Title: DBSK V. SHINee
Author: kim4ever
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kim4ever
Reviewer: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
*Remember, I am not criticizing you because I hold a personal vendetta against you. I only wish to help and make your stories better.*
Title: 3/5
I really like what you were trying to portray (DBSK and SHINee fighting for the girl) but to me, the title is better fitting for something involving battle of the bands. But, it fits the story, so that’s good.
Poster/Background: 9/10
I really like the poster. Seung Shak designed one for me, as well, so I won’t say I’m completely biased, but…LOL.
Forewords: 4/5
Nothing wrong in particular, other than you don’t give much of a preview.
Plot: 13/15
The story is ongoing, so I won’t dock you too many points, but this is something I’ve read before: a girl being fought over by celebrities. Who wouldn’t want that, though? ^^ Right now, I do not know where exactly you’re going with the story, but again it’s in progress, so whatever.
Flow: 8/10
Your flow is neither too fast nor too slow, but the first kiss thing? Very random and happened way too fast.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/15
You said in the forewords that English is not your first language, and I respect that. =] However, you can always use a word processor online to help you out with spelling, grammar, punctuation, and you can always use the online thesaurus to help fine-tune your vocabulary. It’s a work in progress; at least I can understand you ^^
Characterization: 7/10
You really didn’t give much introduction to the characters other than the forewords. In my opinion, you just kind of threw them into the story whenever you felt like it. Just a quick description of the characters while the plot is in motion won’t hurt anybody. Also, don’t try to give the self-insert a background! Let the reader give themselves a background, so it can feel more like themselves in the story rather than another fictional character.
Originality: 8/10
As I’ve said above, I have read a few fanfics similar to yours.
Writing style: 6/10
You overuse the caps lock button and the way you set up your paragraphs in a very weird way, making it difficult to read or to really emphasize the words/sentences you want emphasized. Instead of making all the letters LOOK LIKE THIS, just add that they were yelling at the tops of their lungs or something along those lines.
My suggestion? Only use caps lock when you absolutely need to, and put some space between your lines. It might look weird to you, but it doesn’t put stress on your readers’ eyes.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
This story was interesting, to say the least. It does resemble others I’ve read, but I haven’t read one involving not one, but two groups. Good luck with it, and with your other story!
Overall Score: 77/100
Saturday, 29 August 2009
Monday, 24 August 2009
River Flows in You - Yunni
Story Title: River Flows in You
Story Author: Yunni
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_riverflow/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 5/5
AHH LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH! and taeminie playing it... <33 BUT THEN JAEBEOM PLAYED IT TOOOOOO! <3333 anyways, I've loved this song forever, and when I saw the title my face lit up XD
Poster/Background: 10/10
so pretty ^^ Love the fonts, and the color scheme is amazing ^^ the pics are really nice too, especially of Taemin playing the piano XD
Forewords: 5/5
I loved the teaser ^^ It definately would have had me coming back for more if you didn't have the actual story up yet ^^ You also stated characters, which I though was excellent.
Plot: 15/15
Eunnie -.- you're one of the only winglin writers that can make me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES. Well... not cry... but like tear up you know? nothing ever actually FALLS. but this line "It was from an angel's wings." SO BEAUTIFUL! ahh it was so short but so good.
Flow: 7/10
I was a little confused after the bullet wound... because had she already died and was just visiting him as an angel? and that's why he didn't stop playing or say "i love you too" ne? WELL, i was still a little confused by it at first T.T and eunnie! TAEMIN HAS ANTIS!? how could you hate Taemin? T.T
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
NO GRAMMAR MISTAKES! YUNNI YOU GET TO BE IN MY HALL OF FAME!!!! *squeels* so happy! great job ;D
Characterization: 6/10
Of course I loved the characters, but you didn't really put much description about them into this WAY too short of a story :P I also would have liked to see more building into the personalities, but I understand that that is hard to do in a one shot.
Orginality: 8/10
Ok, now I'm starting to see TONS of stories where the characters die for each other, or don't bget together in the end or something, but the angel thing was really unique and I loved that. Also, the piano piece and how you intertwined that into the story, even into a quote. That was original.
