Story Title: Broken Strings
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/brokenstrings/
Author: starbucks & nine_princess
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows
Title: 3.5/5
I do see the meaning of your title but to me, the best one-shot titles are those that actually include their title. I don’t mean that you paste your title in every paragraph but at least once in the whole thing because it helps to make it a little more… touching? (Hmmm I can’t think of the word…) =D Good try!
Poster/Background: 7/10
The poster is nice, the feeling it releases feels good, and Aaron looks hot (okay, rather random…) but, but, I just don’t like your black font and also I don’t really see the link between the background and story… PS. Aaron looks REAL hot! XD
Forewords: 3.5/5
Hmmmm, I would say that you wrote your forewords in my favorite way. So, I would naturally have a strong liking towards it. However, it just doesn’t seem as smooth, in terms of reading, as it should be…
Plot: 12/15
I would say that it was rather new, but I know that more can be done. As in I liked the way that they didn’t have a happy ending but it isn’t that new... Hmmm perhaps a little more emotions would have been good…
Flow: 9/10
I don’t see any major problem but I feel the numbering of forwards rather awkward… I mean you don’t really name your characters Girl A and Girl B, right? So the same thing here!
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
No big problem in this area. Of course one or two errors here and there but on the whole it was still quite well-done. Of course you could have tried to use more descriptive words. Next, I just have one thing to point out, the both of you typed different parts of the story, right? Because throughout the whole story, I saw 2 versions of how you spell Aaron. (Yup, I prefer to type it this way :D)
Characterization: 7/10
Not bad, but more descriptions. I felt that Aaron was being slightly neglected. But I must say that Hebe was described rather nicely.
Orginality: 7.5/10
It was good, with all the twist and turns but on the whole there wasn’t any oh-my-gosh-how-can-that-happen scene… At least for me, hmm effects of watching too much television.
Writing style: 4/5
I am cool with it, but I actually prefer writing in nobody’s POV because it allows you to write in a fuller way. I mean, it gives you the right to show everyone’s emotions instead of jut Hebe’s.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
It was a pleasure reading this. Nothing too tough or tedious rather light… (Okay I am supposed to be heartbroken… but oh well…) On the whole I liked it, but it just lacked a certain X-factor. It is good, it really is. But it wasn’t impactful enough I guess. However, having said that, I must once again reassure you that it really well written. Continue writing for Bebu! =D
Overall score: 70/100
PS. Have you thought of getting a trailer? It would look good on your story…The first scene could have many people dancing or something like that. (Just an opinion)
PSS. Just a pointer, you can’t actually ‘break’ a string…
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Monday, 25 May 2009
If I can see again by SueWey
If I can see again by SueWey
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suewey3/
Reviewed by jwyl
Title: 4/5
I thought the title was quite interesting. Before I received this request, I had already clicked on this title because it attracted me.
Poster/Background: 8/10
I think the poster and background matched the story line quite well. Just glancing at the poster already gave me a feel of the story. I could already tell that the atmosphere wasn’t so positive. And the colors are not distracting.
Forewords: 3/5
I thought the forward was a bit common. Just reading it made me think of Korean dramas. But it was attracting, the way you wrote it out. But I also took a point off because you separated the foreword into two parts, which I didn’t totally get. But you were able to explain what will be happening in the story without giving all the information.
Plot: 12/15
To be honest, the plot was well thought out, but it’s just the fact that I’ve seen this kind of plot dozens of times. I’ve seen it in other stories, books, and dramas.
Flow: 7/10
The flow of the story was quite good. But it’s just the end that I thought things were taken a bit too quickly. I mean, she could have taken some time to maybe heal up her eyes and let Junsu take care of her for just a bit longer, just let them have a bit more time together would be nice. And the ending wasn’t what I expected. Their relationship ended too abruptly. They got in a fight in the hospital, Junsu sends her a letter, and that’s it. It just ends at that. It doesn’t say what happens after she receives the letter.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10
I hardly spotted any mistakes. But I thought that there were some words/sentences that could be used differently.
Characterization: 9/10
I could feel their love and hate for each other throughout the story. I could really tell that Junsu really loved LiYin. And I could tell how much LiYin wanted to see the world.
Orginality: 8/10
I’ve seen a lot of stories that has one person end up sacrificing themselves for the other person. But other than that, it was alright.
Writing style: 4/5
I like your style of writing. But next time, try to connect the sentences together to be able to form into a paragraph. You could have little sentences by itself once in a while, but it would look better if you had them in groups of three or more sentences.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I really enjoyed it. But it was so sad how Junsu gave LiYin his own eyes so that she could see the world again. But reading the ending got me a bit mad, because LiYin broke her promise to Junsu. I actually thought that they were going to be able to get married in the end after LiYin was able to see again. The ending was a bit unexpected for me.
Overall score: 83/100
I hope you like your overall score. I thought that it was a well written one-shot. I was really interested in it. But then again, there’s bound to be flaws in everything right? But overall, GREAT JOB!
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suewey3/
Reviewed by jwyl
Title: 4/5
I thought the title was quite interesting. Before I received this request, I had already clicked on this title because it attracted me.
Poster/Background: 8/10
I think the poster and background matched the story line quite well. Just glancing at the poster already gave me a feel of the story. I could already tell that the atmosphere wasn’t so positive. And the colors are not distracting.
Forewords: 3/5
I thought the forward was a bit common. Just reading it made me think of Korean dramas. But it was attracting, the way you wrote it out. But I also took a point off because you separated the foreword into two parts, which I didn’t totally get. But you were able to explain what will be happening in the story without giving all the information.
Plot: 12/15
To be honest, the plot was well thought out, but it’s just the fact that I’ve seen this kind of plot dozens of times. I’ve seen it in other stories, books, and dramas.
