with his wild stare.
(Be careful with identification address. You’re referring to a girl so it is supposed to be her instead of his.)
17) “It’s okay, im used to it.”
(Spelling mistake again. I’m not im)
18)I’m gonna be away from Seoul for quiet a while.
(Don’t use short form in writing because it will bring down your writing skill and you spell quite, wrongly. Quiet is silent or no sound while quite means entirely or rather or nearly.)
19)I’m gonna hit him hard in the head.
(Again, don’t use short form)
20) Open this door and let me explain..”
(You tend to repeat this mistake a lot of time. Period (.) only exist in solo or a set of 3. Don’t rush when you’re writing and take time to recheck everything.)
That’s pretty much of what I want to point out but there’s more similar mistakes in your story. I won’t point it all out but you got what I mean. Try to avoid the usage of short form and be careful with spellings and identification address. Use spell check if you use Microsoft Words to write or you can proof-read it manually because it will works better that way.)
Characterization: 6/10 the characters are a bit vague. The basic characters role is no problem but reason is what makes me wonder. You didn’t say the exact reason why Junsu broke up with her, maybe because you make the story in Li Yin’s point of view and she doesn’t know it too but try to give, maybe fragments of it so the readers can understand of what kind of guy Junsu is. And Jaejoong character looks spontaneous with less detail. Spontaneity is good but less detail is bad. He is like an everyday ordinary bar manager who tried to get a usual hang of a chick. And even Li Yin herself is quite incomplete so try to write more details on them along the story. And I got one problem with the name. In chapter 1, the main character is Li Yin but when I check the next chapter, it turns to Ri Yin. I’m not sure whether both are the same person and that person has two names or you’re writing about two completely different person. Or it is a spelling mistake because I’m not familiar with the character except for DBSK boys.
Originality: 7/10 I can see your original writing in this story, even though the plot is quite cliché and the story haven’t finished yet so I won’t be judging the story in overall, instead I will just judge it on the update you have posted. So far, some scenes caught my attention like when Junsu broke of with Ri/Li Yin, it happen in a kitchen while she was washing the dishes unlike most stories which will make them broke off in some fancy restaurants or parks or schools. It shows that you insert a real life attempt scene into your story to make it more logical. So thumbs up for that.
Writing style: 7/10 your writing style is good. Not to say it is neat because you do have some incomplete sentences and words that don’t sound write but it is good so far. Try to revise the sentence you’ve written before you post it and make sure you know what you’re writing so it won’t contradict the upcoming scene. Construct your sentence properly and try to add or combine the sentences if you can so it would enhance the sentence’s length.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10 I do enjoy your story at first but after I spotted a lot of mistakes, my attention ran from the story to listing it down the mistakes rather than reading it so I have to read it again to get the story. You should try to reduce the error because even though it’s not significant but it will effect your writing skill and English proficiency greatly if you repeat it more than once. And watch out for the originality because I don’t want you to lose it by using cliché scenes. Your flow needs attention as well, not to say it is bad, in fact, it is good so far but it’s the only aspect that looks vulnerable for now. Try to keep it constant and if you think something is wrong with the flow, write flashback to extend the time span or you can re-write the whole chapter again with a good amount of details. Either way is acceptable.
Overall score: 60/100
Saturday, 12 September 2009
A Thousand Paper Cranes by tempura
Name: tempura
Story Title : A Thousand Paper Cranes
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tempura/
Reviewer: aZn_sw3in @ lostshadows.co.nr
* Warning : I have nothing against the author and i don't mean to insult the author in anyway I'm just honest .
If i write long comments or short comments it depends on my mood and my English . If i write short ones it's nothing against the author .
Title: 4/5
I like it . It's really matches the story . But it doesn't stand out much .
Poster/Background: -/10
Sorry no points . You don't have a poster or background .
Forewords: 3/5
A little bit short ? but for a one shot it's okay i think .
Plot: 15/15
LOVED IT . Sakura folding 999 paper cranes for 3 whole years just for a wish .
That she want's to move on xD . And when she's almost finished sasuke comes back . Well i wonder if they kissed ?
Flow: 10/10
PERFECT . It wasn't too fast and too slow .Keep up the good work .