Writing style: 8/10
Yunni you know I love your writing style... especially because you're able to draw me into the story in such a short amount of time, but eunnie... there needs to be just a little more detail in the story. I know it's hard with a one shot, but but but but but descriptions... you need them ><
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Love love love it! XDD There isn't really much I can say on top of that. Lost for words I guess. Seriously love the angel thing, the last line was amazing, just the whole story was amazing. The little flashbacks in time, them meeting, their secret relationship and him not being able to yell at her... so cute and so good.
Overall score: 89/100
R/N Yunni I was getting worried that you were going to get perfect scores >< I'm not allowed to give out perfect scores! XD I'm supposed to be a tough reviewer! >< But you still get a place in my hall of fame for perfect grammar. congratz!
Story Author: Yunni
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/_riverflow/
Reviewer: Darkess
*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*
Title: 5/5
AHH LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH! and taeminie playing it... <33 BUT THEN JAEBEOM PLAYED IT TOOOOOO! <3333 anyways, I've loved this song forever, and when I saw the title my face lit up XD
Poster/Background: 10/10
so pretty ^^ Love the fonts, and the color scheme is amazing ^^ the pics are really nice too, especially of Taemin playing the piano XD
Forewords: 5/5
I loved the teaser ^^ It definately would have had me coming back for more if you didn't have the actual story up yet ^^ You also stated characters, which I though was excellent.
Plot: 15/15
Eunnie -.- you're one of the only winglin writers that can make me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES. Well... not cry... but like tear up you know? nothing ever actually FALLS. but this line "It was from an angel's wings." SO BEAUTIFUL! ahh it was so short but so good.
Flow: 7/10
I was a little confused after the bullet wound... because had she already died and was just visiting him as an angel? and that's why he didn't stop playing or say "i love you too" ne? WELL, i was still a little confused by it at first T.T and eunnie! TAEMIN HAS ANTIS!? how could you hate Taemin? T.T
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
NO GRAMMAR MISTAKES! YUNNI YOU GET TO BE IN MY HALL OF FAME!!!! *squeels* so happy! great job ;D
Characterization: 6/10
Of course I loved the characters, but you didn't really put much description about them into this WAY too short of a story :P I also would have liked to see more building into the personalities, but I understand that that is hard to do in a one shot.
Orginality: 8/10
Ok, now I'm starting to see TONS of stories where the characters die for each other, or don't bget together in the end or something, but the angel thing was really unique and I loved that. Also, the piano piece and how you intertwined that into the story, even into a quote. That was original.
Writing style: 8/10
Yunni you know I love your writing style... especially because you're able to draw me into the story in such a short amount of time, but eunnie... there needs to be just a little more detail in the story. I know it's hard with a one shot, but but but but but descriptions... you need them ><
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Love love love it! XDD There isn't really much I can say on top of that. Lost for words I guess. Seriously love the angel thing, the last line was amazing, just the whole story was amazing. The little flashbacks in time, them meeting, their secret relationship and him not being able to yell at her... so cute and so good.
Overall score: 89/100
R/N Yunni I was getting worried that you were going to get perfect scores >< I'm not allowed to give out perfect scores! XD I'm supposed to be a tough reviewer! >< But you still get a place in my hall of fame for perfect grammar. congratz!
Saturday, 22 August 2009
Hello Again by Minnie
Name: Minnie
Story Title : Hello Again
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MinnieO1/
Reviewer: changminXmc
Title: 3/5
* The title wasn't quite fit for the story. It had a way to connect along but, I felt as if there was a better one. Something more...attracting to attract readers/
Poster/Background: 6/10
* The poster wasn't really professional made but it did give off a angst feeling. Though I have to give off for no background. It would've been better.
Forewords: 3/5
* You kept using She or He. Maybe, you could've used different words instead of repeating it over. But the forward was good, just, it was really catchy. Nothing much to attract readers.
Plot: 12/15
* The plot seem really orginal. Nothing new or special for me.
Flow: 6/10
* Your flow was not that good. I felt as if you rushed through the whole chapter. It was as if you were just explaining the plot instead of writing it.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
* I didn't see any spelling errors while I was reviewing this. Godo job. ^^
Characterization: 10/10
* The way you put your characters at the beginning is good. You state who were the cast to let the readers know who it was going to be about.
Orginality: 7/10
* Like I said, the plot wasn't anything too special or new to me. I've seen plots like this before.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is really nice and neat. Let us readers able to read it without any messiness.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
* I would've given a lower point but I'll cut you some slack since sad stories are my favorite. But I did not enjoy reviewing it. If I was a reader and came accros this story, I would've stopped already. Not that its bad but nothing caught my eyes to continue on.