Flow: 7/10
The flow of the story was quite good. But it’s just the end that I thought things were taken a bit too quickly. I mean, she could have taken some time to maybe heal up her eyes and let Junsu take care of her for just a bit longer, just let them have a bit more time together would be nice. And the ending wasn’t what I expected. Their relationship ended too abruptly. They got in a fight in the hospital, Junsu sends her a letter, and that’s it. It just ends at that. It doesn’t say what happens after she receives the letter.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10
I hardly spotted any mistakes. But I thought that there were some words/sentences that could be used differently.
Characterization: 9/10
I could feel their love and hate for each other throughout the story. I could really tell that Junsu really loved LiYin. And I could tell how much LiYin wanted to see the world.
Orginality: 8/10
I’ve seen a lot of stories that has one person end up sacrificing themselves for the other person. But other than that, it was alright.
Writing style: 4/5
I like your style of writing. But next time, try to connect the sentences together to be able to form into a paragraph. You could have little sentences by itself once in a while, but it would look better if you had them in groups of three or more sentences.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I really enjoyed it. But it was so sad how Junsu gave LiYin his own eyes so that she could see the world again. But reading the ending got me a bit mad, because LiYin broke her promise to Junsu. I actually thought that they were going to be able to get married in the end after LiYin was able to see again. The ending was a bit unexpected for me.
Overall score: 83/100
I hope you like your overall score. I thought that it was a well written one-shot. I was really interested in it. But then again, there’s bound to be flaws in everything right? But overall, GREAT JOB!
Sunday, 17 May 2009
You Need An Answer by Mai
You Need An Answer by Mai
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/mangalover93
reviewer: jwyl
Title: 4/5
I find the title quite unique. If I see it, it kind of makes me want to click on it and find out the ‘answer’.
Poster/Background: 5/10
I’m sorry, but the background is not working for me. In my opinion, I think the background color doesn’t match the poster at all. And the poster seems to be made in a really short period of time. I think the font and color of the letters could have been done a lot better. It might have been a lot better if the designer of the poster stuck with the same colors for the font.
Forewords: 2/5
I found the forward a bit common. I’ve seen stories that have the similar summary as yours. And I found a couple grammar mistakes.
Plot: 11/15
It wasn’t too bad. I thought that the plot was okay… It could have been better.
Flow: 8/10
There were some parts that you were taking it too quickly. Like at the part when Seungri comes home and just suddenly faints. I don’t think that he would have been able to get a high fever that quickly.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
I think you should double check your story before posting it because I was able to find numerous vocabulary/grammar mistakes.
Characterization: 8/10
I was kind of able to understand the character’s personality and such.
Originality: 7/10
I’ve seen a lot of things like this on Winglin.
Writing style: 4/5
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
Overall score: 61/100
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/mangalover93
reviewer: jwyl
Title: 4/5
I find the title quite unique. If I see it, it kind of makes me want to click on it and find out the ‘answer’.
Poster/Background: 5/10
I’m sorry, but the background is not working for me. In my opinion, I think the background color doesn’t match the poster at all. And the poster seems to be made in a really short period of time. I think the font and color of the letters could have been done a lot better. It might have been a lot better if the designer of the poster stuck with the same colors for the font.
Forewords: 2/5
I found the forward a bit common. I’ve seen stories that have the similar summary as yours. And I found a couple grammar mistakes.
Plot: 11/15
It wasn’t too bad. I thought that the plot was okay… It could have been better.
Flow: 8/10
There were some parts that you were taking it too quickly. Like at the part when Seungri comes home and just suddenly faints. I don’t think that he would have been able to get a high fever that quickly.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
I think you should double check your story before posting it because I was able to find numerous vocabulary/grammar mistakes.
Characterization: 8/10
I was kind of able to understand the character’s personality and such.
Originality: 7/10
I’ve seen a lot of things like this on Winglin.
Writing style: 4/5
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
Overall score: 61/100
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Plea of Remembrance by ixie1504
Autor : ixie1504
Storyname : Plea of Remembrance
Story Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Porkypig2/
Reviewed by aZn_sw3in @ lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 4/5
I doesn't really match your Plot but it's still unique .
Poster/Background: -/10
You don't have a Poster/Background .
Forewords: 5/5
It's short but i really like it through .
I liked The Prologue if you can call it so and the quotes !
Plot: 10/15
I've seen this plot around here a lot .
Flow: 8/10
The flow as okay . Sometimes it was way to fast and then it was to slow sometimes .
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
Your English is very good ! Good Job . I don't think is saw any mistakes .
Characterization: 8/10
You could see the personalities and their emotions you described very good . ^^
Originality: 8/10
Like i said before I've seen this plot around here alot but still there were things i never read before . Good Job .
Writing style: 5/5
I totally loved your writing style . It's very neat! ! Good Job !
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I didn't enjoyed it at first but later then i was in this story . I Love CHUNELLA ! . Good Job ^^
Overall score: 81/100
Storyname : Plea of Remembrance
Story Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Porkypig2/
Reviewed by aZn_sw3in @ lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 4/5
I doesn't really match your Plot but it's still unique .
Poster/Background: -/10
You don't have a Poster/Background .
Forewords: 5/5
It's short but i really like it through .
I liked The Prologue if you can call it so and the quotes !
Plot: 10/15
I've seen this plot around here a lot .
Flow: 8/10
The flow as okay . Sometimes it was way to fast and then it was to slow sometimes .
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
Your English is very good ! Good Job . I don't think is saw any mistakes .
Characterization: 8/10
You could see the personalities and their emotions you described very good . ^^
Originality: 8/10
Like i said before I've seen this plot around here alot but still there were things i never read before . Good Job .
Writing style: 5/5
I totally loved your writing style . It's very neat! ! Good Job !
