Till My Last Breath by jyyms

Story Title: Till My Last Breath
Story Author: jyyms
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jyyms3/
Reviewer: Darkess

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*


Title: 5/5

Perfect

Poster/Background: 8/10

*gasps* SO PRETTY! I love it so much ^^ but I can't really read the quotes. Like I can but I have to lean in a lot >< just wishing they would have been a little bigger, but I love how it was like in a movie poster form o.o SO AWESOME

Forewords: 5/5

The forewards isvery intimidating, and it completely drew me in. I liked it a lot, and thought it was an interesting way to begin a story. Two thumbs up ^^ or... going with the poster, 4 stars XD

Plot: 10/15

I think the story could have been a bit longer, but it's a one shot, what can I expect? Anyways, I think that the end of the story was predictable from the forewards, and I know you purposely did it like that, but if there was a way to kind of hide the ending.... I don't know it could have made it a little better. The clouds were cute though, and her being able to hear him so nice job there.

Flow: 10/10

Everything happened in realistic time, and nothing was confusing ^^

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 14/15

head down and crouched up

wasn't really an error, but you could say crouched and leave the word 'up' off of it and it would still make sense

It had been four hours and I haven't heard anything from the doctors yet.

you switched tenses in the middle of the sentence. Either say 'It has been (rest of sentence) or "(sentence) and I hadn't heard anything from the doctors yet"

fast I panicked

fast that I panicked, or fast. I panicked

his, was pain

no comma is needed

MY BOYFRIEND GOT CRAHSED BY A CAR!

CRASHED ... and uhm you probably shouldn't say my boyfriend got crashed by a car. Maybe, "my boyfriend was hit by a truck" or something along the lines of that

Characterization: 10/10

Even though the story was short, you were still able to build on the characters and their personalities really well.

Orginality: 5/10

Niether the car crash, nor the guardian angel concepts were extremely unique, but the balloon idea was, and the proposal right before the accident was an added twist

Writing style: 10/10

Your writing style is easy to understand and follow, and even though it was a short story, you were still able to get your readers into the characters enough to make us all cry or be really sad at the end, so amazing job there.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

It wasn't the most entertaining dramatic love story I've ever read, but it was still pretty good, and I actually wanted to read it to the end. the story held my attention.

Overall score: 84/100