Overall score: 79/100
Story Title : Hello Again
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/MinnieO1/
Reviewer: changminXmc
Title: 3/5
* The title wasn't quite fit for the story. It had a way to connect along but, I felt as if there was a better one. Something more...attracting to attract readers/
Poster/Background: 6/10
* The poster wasn't really professional made but it did give off a angst feeling. Though I have to give off for no background. It would've been better.
Forewords: 3/5
* You kept using She or He. Maybe, you could've used different words instead of repeating it over. But the forward was good, just, it was really catchy. Nothing much to attract readers.
Plot: 12/15
* The plot seem really orginal. Nothing new or special for me.
Flow: 6/10
* Your flow was not that good. I felt as if you rushed through the whole chapter. It was as if you were just explaining the plot instead of writing it.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
* I didn't see any spelling errors while I was reviewing this. Godo job. ^^
Characterization: 10/10
* The way you put your characters at the beginning is good. You state who were the cast to let the readers know who it was going to be about.
Orginality: 7/10
* Like I said, the plot wasn't anything too special or new to me. I've seen plots like this before.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is really nice and neat. Let us readers able to read it without any messiness.
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
* I would've given a lower point but I'll cut you some slack since sad stories are my favorite. But I did not enjoy reviewing it. If I was a reader and came accros this story, I would've stopped already. Not that its bad but nothing caught my eyes to continue on.
Overall score: 79/100
Thursday, 20 August 2009
To be selfish - Asian_Innocence
Title: To Be Selfish
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/wtsc/chapter_2.shtml
Reviewer: changminXmc @ Lost Shadows
Title: 4/5
* I wasn't sure whether to give you a 5 out of 5 cause I felt as if the title for that oneshot could've been different. But then again, it related to the oneshot in some way. But like I said, I couldn't get you a 5 cause I felt there was a better title for the oneshot. The story was brutal, cruel, and yes selfish, how Yunho was. So the title was a good choice, just, I felt like there's a better one.
Poster/Background: 10/10
* I'll give you a 10 out of 10 for this one cause the poster and background was utterly beautiful. It was very nice and well made. Though it wasn't the pairing that the oneshot was talking about, I'm ok with it.
Forewords: 3/5
* Sorry, but, I had to take some points off the forward. Although it did state that it would be various of pairings, I just couldn't give you the points. A quick forward before writing the plot would've been ok as well. So that way, we'll know what its about or part of the story.
Plot: 11/15
* Nothing too new or special in this oneshot. It was just mainly about obsession and hurting others. Which is pretty normal.
Flow: 7/10
* I felt as if you wrote too little on the details. As if you rushed through this oneshot. Which was very short but I understand. There should've been more writing on how Yunho treated Jaejoong brutally and cruel. I think there should've been more details to top it all off.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
* I didn't see any spelling errors throughout the oneshot. So to top it all off. PERFECT! XD
Characterization: 10/10
* The cast was very good as well, you told who was the casting of the story, letting us know who it was about. ^^
Orginality: 8/10
* This plot is....I don't know. It was new yet not so amazing. It didn't quite catch me. But, I guess it was new too. Would've been better if you written more.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is very easy to read, not bunched up or messy. Very neat and nice.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
* I enjoyed it but, I cut off one point cause it would too short. Sorry, it would've been better if you written a longer one. Since I am a YunJae fan as well. I was expecting more but I didn't since you already told me that it was gonna be a short oneshot when you requested. And a extra comment, "YAH! JUNG YUNHO! HOW CAN YOU HURT JAEJOONG LIKE THAT?! YOU @ASDF!*" Ok, sorry for that, just a comment for the oneshot and story.
Overall score: 87/100
* I consider that a pretty good score. ^^
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/wtsc/chapter_2.shtml
Reviewer: changminXmc @ Lost Shadows
Title: 4/5
* I wasn't sure whether to give you a 5 out of 5 cause I felt as if the title for that oneshot could've been different. But then again, it related to the oneshot in some way. But like I said, I couldn't get you a 5 cause I felt there was a better title for the oneshot. The story was brutal, cruel, and yes selfish, how Yunho was. So the title was a good choice, just, I felt like there's a better one.
Poster/Background: 10/10
* I'll give you a 10 out of 10 for this one cause the poster and background was utterly beautiful. It was very nice and well made. Though it wasn't the pairing that the oneshot was talking about, I'm ok with it.