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I didn't enjoyed it at first but later then i was in this story . I Love CHUNELLA ! . Good Job ^^
Overall score: 81/100
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Can't Escape by ShadowYin
Can't Escape by ShadowYin
http://winglin.net/fanfic/_shadow
Reviewer: jwyl
Title: 3/5
I thought that the title of the story wasn’t as catchy as the rest of the story.
Poster/Background: 8/10
I just kind of think it’s a bit plain and the poster doesn’t really tell me a story.
Forewords: 5/5
Wow. I really liked your prologue. You wrote it so interesting that I couldn’t take my eyes off. Even though it was simply written, I was still very attracted to it.
Plot: 14/15
I thought that you planned everything quite well. There were a lot of things that made sense and was well explained and written.
Flow: 7/10
At some parts of the story, I found that it went by a bit too quickly. The beginning was going by too quickly. I wasn’t able to get a real sense of the image before you skipped to another scene.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
There weren’t much mistakes in your story. But I was still able to find a few of them every once in a while.
Characterization: 8/10
I wasn’t entirely able to read out what the daemon forms looked like. It didn’t tell me much of how their appearance was.
Orginality: 9/10
I think this story is quite original. Even if it wasn’t, I still thought it was quite exciting. I haven’t read anything like this yet on Winglin.
Writing style: 5/5
I like your style. It’s nice and simple, something that I like.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
Overall score: 86/100
I really enjoyed reading your story! I was really engrossed into it. I read it until there was no more chapters. When I finished reading all the chapters it made me sad because I wanted to know what happens in the next chapter.
http://winglin.net/fanfic/_shadow
Reviewer: jwyl
Title: 3/5
I thought that the title of the story wasn’t as catchy as the rest of the story.
Poster/Background: 8/10
I just kind of think it’s a bit plain and the poster doesn’t really tell me a story.
Forewords: 5/5
Wow. I really liked your prologue. You wrote it so interesting that I couldn’t take my eyes off. Even though it was simply written, I was still very attracted to it.
Plot: 14/15
I thought that you planned everything quite well. There were a lot of things that made sense and was well explained and written.
Flow: 7/10
At some parts of the story, I found that it went by a bit too quickly. The beginning was going by too quickly. I wasn’t able to get a real sense of the image before you skipped to another scene.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
There weren’t much mistakes in your story. But I was still able to find a few of them every once in a while.
Characterization: 8/10
I wasn’t entirely able to read out what the daemon forms looked like. It didn’t tell me much of how their appearance was.
Orginality: 9/10
I think this story is quite original. Even if it wasn’t, I still thought it was quite exciting. I haven’t read anything like this yet on Winglin.
Writing style: 5/5
I like your style. It’s nice and simple, something that I like.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
Overall score: 86/100
I really enjoyed reading your story! I was really engrossed into it. I read it until there was no more chapters. When I finished reading all the chapters it made me sad because I wanted to know what happens in the next chapter.
Tuesday, 12 May 2009
Her Simple Peasant by SueWey
Title: Her Simple Peasant
Author: SueWey
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suewey2
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows
Title: 4/5
- The title does match the story. But it wasn’t eye-catchy or interesting. There are possibilities that people will not click your story and read it.
Poster/Background: 9/10
- The poster gives off a simple and elegant feeling and it matches the story. It was beautifully made. But the background was a little too plain for me.
Forewords: 3/5
- You did a great job in the forewords. Although, when I read the forewords, I didn’t think that the story would be like that. It gave off a whole different story to me. And I think it kinda revealed a little too much of the story.
Plot: 13/15
- Even though the plot is a little cliché, the story was very interesting. Most parts of the story were not seen in other stories.
Flow: 8/10
- Your flow was a little off in some points in the story. But you still kept a nice pace.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
- Your spelling is absolutely okay. I’ve spotted several grammar mistakes and your vocabulary is fine but there’s still room for more.
Characterization: 6/10
- I didn’t get much of there personalities in the story.
Orginality: 8/10
- Although a little cliché, there were definitely a lot of things different in your story.
I like the way that the story was like in the future but it still gave off a feeling of the past. Very Original.
Writing style: 4/5
- It was okay. Your writing style is interesting, neat, and understandble.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
- I enjoyed your story a lot. But sometimes I was a little confused with the settings of the story. Anyways, I enjoyed it a lot and I am a BIG JaeYumi fan. Good Luck in your next oneshot.
Overall score: 72/100
Author: SueWey
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suewey2
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows
Title: 4/5
- The title does match the story. But it wasn’t eye-catchy or interesting. There are possibilities that people will not click your story and read it.
Poster/Background: 9/10
- The poster gives off a simple and elegant feeling and it matches the story. It was beautifully made. But the background was a little too plain for me.
Forewords: 3/5
- You did a great job in the forewords. Although, when I read the forewords, I didn’t think that the story would be like that. It gave off a whole different story to me. And I think it kinda revealed a little too much of the story.
Plot: 13/15
- Even though the plot is a little cliché, the story was very interesting. Most parts of the story were not seen in other stories.
Flow: 8/10
- Your flow was a little off in some points in the story. But you still kept a nice pace.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
- Your spelling is absolutely okay. I’ve spotted several grammar mistakes and your vocabulary is fine but there’s still room for more.
Characterization: 6/10
- I didn’t get much of there personalities in the story.
Orginality: 8/10
- Although a little cliché, there were definitely a lot of things different in your story.
I like the way that the story was like in the future but it still gave off a feeling of the past. Very Original.
Writing style: 4/5
- It was okay. Your writing style is interesting, neat, and understandble.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
- I enjoyed your story a lot. But sometimes I was a little confused with the settings of the story. Anyways, I enjoyed it a lot and I am a BIG JaeYumi fan. Good Luck in your next oneshot.