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/10
I don't think i saw any mistakes . Good Job =)
Characterization: 8/10
It wasn't that clear but since i knew the naruto characters i had no problem with that .
Orginality: 10/10
I never read something like that before ! Or did i ? i can't remember xD
Writing style: 5/5
I liked it it's neat and clean . but what's with the "1000-1000-1000-1000- .." at the end ? o.o
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
TOTALLY loved it . Well maybe because i just have a Sasuke x Sakura phase at the moment .
Overall score: 85/100
Story Title : A Thousand Paper Cranes
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tempura/
Reviewer: aZn_sw3in @ lostshadows.co.nr
* Warning : I have nothing against the author and i don't mean to insult the author in anyway I'm just honest .
If i write long comments or short comments it depends on my mood and my English . If i write short ones it's nothing against the author .
Title: 4/5
I like it . It's really matches the story . But it doesn't stand out much .
Poster/Background: -/10
Sorry no points . You don't have a poster or background .
Forewords: 3/5
A little bit short ? but for a one shot it's okay i think .
Plot: 15/15
LOVED IT . Sakura folding 999 paper cranes for 3 whole years just for a wish .
That she want's to move on xD . And when she's almost finished sasuke comes back . Well i wonder if they kissed ?
Flow: 10/10
PERFECT . It wasn't too fast and too slow .Keep up the good work .
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/10
I don't think i saw any mistakes . Good Job =)
Characterization: 8/10
It wasn't that clear but since i knew the naruto characters i had no problem with that .
Orginality: 10/10
I never read something like that before ! Or did i ? i can't remember xD
Writing style: 5/5
I liked it it's neat and clean . but what's with the "1000-1000-1000-1000- .." at the end ? o.o
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
TOTALLY loved it . Well maybe because i just have a Sasuke x Sakura phase at the moment .
Overall score: 85/100
Monday, 7 September 2009
Lacrimosa Terra by .flavored
Title: Lacrimosa Terra
Author: .flavored
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/flavored_6/
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows.co.nr
Note: I’m really sorry for taking long. I’ve been really busy lately and sleepy, so every time I try to review a story, sleepiness takes over me. I hope you forgive. I am really sorry.
Title: 4/5
- I have absolutely NO IDEA whatsoever of what the title means but it did caught my eye, for it was very unique. I somehow see the connection of the story with the title, even though you haven’t exactly pointed that fact out yet. Well, the way they were mentioning the title in the story, I think all of the events were happening because of “Lacrimosa Terra”.
Poster/Background: 8/10
- I actually like your poster very much. I like it because it’s so simple yet it was elegant and beautifully designed. I also think the picture of the boys in the picture matches it. And even though there’s no background, I think the white color goes with the poster and I also think that a background is no longer needed.
Forewords: 4/5
- I ABSOLUTELY love your forewords. The way you wrote it was absolutely fantastic. I love your unique use and choice of words. Although, you could maybe put a little introduction for the characters but nevertheless, it was fantastic.
Plot: 12/15
- You plot is quite interesting yet, it is very confusing. It was very hard keeping track of the events in the story, everything just seems to happen. But, what I like in your plot is, it was full of mystery. It just captivates me and pulls me in to read the story more.
Flow: 5/10
- The flow of the story was, for me, unstable. The story was dragged a little bit because of the length of the chapters, but the events in each chapter was happening a bit too fast, I think it’s because of the quantity of the characters. When you first read the story, you get confused because this was happening to a certain group, then this was happening to another. Also, it lessened my understanding of the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
- I have to admit, I thought you would get a perfect score for this, but as I read on, I found several minor mistakes. They weren’t anything big, but you still have to be careful though. Your sentences were a bit too short and you had a lot of fragmented sentence, that isn’t really attractive, so, I suggest you work on that. Proofreading would help a lot.
Characterization: 7/10
- I TRULY admire you for having such a big number of characters and for keeping track of them. I admit, I was a little confused at first, wondering who was this and that, but as I read, I started to remember the characters very well. You portrayed their personalities very well too. I like the personalities of the characters in your story because, it seems like all of them have a hint of mystery behind them. For me, the characters or rather couple that appeals to me is, Curione and Ash. I like them because they are very mysterious yet funny and very amusing. I somehow don’t like and like when the characters suddenly pop up. I don’t like because I’d be going “Another one,” but I do like it because it someone unexpected.