Forewords: 3/5
* Sorry, but, I had to take some points off the forward. Although it did state that it would be various of pairings, I just couldn't give you the points. A quick forward before writing the plot would've been ok as well. So that way, we'll know what its about or part of the story.
Plot: 11/15
* Nothing too new or special in this oneshot. It was just mainly about obsession and hurting others. Which is pretty normal.
Flow: 7/10
* I felt as if you wrote too little on the details. As if you rushed through this oneshot. Which was very short but I understand. There should've been more writing on how Yunho treated Jaejoong brutally and cruel. I think there should've been more details to top it all off.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
* I didn't see any spelling errors throughout the oneshot. So to top it all off. PERFECT! XD
Characterization: 10/10
* The cast was very good as well, you told who was the casting of the story, letting us know who it was about. ^^
Orginality: 8/10
* This plot is....I don't know. It was new yet not so amazing. It didn't quite catch me. But, I guess it was new too. Would've been better if you written more.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is very easy to read, not bunched up or messy. Very neat and nice.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
* I enjoyed it but, I cut off one point cause it would too short. Sorry, it would've been better if you written a longer one. Since I am a YunJae fan as well. I was expecting more but I didn't since you already told me that it was gonna be a short oneshot when you requested. And a extra comment, "YAH! JUNG YUNHO! HOW CAN YOU HURT JAEJOONG LIKE THAT?! YOU @ASDF!*" Ok, sorry for that, just a comment for the oneshot and story.
Overall score: 87/100
* I consider that a pretty good score. ^^
6 Words That Hurt - Asian_Innocence
Title: 6 Words That Hurt [JongHoon - FT Island]
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/wtsc/chapter_3.shtml
Reviewer: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
Nice job on the title! When someone says the sky is crying, it usually sets up for a sad story, but it could also have the literal meaning of rain, which you included in the story (not sure if you meant to, but oh well, you did!) and for that I applaud you.
Poster/Background: 8/10
On one hand, your poster is absolutely amazing, and the background is dark, so it’s easer on the eyes. But you didn’t include JongHoon on the poster! However, it is possible that you requested the poster without realizing that you would have a story with a member of FT Island, so I won’t dock you COMPLETELY. The color scheme you did was AWESOME. I love that particular shade of blue you got going on in the poster.
Forewords: 5/5
You did something that not many authors do, though I wish they did it: you included a legend of some Korean words you commonly use, and those can always affect someone who has no preexisting knowledge of the language. *high fives you*
Plot: 15/15
SO TRAGIC. I LOVE IT! Everyone likes writing happy endings because sometimes they can’t bear to kill off their characters, but you aren’t. Plus, the whole falling-out-of-love situation was a nice touch. Usually, authors have some blackmail reason behind a couple breaking up, but this was true “I seriously don’t love you anymore.” *claps*
Flow: 9/10
Your flow was good. Excellent job.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
Your spelling was excellent, except there were a few common typing errors. It’s okay, though. No one’s perfect.
Characterization: 9/10
I wish there had been some backstory between your main character and JongHoon! But wishes can’t be fishes, right? Other than that, nothing was wrong with the way you developed them. JongHoon was the “perfect boyfriend” who met the wrong fate. MiRoo was the girlfriend who fell out of love with her boyfriend.
Originality: 10/10
You don’t see too many stories based off chain letters. ^^ YAY! I loved that little sidenote. It’s almost like you’re saying, “Hey, I didn’t just pull this out of thin air, but I also didn’t read the romance stories that come a dime a dozen.” Good job!
Writing style: 10/10
*squeals* You pulled away from common third-person POV and used the present tense. You know, instead of “I sat down on my desk” it was “I sit down on my desk.” I don’t know why that catches my eye, but it did. I really, really liked it!
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
From your review, I hope you can tell that I loved, loved, LOVED this story. I even took the time to read your other oneshots (which were all well-written, I might add). DBSK is most definitely my fave kpop group, and when I read your other stories, I really wanted to cry at some. ^^ You did a superb job, and I’ll be looking out for more stories from you in the future!
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/wtsc/chapter_3.shtml
Reviewer: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
Nice job on the title! When someone says the sky is crying, it usually sets up for a sad story, but it could also have the literal meaning of rain, which you included in the story (not sure if you meant to, but oh well, you did!) and for that I applaud you.