Overall score: 72/100
All along high school by riz-2611
Title: All along high school
Author: riz-2611
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/riz01/
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows
Title: 4/5
- I see the connection of the story with the title. It does fit but it’s too common and not eye-catchy enough for me to click and read it.
Poster/Background: 8/10
- I don’t really know if I like the poster but it is pretty. But I’M not sure if I like it. The background was a little to plain but it was still okay. Oh and why is Genie not in the poster?
Forewords: 4/5
- You did a good job in the forewords but the problem is you put little introduction to the story in the forewords. Mostly, you described the characters and you did a very good job on that by the way but you didn’t write any introduction to the story so that your readers will have an idea of what the story would be like. But I do love the quote you placed in it.
Plot: 9/15
- Your plot is cliché. I’ve read this kind of stories many times. And sometimes you’re story is a little predictable.
Flow: 8/10
- I think the flow went a little too fast sometimes but most of the times you kept a nice pace.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
- Your score is definitely low in this section. I saw several spelling mistakes all through out the entire story. Your vocabulary is not that good. And your grammar is definitely NOT good. I saw a LOT of grammar mistakes and it ruined the story for me.
Example:
Dear my lovely Ella,
If you read this letter, maybe I already gone or still sleep at the hospital like a doll.. Please, don’t give up when I already die; I want you to be strong. I love you so much and if can, I don’t want to leave you. But maybe the fate doesn’t want us to be together, I hope you will find a man that good than me. Don’t give up because of me, you must move on, promise? I love you. Our memories will always alive.
Your stupid boyfriend
Danson Tang
Edited:
Dear Ella,
While you are reading this letter, maybe I’m already gone or still sleeping in the hospital like a doll. Please don’t give up when I die; I want you to be strong. I love you so much and if I can, I don’t want to leave you. But maybe fate doesn’t want us to be together. I hope you will find a man that is better than me. Don’t give up because of me, you must move on. I love you. Our memories will always be alive.
Your stupid boyfriend,
Danson Tang
A dictionary by your side will help you a lot whenever writing a story.
Characterization: 6/10
- You described the characters in the forewords, but when their in the actual story, their personality changed.
Orginality: 6/10
- Not that much originalty.
Writing style: 2/5
- Honestly, I don’t like reading stories that are written in script and IT IS unappropriate for a story.. Script writing is more appropriate for scripts for movies and etc. And what I also hate in script writing is that their actions are mostly in brackets or stars. It annoys me a lot.
I sugget that you DON’T use script writing instead try using this,
Example:
Ella: where will you go?
Selina: I will follow Jiro! [Smile]
Hebe: I will follow Aaron to study in London! [Smile]
Genie: Calvin going to bring me to meet his parents… [Smile]
Selina: where are you going?
Ella: I and Chun will go to New York! [Smile]
Edited:
“Where will you go?” Ella asked all of her friends.
“I will follow Jiro!” Selina immediately answered.
“I will follow Aaron to study in London!” Hebe replied as she smiled, full of joy.
“Calvin will bring me to New York to meet his parents.” Genie smiled shyly.
"Where will you go?"Selina looked at Ella.
“Chun and I will go to New York.” Ella answered as she smiled sheepishly.
Of course it is just MY suggestion. You can still use script writing if you like but make it neater and spaced out.
Overall enjoyment: 5/10
- I’ll just say that I half enjoyed it and half didn’t.
Overall score: 57/100
Author: riz-2611
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/riz01/
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows
Title: 4/5
- I see the connection of the story with the title. It does fit but it’s too common and not eye-catchy enough for me to click and read it.
Poster/Background: 8/10
- I don’t really know if I like the poster but it is pretty. But I’M not sure if I like it. The background was a little to plain but it was still okay. Oh and why is Genie not in the poster?
Forewords: 4/5
- You did a good job in the forewords but the problem is you put little introduction to the story in the forewords. Mostly, you described the characters and you did a very good job on that by the way but you didn’t write any introduction to the story so that your readers will have an idea of what the story would be like. But I do love the quote you placed in it.
Plot: 9/15
- Your plot is cliché. I’ve read this kind of stories many times. And sometimes you’re story is a little predictable.
Flow: 8/10
- I think the flow went a little too fast sometimes but most of the times you kept a nice pace.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/10
- Your score is definitely low in this section. I saw several spelling mistakes all through out the entire story. Your vocabulary is not that good. And your grammar is definitely NOT good. I saw a LOT of grammar mistakes and it ruined the story for me.
Example:
Dear my lovely Ella,
If you read this letter, maybe I already gone or still sleep at the hospital like a doll.. Please, don’t give up when I already die; I want you to be strong. I love you so much and if can, I don’t want to leave you. But maybe the fate doesn’t want us to be together, I hope you will find a man that good than me. Don’t give up because of me, you must move on, promise? I love you. Our memories will always alive.
Your stupid boyfriend
Danson Tang
Edited:
Dear Ella,
While you are reading this letter, maybe I’m already gone or still sleeping in the hospital like a doll. Please don’t give up when I die; I want you to be strong. I love you so much and if I can, I don’t want to leave you. But maybe fate doesn’t want us to be together. I hope you will find a man that is better than me. Don’t give up because of me, you must move on. I love you. Our memories will always be alive.
Your stupid boyfriend,
Danson Tang
A dictionary by your side will help you a lot whenever writing a story.
Characterization: 6/10
- You described the characters in the forewords, but when their in the actual story, their personality changed.
Orginality: 6/10
- Not that much originalty.
Writing style: 2/5
- Honestly, I don’t like reading stories that are written in script and IT IS unappropriate for a story.. Script writing is more appropriate for scripts for movies and etc. And what I also hate in script writing is that their actions are mostly in brackets or stars. It annoys me a lot.
I sugget that you DON’T use script writing instead try using this,
Example:
Ella: where will you go?