Originality: 10/10
- I’ve never read a story like this before. All parts of the story were very original.
Writing style: 7/10
- I’ve read the reviews you’ve received, I have to agree to the reviewers, in chapters one and two, you wrote very formal and descriptive sentences, but as it goes on, you wrote informally, making it funny, but you kind of lost your descriptive writing. You started being less descriptive of the surroundings of the characters and what was happening. I think—noticing that you’re very creative—you will find a way to be very descriptive in your sentences, yet funny and amusing.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
- There were some confusions with the story but I enjoyed it very much. It was a very exciting, amusing, funny, and mysterious fanfic. When I saw this on winglin, I actually almost read it. I’m very glad you chose me as the reviewer, I found another GREAT fanfiction. I wish you all the best, and who knows, I might continue reading this story. >_~
Overall score: 79/100
Author: .flavored
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/flavored_6/
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows.co.nr
Note: I’m really sorry for taking long. I’ve been really busy lately and sleepy, so every time I try to review a story, sleepiness takes over me. I hope you forgive. I am really sorry.
Title: 4/5
- I have absolutely NO IDEA whatsoever of what the title means but it did caught my eye, for it was very unique. I somehow see the connection of the story with the title, even though you haven’t exactly pointed that fact out yet. Well, the way they were mentioning the title in the story, I think all of the events were happening because of “Lacrimosa Terra”.
Poster/Background: 8/10
- I actually like your poster very much. I like it because it’s so simple yet it was elegant and beautifully designed. I also think the picture of the boys in the picture matches it. And even though there’s no background, I think the white color goes with the poster and I also think that a background is no longer needed.
Forewords: 4/5
- I ABSOLUTELY love your forewords. The way you wrote it was absolutely fantastic. I love your unique use and choice of words. Although, you could maybe put a little introduction for the characters but nevertheless, it was fantastic.
Plot: 12/15
- You plot is quite interesting yet, it is very confusing. It was very hard keeping track of the events in the story, everything just seems to happen. But, what I like in your plot is, it was full of mystery. It just captivates me and pulls me in to read the story more.
Flow: 5/10
- The flow of the story was, for me, unstable. The story was dragged a little bit because of the length of the chapters, but the events in each chapter was happening a bit too fast, I think it’s because of the quantity of the characters. When you first read the story, you get confused because this was happening to a certain group, then this was happening to another. Also, it lessened my understanding of the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
- I have to admit, I thought you would get a perfect score for this, but as I read on, I found several minor mistakes. They weren’t anything big, but you still have to be careful though. Your sentences were a bit too short and you had a lot of fragmented sentence, that isn’t really attractive, so, I suggest you work on that. Proofreading would help a lot.
Characterization: 7/10
- I TRULY admire you for having such a big number of characters and for keeping track of them. I admit, I was a little confused at first, wondering who was this and that, but as I read, I started to remember the characters very well. You portrayed their personalities very well too. I like the personalities of the characters in your story because, it seems like all of them have a hint of mystery behind them. For me, the characters or rather couple that appeals to me is, Curione and Ash. I like them because they are very mysterious yet funny and very amusing. I somehow don’t like and like when the characters suddenly pop up. I don’t like because I’d be going “Another one,” but I do like it because it someone unexpected.
Originality: 10/10
- I’ve never read a story like this before. All parts of the story were very original.
Writing style: 7/10
- I’ve read the reviews you’ve received, I have to agree to the reviewers, in chapters one and two, you wrote very formal and descriptive sentences, but as it goes on, you wrote informally, making it funny, but you kind of lost your descriptive writing. You started being less descriptive of the surroundings of the characters and what was happening. I think—noticing that you’re very creative—you will find a way to be very descriptive in your sentences, yet funny and amusing.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
- There were some confusions with the story but I enjoyed it very much. It was a very exciting, amusing, funny, and mysterious fanfic. When I saw this on winglin, I actually almost read it. I’m very glad you chose me as the reviewer, I found another GREAT fanfiction. I wish you all the best, and who knows, I might continue reading this story. >_~
Overall score: 79/100
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