Poster/Background: 8/10
On one hand, your poster is absolutely amazing, and the background is dark, so it’s easer on the eyes. But you didn’t include JongHoon on the poster! However, it is possible that you requested the poster without realizing that you would have a story with a member of FT Island, so I won’t dock you COMPLETELY. The color scheme you did was AWESOME. I love that particular shade of blue you got going on in the poster.
Forewords: 5/5
You did something that not many authors do, though I wish they did it: you included a legend of some Korean words you commonly use, and those can always affect someone who has no preexisting knowledge of the language. *high fives you*
Plot: 15/15
SO TRAGIC. I LOVE IT! Everyone likes writing happy endings because sometimes they can’t bear to kill off their characters, but you aren’t. Plus, the whole falling-out-of-love situation was a nice touch. Usually, authors have some blackmail reason behind a couple breaking up, but this was true “I seriously don’t love you anymore.” *claps*
Flow: 9/10
Your flow was good. Excellent job.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15
Your spelling was excellent, except there were a few common typing errors. It’s okay, though. No one’s perfect.
Characterization: 9/10
I wish there had been some backstory between your main character and JongHoon! But wishes can’t be fishes, right? Other than that, nothing was wrong with the way you developed them. JongHoon was the “perfect boyfriend” who met the wrong fate. MiRoo was the girlfriend who fell out of love with her boyfriend.
Originality: 10/10
You don’t see too many stories based off chain letters. ^^ YAY! I loved that little sidenote. It’s almost like you’re saying, “Hey, I didn’t just pull this out of thin air, but I also didn’t read the romance stories that come a dime a dozen.” Good job!
Writing style: 10/10
*squeals* You pulled away from common third-person POV and used the present tense. You know, instead of “I sat down on my desk” it was “I sit down on my desk.” I don’t know why that catches my eye, but it did. I really, really liked it!
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
From your review, I hope you can tell that I loved, loved, LOVED this story. I even took the time to read your other oneshots (which were all well-written, I might add). DBSK is most definitely my fave kpop group, and when I read your other stories, I really wanted to cry at some. ^^ You did a superb job, and I’ll be looking out for more stories from you in the future!
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Foolish Lover- Beyla
Story Title: Foolish Lover
Author: Beyla
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/beyla_21ss/
Reviewed by: changminXmc@ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
* The title was perfect. Had a good meaning for the two who were both blinded by love yet were both foolish. ^^
Poster/Background: 7/10
* I'll have to cut some points off, it would've been better with a bg with your BEAUTIFUL poster. I just love the poster but, I think a bg would've been nice too.
Forewords: 3/5
* Well, the forward wasn't too catchy. Not interesting enough to attract readers. But it was ok.
Plot: 12/15
* The plot is very common for me. I've seen these plots alot out there, so it wasn't any new much.
Flow: 7/10
* The flow wasn't too bad. But I felt that you could've gave alittle bit more for the details. But you stated that there would be only 4 chapters, so I guess its ok.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
* I didn't see any spelling errors, so good for that! ^^
Characterization: 9/10
* The characterization was really normal and nice. It stated who was the cast and such, cause you don't need much information on characters since you'll explain them later in the story.
Orginality: 6/10
* There wasn't really anything new with this story and plot, since I thought it was a simple story.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is perfect, normal and good. Uh, let's say its perefect haha.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
* I guess I enjoyed it, not too much though since I could tell the outcome of this story. It was pretty predictable for the ending, and throughout the story. But I enjoyed it alittled bit.
Overall score: 83100
* That's not a bad score there. ^^
Author: Beyla
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/beyla_21ss/
Reviewed by: changminXmc@ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
* The title was perfect. Had a good meaning for the two who were both blinded by love yet were both foolish. ^^
Poster/Background: 7/10
* I'll have to cut some points off, it would've been better with a bg with your BEAUTIFUL poster. I just love the poster but, I think a bg would've been nice too.
Forewords: 3/5
* Well, the forward wasn't too catchy. Not interesting enough to attract readers. But it was ok.
Plot: 12/15
* The plot is very common for me. I've seen these plots alot out there, so it wasn't any new much.
Flow: 7/10
* The flow wasn't too bad. But I felt that you could've gave alittle bit more for the details. But you stated that there would be only 4 chapters, so I guess its ok.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15
* I didn't see any spelling errors, so good for that! ^^
Characterization: 9/10
* The characterization was really normal and nice. It stated who was the cast and such, cause you don't need much information on characters since you'll explain them later in the story.