Selina: I will follow Jiro! [Smile]
Hebe: I will follow Aaron to study in London! [Smile]
Genie: Calvin going to bring me to meet his parents… [Smile]
Selina: where are you going?
Ella: I and Chun will go to New York! [Smile]
Edited:
“Where will you go?” Ella asked all of her friends.
“I will follow Jiro!” Selina immediately answered.
“I will follow Aaron to study in London!” Hebe replied as she smiled, full of joy.
“Calvin will bring me to New York to meet his parents.” Genie smiled shyly.
"Where will you go?"Selina looked at Ella.
“Chun and I will go to New York.” Ella answered as she smiled sheepishly.
Of course it is just MY suggestion. You can still use script writing if you like but make it neater and spaced out.
Overall enjoyment: 5/10
- I’ll just say that I half enjoyed it and half didn’t.
Overall score: 57/100
Wedding by for3v3r
Wedding by for3v3r
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/bebuwed
Reviewer: jwyl
Title: 3/5
I feel like the title is not catchy enough.
Poster/Background: 10/10
I really love the poster and the background.
Forewords: 3/5
I was a bit disappointed because it didn’t tell much about the story.
Plot: 12/15
It wasn’t bad. I like the storyline. But it was just a bit too short for me.
Flow: 8/10
It did flow for me for most of the story. Everything was well organized. But it was the ending that caught me a bit. I was a bit disappointed how it just ended like that.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/10
You had everything correct.
Characterization: 8/10
I could sort of imagine the scene that I was reading. But because it was quite short, I didn’t have enough information in my head to get the entire scene.
Orginality: 8/10
I thought it was quite orginal. I like the idea of Hebe being betrayed because of what she did to Ian.
Writing style: 5/5
I like your writing style. And everything is so neat and looks great. It’s not sloppy.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
Just a bit too short. >_<
Overall score: 86/100
Sorry if you don’t like your mark, but I think the main problem was that it was just a bit too short. I prefer reading long stories.
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/bebuwed
Reviewer: jwyl
Title: 3/5
I feel like the title is not catchy enough.
Poster/Background: 10/10
I really love the poster and the background.
Forewords: 3/5
I was a bit disappointed because it didn’t tell much about the story.
Plot: 12/15
It wasn’t bad. I like the storyline. But it was just a bit too short for me.
Flow: 8/10
It did flow for me for most of the story. Everything was well organized. But it was the ending that caught me a bit. I was a bit disappointed how it just ended like that.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/10
You had everything correct.
Characterization: 8/10
I could sort of imagine the scene that I was reading. But because it was quite short, I didn’t have enough information in my head to get the entire scene.
Orginality: 8/10
I thought it was quite orginal. I like the idea of Hebe being betrayed because of what she did to Ian.
Writing style: 5/5
I like your writing style. And everything is so neat and looks great. It’s not sloppy.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
Just a bit too short. >_<
Overall score: 86/100
Sorry if you don’t like your mark, but I think the main problem was that it was just a bit too short. I prefer reading long stories.
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Missing You (One Shot) by Sarang_Changmin
Story Title : Missing You (One Shot) by Sarang_Changmin
Story URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/FoundYou
Reviewer: changminXmc
*** I have nothing against this author/writer.
Title: 3/5
* I've seen this title before, but then, I didn't feel the connection with the story. I guess, it wasn't strong enough to connect with the story.
Poster/Background: 7/10
* I liked the poster, it was cute, and nice, and the background. But it didn't seem to fit the story, maybe not for me.
Forewords: 3/5
* The forward was ok, alittle interesting, but then, I think you could've wrote it more differnetly. For example:
I found out that
I loved the one that was always there by me.
It could've been:
I found out that, the one I love was always there by me.
Or you could've expanded the forward more, with more details.
Plot: 12/15
* I think this plot wasn't anything new to me. I've seen stories like this, so I guess its ok.
Flow: 5/10
* You were rushing through the story. You could've added more details and more scene's to the story. Maybe have some more flashbacks of the girl and Changmin. And you could've had a scene where Minhwan fought Changmin or something, had a little spice in the story. And had some sad parts in the story as well.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
* There was parts where you wrote it and it didn't make sense. And you had a few spelling errors, for example, you wrote "Store" when it should've been "stare".
Characterization: 6/10
* I don't know, I didn't like how you organized your character's. I mean, I felt that you could've wrote details or added more details to the characters.
Orginality: 6/10
* I think this story was orginal, simple, and nice. Nothing new, to me, it was like many other stories I've read before.
Writing style: 3/5
* Your writing style is different from other's. Like you would write a big paragraph. But other's, they would write maybe 2 or 3 sentence together and separate. I think you should like separate so it won't be a big paragraph. and it might be easier to read, well, for me. lol.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
* I enjoyed it alittle. Cause Changminnie was in there, lol, no just kidding. I think this story was ok. A good, simple, and nice fanfiction to read.
Overall score: 61/100
P.S. Don't give out perfect scores. None so far.
Story URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/FoundYou
Reviewer: changminXmc
*** I have nothing against this author/writer.
Title: 3/5
* I've seen this title before, but then, I didn't feel the connection with the story. I guess, it wasn't strong enough to connect with the story.
Poster/Background: 7/10
* I liked the poster, it was cute, and nice, and the background. But it didn't seem to fit the story, maybe not for me.
Forewords: 3/5
* The forward was ok, alittle interesting, but then, I think you could've wrote it more differnetly. For example:
I found out that
I loved the one that was always there by me.
It could've been:
I found out that, the one I love was always there by me.
Or you could've expanded the forward more, with more details.
Plot: 12/15
* I think this plot wasn't anything new to me. I've seen stories like this, so I guess its ok.