Orginality: 6/10
* There wasn't really anything new with this story and plot, since I thought it was a simple story.
Writing style: 10/10
* Your writing style is perfect, normal and good. Uh, let's say its perefect haha.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
* I guess I enjoyed it, not too much though since I could tell the outcome of this story. It was pretty predictable for the ending, and throughout the story. But I enjoyed it alittled bit.
Overall score: 83100
* That's not a bad score there. ^^
My So called Love!? I think - Sin Yan
Story Title: My So called Love!? I think
Author: Sin Yan
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/aysy
Reviewed by: changminXmc @ Lost Shadows
* Take further notice, I do not know this author, and do not mean to offend or bash her/him. This is only base on what I think and as a reviewer. This is only for her/him to improve on her writing skills.
Title: 3/5
* I did not like the title. It didn't quite fit the story in my opinion. But I think it was cute.
Poster/Background: 7/10
* I guess the poster was good. But I think the mood or color should've been something more darker. Some angst feeling in it.
Forewords: 4/5
* For me, I didn't think you need to tell the characters whole information. Cause they would've found out about it later on in the chapter of the story. But its fine even if you did list the informations. But the forward of the story was kind of short. Though it did not give off any conclusion for the ending.
Plot: 12/15
* I don't know, I really don't think there's anything special about this plot. Its very common, and I do see lots of these stories around lately.
Flow: 8/10
* I did feel as if you were rushing through the story, at some parts and such. You could've slow down or given it a smooth pace and give me details.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15
* You had several spelling errors throughout the stories, which made me angry. As I read, some of the sentence did not make sense.
For example:
Da Ya: hey gui Gui? do you to go somewhere after school.
It should've been:
Da Ya: Hey Gui Gui, do you want to go somewhere after school?
Characterization: 10/10
* It was perfect!
Orginality: 6/10
* Nothing special about the plot. It's very common to me.
Writing style: 6/10
* I seriously did not like how you write your story. The writing style is really different. Most writers would write this:
At Xiao Yu's seat
Gui Gui: Ge!
Xiao Yu: yes miss bossy
Gui gui: hey don't call me that name. fine if you call me that name than I'll call you...ummmm.... I know. YOU PIG
Xiao Yu: but anyways what do you want?
Gui Gui: im going shopping with Da Ya and Xiao Xun. ok?
Xiao Yu: yea yea whatever i don't care. ok
gui gui: thanks ge!
Like this:
At Xiao Yu's seat. "Ge!" Gui Gui asked. "Yes Miss bossy?" Xiao Yu asked. "Hey, don't call me that name! Fine, if you cann me that name than I'll call you...ummm...I know, YOU PIG!" Gui Gui said. "But anyways, what do you want?" Xiao Yu asked. "I'm going shopping with Da Ya and Xiao Xun ok?" Gui Gui asked her brother. "Yeah yeah, whatever. I don't care, ok." Xiao Yu said. "Thanks Ge!" Gui Gui thanked.
Overall enjoyment: 4/10
* I'm very sorry but I did not like this story. Out of all the taiwanese stories I've reviewed, this is the one that I did not enjoy while reviewing. It was rather boring, normal, and not interesting. Don't take this the wrong way, I just did not like it cause I am not a taiwanese fan that much. I did not mean to offend you but it was also rather weird how they were speaking Japanese, that was random. And also, how Jaejoong ended up in this fic. Though do try you're best next time! Good luck!
Overall score: 71/100
P.S.
That's a pretty good score. ^^ Didn't mean to offend you, if I did, I'm sorry. *bows*
Author: Sin Yan
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/aysy
Reviewed by: changminXmc @ Lost Shadows
* Take further notice, I do not know this author, and do not mean to offend or bash her/him. This is only base on what I think and as a reviewer. This is only for her/him to improve on her writing skills.
Title: 3/5
* I did not like the title. It didn't quite fit the story in my opinion. But I think it was cute.
Poster/Background: 7/10
* I guess the poster was good. But I think the mood or color should've been something more darker. Some angst feeling in it.
Forewords: 4/5
* For me, I didn't think you need to tell the characters whole information. Cause they would've found out about it later on in the chapter of the story. But its fine even if you did list the informations. But the forward of the story was kind of short. Though it did not give off any conclusion for the ending.
Plot: 12/15
* I don't know, I really don't think there's anything special about this plot. Its very common, and I do see lots of these stories around lately.
Flow: 8/10
* I did feel as if you were rushing through the story, at some parts and such. You could've slow down or given it a smooth pace and give me details.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15
* You had several spelling errors throughout the stories, which made me angry. As I read, some of the sentence did not make sense.
For example:
Da Ya: hey gui Gui? do you to go somewhere after school.
It should've been:
Da Ya: Hey Gui Gui, do you want to go somewhere after school?
Characterization: 10/10
* It was perfect!
Orginality: 6/10
* Nothing special about the plot. It's very common to me.
Writing style: 6/10
* I seriously did not like how you write your story. The writing style is really different. Most writers would write this:
At Xiao Yu's seat
Gui Gui: Ge!
Xiao Yu: yes miss bossy
Gui gui: hey don't call me that name. fine if you call me that name than I'll call you...ummmm.... I know. YOU PIG
Xiao Yu: but anyways what do you want?
Gui Gui: im going shopping with Da Ya and Xiao Xun. ok?
Xiao Yu: yea yea whatever i don't care. ok
gui gui: thanks ge!
Like this:
At Xiao Yu's seat. "Ge!" Gui Gui asked. "Yes Miss bossy?" Xiao Yu asked. "Hey, don't call me that name! Fine, if you cann me that name than I'll call you...ummm...I know, YOU PIG!" Gui Gui said. "But anyways, what do you want?" Xiao Yu asked. "I'm going shopping with Da Ya and Xiao Xun ok?" Gui Gui asked her brother. "Yeah yeah, whatever. I don't care, ok." Xiao Yu said. "Thanks Ge!" Gui Gui thanked.
Overall enjoyment: 4/10
* I'm very sorry but I did not like this story. Out of all the taiwanese stories I've reviewed, this is the one that I did not enjoy while reviewing. It was rather boring, normal, and not interesting. Don't take this the wrong way, I just did not like it cause I am not a taiwanese fan that much. I did not mean to offend you but it was also rather weird how they were speaking Japanese, that was random. And also, how Jaejoong ended up in this fic. Though do try you're best next time! Good luck!
Overall score: 71/100
P.S.
That's a pretty good score. ^^ Didn't mean to offend you, if I did, I'm sorry. *bows*
Saved By An Angel - rgpponci
Story Title: Saved By An Angel
Author: rgpponci
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/rgpponci02/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
The title is so perfect for the story! It’s simple yet unique. I loved it!
Poster/Background: 10/10
Again, you get a perfect score because the poster is awesome and it matches the storyline. Also, the background is light, making it easier on the eyes when reading a fic. Good job!
Forewords: 4/5
Originally, you would get a four out of five, but you used a quote from one of my favorite books that goes well with your forewords! You also posted the trailers and other posters for your story, as well as advertising. To me, it’s best to put things like that in the forewords and not interrupt the flow of the story with an author’s note.
Plot: 14/15
You don’t see many stories out there like this one.
Flow: 10/10
The flow is perfect, neither too fast or slow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You have an amazing and extended vocabulary. There are some punctuation errors (watch your quotations marks!) and you made some small, common grammatical errors, but other than that, no mistakes made things difficult for me to read.
One small note: I like your use of Japanese sayings and phrases, and the fact that you included a legend at the bottom to help readers. Two thumbs way, way up!
Characterization: 8/10
Perhaps you could have put in more of a background story for your characters, but everything was fine without it.
Originality: 10/10
Can you say “stupidly original?” Go on, say it. Say it loud and proud.
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style was absolutely fine, although your use of single quotations for dialogue confused me a little. I’m not used to that! ^^
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I’ll admit, there were some parts where I was like, “Um, how old are these characters again?” but other than that, a wonderful story indeed. You had me hooked with the Peter Pan quote and you make me want more. I give you my promise that I will look out for anymore of your stories!
Overall score: 92/100
Good luck on any of your future fics, dearie! Bai
Author: rgpponci
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/rgpponci02/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows
Title: 5/5
The title is so perfect for the story! It’s simple yet unique. I loved it!
Poster/Background: 10/10
Again, you get a perfect score because the poster is awesome and it matches the storyline. Also, the background is light, making it easier on the eyes when reading a fic. Good job!