Flow: 5/10
* You were rushing through the story. You could've added more details and more scene's to the story. Maybe have some more flashbacks of the girl and Changmin. And you could've had a scene where Minhwan fought Changmin or something, had a little spice in the story. And had some sad parts in the story as well.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8/10
* There was parts where you wrote it and it didn't make sense. And you had a few spelling errors, for example, you wrote "Store" when it should've been "stare".
Characterization: 6/10
* I don't know, I didn't like how you organized your character's. I mean, I felt that you could've wrote details or added more details to the characters.
Orginality: 6/10
* I think this story was orginal, simple, and nice. Nothing new, to me, it was like many other stories I've read before.
Writing style: 3/5
* Your writing style is different from other's. Like you would write a big paragraph. But other's, they would write maybe 2 or 3 sentence together and separate. I think you should like separate so it won't be a big paragraph. and it might be easier to read, well, for me. lol.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
* I enjoyed it alittle. Cause Changminnie was in there, lol, no just kidding. I think this story was ok. A good, simple, and nice fanfiction to read.
Overall score: 61/100
P.S. Don't give out perfect scores. None so far.
Dedicated by ctanonymous
Dedicated by ctanonymous
http://winglin.net/fanfic/ctanonymous_4/
Reviewed by : Rachael
Title: 4/5
The title suits the story a lot but I don’t find it catchy and it was quite common.
Poster/Background: 9/10
I simply love the poster and the background! Simple and nice. It matches the story a lot, and it did express how lonely Hebe was. Marks for readable text.
Forewords: 4/5
I like how you started off your forewords and nice character introduction you have there. But I would prefer you to slowly tell us your character’s personalities through the story not like how you have it in the forewords.
Plot: 12/15
I guess that the plot was well thought out and it went well though the plot was cliché. It was predictable and all but since this was for Valentine’s, it was a nice story. Furthermore, I’m sure that this happens to a lot of people, and surely, for this fic, they’ll get back together again in the end.
Flow: 9/10
The flow was great! It didn’t go too fast or too slow. I thought that maybe you could’ve written more on the ending. I somehow felt like the ending just ended fast.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10
I don’t know if it was my eyesight or whatever, but I didn’t spot any spelling mistakes and that’s a ‘wow!’. Not everyone could avoid spelling mistakes so perfectly.
And I did not spot any grammar mistakes (except for one) so all’s good.
Vocabulary’s above average (:
Characterization: 8/10
They were characterized well though I think that you could’ve write or described more about them, to make them more stand out.
Orginality: 5/10
I wouldn’t say that this fiction of yours is original since it was really cliché and you can see it in a lot of fictions in Winglin, but it was still a nice story overall.
Writing style: 4/5
I’m fine with your writing style. Easy to read and understand but could’ve been more descriptive.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
It was nice to read, a really cute one shot though it bore me a little :P
Overall score: 73/100
Note : I’m sorry that it took me quite a while to finish this review. School life had been hectic with me ):
http://winglin.net/fanfic/ctanonymous_4/
Reviewed by : Rachael
Title: 4/5
The title suits the story a lot but I don’t find it catchy and it was quite common.
Poster/Background: 9/10
I simply love the poster and the background! Simple and nice. It matches the story a lot, and it did express how lonely Hebe was. Marks for readable text.
Forewords: 4/5
I like how you started off your forewords and nice character introduction you have there. But I would prefer you to slowly tell us your character’s personalities through the story not like how you have it in the forewords.
Plot: 12/15
I guess that the plot was well thought out and it went well though the plot was cliché. It was predictable and all but since this was for Valentine’s, it was a nice story. Furthermore, I’m sure that this happens to a lot of people, and surely, for this fic, they’ll get back together again in the end.
Flow: 9/10
The flow was great! It didn’t go too fast or too slow. I thought that maybe you could’ve written more on the ending. I somehow felt like the ending just ended fast.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/10
I don’t know if it was my eyesight or whatever, but I didn’t spot any spelling mistakes and that’s a ‘wow!’. Not everyone could avoid spelling mistakes so perfectly.
And I did not spot any grammar mistakes (except for one) so all’s good.
Vocabulary’s above average (:
Characterization: 8/10
They were characterized well though I think that you could’ve write or described more about them, to make them more stand out.
Orginality: 5/10
I wouldn’t say that this fiction of yours is original since it was really cliché and you can see it in a lot of fictions in Winglin, but it was still a nice story overall.
Writing style: 4/5
I’m fine with your writing style. Easy to read and understand but could’ve been more descriptive.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
It was nice to read, a really cute one shot though it bore me a little :P
Overall score: 73/100
Note : I’m sorry that it took me quite a while to finish this review. School life had been hectic with me ):
P.S. I love you by niXIAH
P.S. I love you by niXIAH
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/niXIAH/
Reviewed by : changminXmc
*** I have nothing against this author or writer.
Title: 4/5
* I didn't think the title had much to relate to the story. But since the story didn't finish yet, I'm not sure whether you have it for the ending or not. But it wasn't catchy either for readers to read the story.
Poster/Background: 6/10
* I think you should've have a poster with Junsu and a girl on there, any random girl, so that it would've been better. And a background made as well. But the poster now, it was cute, but would've been better with the the main character's in there.
Forewords: 2/5
* I think the forward wasn't interesting, maybe for those who wants to read a story where they can put their name in it but, I felt that you should've had a forward where something had happened, or give a little detail and wrote a scene of what happened.
Plot: 9/15
* I don't think I've seen plots like this, but it does seem similar to others, but I think this plot was ok, nothing special or new to me.
Flow: 7/10
* I saw some parts that were confusing and kinda rushy, but then some parts were not rushy, so I guess your flow was ok.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/10
* At some point, there were mistakes spelling and some didn't make sense.
Characterization: 5/10
* I think you could've gave more detail on your character's, to make readers know more about them.
Orginality: 7/10
* I think the creativeness of this story was.....ok I guess. It was new/normal to me. So, I guess it didn't really surprise me cause it was really oringinal like you stated.
Writing style: 3/5
* Your writing style is really different from other's writing. Like for example, you would have "***" for thoughts, writer's or author's usually use's '...' for a person thought.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
* I gave you a 7 out of 10 cause when I reached the part where Yuri was going to do bad things to it, my blood boiled, so yup. I enjoyed it, but not as much as I thought I would. But I think this story is ok, its a good fanfiction. BTW, I loved the Chibi thing for Junsu, that is SO CUTE! lol.
Overall score: 57/100
P.S. I do not give out perfect scores.
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/niXIAH/
Reviewed by : changminXmc
*** I have nothing against this author or writer.
Title: 4/5
* I didn't think the title had much to relate to the story. But since the story didn't finish yet, I'm not sure whether you have it for the ending or not. But it wasn't catchy either for readers to read the story.
Poster/Background: 6/10
* I think you should've have a poster with Junsu and a girl on there, any random girl, so that it would've been better. And a background made as well. But the poster now, it was cute, but would've been better with the the main character's in there.
Forewords: 2/5
* I think the forward wasn't interesting, maybe for those who wants to read a story where they can put their name in it but, I felt that you should've had a forward where something had happened, or give a little detail and wrote a scene of what happened.
Plot: 9/15
* I don't think I've seen plots like this, but it does seem similar to others, but I think this plot was ok, nothing special or new to me.
Flow: 7/10
* I saw some parts that were confusing and kinda rushy, but then some parts were not rushy, so I guess your flow was ok.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 7/10
* At some point, there were mistakes spelling and some didn't make sense.
Characterization: 5/10
* I think you could've gave more detail on your character's, to make readers know more about them.
Orginality: 7/10
* I think the creativeness of this story was.....ok I guess. It was new/normal to me. So, I guess it didn't really surprise me cause it was really oringinal like you stated.
Writing style: 3/5
* Your writing style is really different from other's writing. Like for example, you would have "***" for thoughts, writer's or author's usually use's '...' for a person thought.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
* I gave you a 7 out of 10 cause when I reached the part where Yuri was going to do bad things to it, my blood boiled, so yup. I enjoyed it, but not as much as I thought I would. But I think this story is ok, its a good fanfiction. BTW, I loved the Chibi thing for Junsu, that is SO CUTE! lol.
Overall score: 57/100
P.S. I do not give out perfect scores.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Canvas Castles by Seo.Tai.Mi
Story Title: Canvas Castles
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SeoTaiMi/
Author: Seo.Tai.Mi
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows
Title: 4.5/5
Extremely unique title. That’s all I am going to say :D
Poster/Background: 8 /10
I like your poster. It feels a little tragic? I don’t know… it just feels a little olden because of the color and somehow to me things from the past are usually sad… haha XD but your quote was a little difficult to see because it went in to the male lead’s shirt… and it was really hard to read on orange font…
Forewords: 4.5 /5
As much as I hate to say this, I can’t find any fault with your forwards… but the thing is I feel that you might want to consider adding a rather inspirational quote of something like that? Something that actually provokes deep thought.
Plot: 13/15
I would say that in general it was really good. But then if you open the plot and look at several events, you will actually realize that someone has used it before so it gets a little expected and cliché. But then again, stories have to have a certain amount of cliché-ness right?
However, I am someone who actually takes into account of practicality as in when I read something; I actually try to think if it is actually possible. As in one thing I can’t stand is when too many coincidences happen. I know, I know there is a reason why “drama” is called drama, it’s because there must be a certain degree of drama in it. But then the Moon Mistress is some kind of perfectionist and a very critical person. So do bear with her. =D
Flow: 7.5/10
No major problems but occasionally I felt that you were rushing through. However, the last few chapters were really good as in flow and description wise. Are you getting better or did you just “feel” for those chapters?
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8 /10
F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!!! However, I won’t give you full marks because I want to give you room for improvement. :D For example just add in a few more similes but fantastic descriptions. But a few grammatical errors here and there, but once again the strong description just help cover most of it. =D
Characterization: 9 /10
It’s REALLY, REALLY good. Especially for Abby since she is actually a frictional character. I mean I could kind of picture Abby. As for your other characters, I felt that they were really nicely developed to since I admit that I am not what you would call the ultimate Korean fan. :D
Orginality: 7/10
A few interesting twist and turns but just like what I said in the plot section… good try though =D
Writing style: 4 /5
Can’t find any fault here. But in this area, I am not trying to find problems but I am rather looking for cool ways of writing. So keep experimenting =D
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I was a total pleasure reading your story. No major grammatical problems, good description, cool plot. What more can a reviewer wish for? I got to say had this been my favorite couple. It might just be one of my favorite stories. Keep up the good work! And continue bringing good writing to winglin =D
Overall score: 73.5/100
Sorry dear, the thing about me is that when the writing starts getting real strong, I tend to get REALLY strict. But then the numbers don’t really matter, right? Hope that there were a few useful things you picked up.
Anyways, get well soon!
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SeoTaiMi/
Author: Seo.Tai.Mi
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows
Title: 4.5/5
Extremely unique title. That’s all I am going to say :D
Poster/Background: 8 /10
I like your poster. It feels a little tragic? I don’t know… it just feels a little olden because of the color and somehow to me things from the past are usually sad… haha XD but your quote was a little difficult to see because it went in to the male lead’s shirt… and it was really hard to read on orange font…
Forewords: 4.5 /5
As much as I hate to say this, I can’t find any fault with your forwards… but the thing is I feel that you might want to consider adding a rather inspirational quote of something like that? Something that actually provokes deep thought.
Plot: 13/15
I would say that in general it was really good. But then if you open the plot and look at several events, you will actually realize that someone has used it before so it gets a little expected and cliché. But then again, stories have to have a certain amount of cliché-ness right?
However, I am someone who actually takes into account of practicality as in when I read something; I actually try to think if it is actually possible. As in one thing I can’t stand is when too many coincidences happen. I know, I know there is a reason why “drama” is called drama, it’s because there must be a certain degree of drama in it. But then the Moon Mistress is some kind of perfectionist and a very critical person. So do bear with her. =D
Flow: 7.5/10
No major problems but occasionally I felt that you were rushing through. However, the last few chapters were really good as in flow and description wise. Are you getting better or did you just “feel” for those chapters?
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 8 /10
F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!!! However, I won’t give you full marks because I want to give you room for improvement. :D For example just add in a few more similes but fantastic descriptions. But a few grammatical errors here and there, but once again the strong description just help cover most of it. =D
Characterization: 9 /10
It’s REALLY, REALLY good. Especially for Abby since she is actually a frictional character. I mean I could kind of picture Abby. As for your other characters, I felt that they were really nicely developed to since I admit that I am not what you would call the ultimate Korean fan. :D
Orginality: 7/10
A few interesting twist and turns but just like what I said in the plot section… good try though =D
Writing style: 4 /5
Can’t find any fault here. But in this area, I am not trying to find problems but I am rather looking for cool ways of writing. So keep experimenting =D
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I was a total pleasure reading your story. No major grammatical problems, good description, cool plot. What more can a reviewer wish for? I got to say had this been my favorite couple. It might just be one of my favorite stories. Keep up the good work! And continue bringing good writing to winglin =D
Overall score: 73.5/100
Sorry dear, the thing about me is that when the writing starts getting real strong, I tend to get REALLY strict. But then the numbers don’t really matter, right? Hope that there were a few useful things you picked up.
Anyways, get well soon!
Friday, 1 May 2009
The Mask Clique - AnGeL-DeViL
Name: AnGeL-DeViL
Story Title : The Mask Clique
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dragon/
Reviewer: aZn_sw3in @ lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 4/5
the title quite matched the plot . If i scroll down on winglin and see the title i would actually click at it because it sounds interesting . !
Poster/Background: -/10
You don't have a poster or a background .
Forewords: 4/5
Your forewords are good . I liked that you wrote down a little of the plot there but you could describe the characters more . ^^
Plot: 15/15
I like it . It's really interesting that the girls are magic creatures and have to hide their identity .
But then they fall in Love with their enemies (i think) .
Flow: 9/10
It was a bit rushed here and there but it isn't that dramatic .
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Sometimes you use the wrong tense .
ex :
We get kill
it must be we get killed .
.
One day 5 normal hot boys comes to their school but don’t really look normal.
Correction :
One day 5 normal hot boys come to their school but don't really look normal .
There is no 'S' because hot boys are plural and you only add 's' when it is he/she/it (third person).
And some times the verb conjugation is wrong .
ex :
???: Guys wanna know what? okay never mind that question THERE'S 5 new boys at our school! and guess what?! they're HOT!!!
Correction :
Guys wanna know what ? Okay don't mind (is a bit better) that question THERE ARE five new boys at our school ! and guess what ?1 they're HOT !!!
And sometimes you have vocabulary mistakes :
Ri-Ahn: This is American and we speak English not Korean
It's supposed to be
This is America and we speak English not Korean ..
That are just some examples .
Your English is okay i think people will understand what you mean .
Characterization: 8/10
I can see the personality quite good of some girls . You could describe their feelings and actions more .
Originality: 9/10
I saw some similar plot before but this is a bit different from the others . Good job !
Writing style: 4/5
It's quite neat but sometimes it's confusing . Sometimes i don't know who is thinking at the moment .
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I quite enjoyed the chapters that were there . I'm a DBSK fan so i enjoyed it .
Overall score: 68/100
Warning : I have nothing against the author . I have to say this . I just a strict and honest reviewer
Story Title : The Mask Clique
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dragon/
Reviewer: aZn_sw3in @ lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 4/5
the title quite matched the plot . If i scroll down on winglin and see the title i would actually click at it because it sounds interesting . !
Poster/Background: -/10
You don't have a poster or a background .
Forewords: 4/5
Your forewords are good . I liked that you wrote down a little of the plot there but you could describe the characters more . ^^
Plot: 15/15
I like it . It's really interesting that the girls are magic creatures and have to hide their identity .
But then they fall in Love with their enemies (i think) .
Flow: 9/10
It was a bit rushed here and there but it isn't that dramatic .
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Sometimes you use the wrong tense .
ex :
We get kill
it must be we get killed .
.
One day 5 normal hot boys comes to their school but don’t really look normal.
Correction :
One day 5 normal hot boys come to their school but don't really look normal .
There is no 'S' because hot boys are plural and you only add 's' when it is he/she/it (third person).
And some times the verb conjugation is wrong .
ex :
???: Guys wanna know what? okay never mind that question THERE'S 5 new boys at our school! and guess what?! they're HOT!!!
Correction :
Guys wanna know what ? Okay don't mind (is a bit better) that question THERE ARE five new boys at our school ! and guess what ?1 they're HOT !!!
And sometimes you have vocabulary mistakes :
Ri-Ahn: This is American and we speak English not Korean
It's supposed to be
This is America and we speak English not Korean ..
That are just some examples .
Your English is okay i think people will understand what you mean .
Characterization: 8/10
I can see the personality quite good of some girls . You could describe their feelings and actions more .
Originality: 9/10
I saw some similar plot before but this is a bit different from the others . Good job !
Writing style: 4/5
It's quite neat but sometimes it's confusing . Sometimes i don't know who is thinking at the moment .
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I quite enjoyed the chapters that were there . I'm a DBSK fan so i enjoyed it .
Overall score: 68/100
Warning : I have nothing against the author . I have to say this . I just a strict and honest reviewer
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