Forewords: 4/5
Originally, you would get a four out of five, but you used a quote from one of my favorite books that goes well with your forewords! You also posted the trailers and other posters for your story, as well as advertising. To me, it’s best to put things like that in the forewords and not interrupt the flow of the story with an author’s note.
Plot: 14/15
You don’t see many stories out there like this one.
Flow: 10/10
The flow is perfect, neither too fast or slow.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You have an amazing and extended vocabulary. There are some punctuation errors (watch your quotations marks!) and you made some small, common grammatical errors, but other than that, no mistakes made things difficult for me to read.
One small note: I like your use of Japanese sayings and phrases, and the fact that you included a legend at the bottom to help readers. Two thumbs way, way up!
Characterization: 8/10
Perhaps you could have put in more of a background story for your characters, but everything was fine without it.
Originality: 10/10
Can you say “stupidly original?” Go on, say it. Say it loud and proud.
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style was absolutely fine, although your use of single quotations for dialogue confused me a little. I’m not used to that! ^^
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I’ll admit, there were some parts where I was like, “Um, how old are these characters again?” but other than that, a wonderful story indeed. You had me hooked with the Peter Pan quote and you make me want more. I give you my promise that I will look out for anymore of your stories!
Overall score: 92/100
Good luck on any of your future fics, dearie! Bai
Friday, 14 August 2009
Love Equilibrium - Naire Perplexity
Story Title: Love Equilibrium
Author: Naire Perplexity
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/9naire10_4
Reviewed by: hanichan32319
*If I sound harsh, I am terribly sorry. I am a very critical reviewer and I only want you, the writer, to understand the good, the bad, and the ugly.*
Title: 4/5
The title is eye-catching. Not many authors use such words. Plus, in a way, you pulled a sort of literary trick, because love stories are usually chaotic, yet you balanced it (no pun intended) with that word. It shows you have an extensive vocabulary. Nice!
Poster/Background: 8/10
I like the way the poster is laid out, but grey is so…dull and boring. Maybe a very light pink or white even would have been true with the story. Other than the color scheme, the words are easy to read.
Forewords: 2/5
You practically summarized the plot here! I don’t mean to sound harsh, but when you write the forewords, you want to give little hints as to what your story is about.
Also, you could have included a cast of characters. Never assume the readers already know who your characters are. Introduce them a little bit.
Plot: 13/15
You did a wonderful job with detail and such, but there was room for more dialogue between the characters. You have creativity, and I don’t want that to go to waste!
Flow: 9/10
The flow was pretty good. Some parts went too slow for my taste, whereas others had me going, “Wait, what? Backtrack!”
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You made a few mistakes, but it didn’t hinder my reading. Just watch your tenses and spelling. The words you chose to describe things gets you points. Like I said before, you have a big vocabulary that consists of more than the basics. Excellent, my friend. Excellent. =]
Characterization: 8/10
As I said above, you should have described the characters more. New readers who have no idea who ChunElla is may be very confused until you describe them. And any fictional characters you may introduce in your story need clarification, as well. Their personalities were one-of-a-kind, but a better background story would have helped.
Originality: 7/10
Although it included some original parts, I have read quite a few stories about best friends falling in love. Your story was very common. But it was still very creative all the same.
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style was perfect, though it could use a little humor here and there. ^^
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
This was a well-written story, but there were some parts that had me drumming my fingers on the desk with impatience. A lot of your plot was easily predictable, and I could guess on where half the story was headed. But, you still did a good job, and it was my first time reading about Taiwanese stars. I started out thinking, “Who the heck are these people?” but now I kind of have a sense.
Total: 80/100
(Sorry for the extremely late review! I went on hiatus!!! SORRY!)
Author: Naire Perplexity
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/9naire10_4
Reviewed by: hanichan32319
*If I sound harsh, I am terribly sorry. I am a very critical reviewer and I only want you, the writer, to understand the good, the bad, and the ugly.*
Title: 4/5
The title is eye-catching. Not many authors use such words. Plus, in a way, you pulled a sort of literary trick, because love stories are usually chaotic, yet you balanced it (no pun intended) with that word. It shows you have an extensive vocabulary. Nice!
Poster/Background: 8/10
I like the way the poster is laid out, but grey is so…dull and boring. Maybe a very light pink or white even would have been true with the story. Other than the color scheme, the words are easy to read.
Forewords: 2/5
You practically summarized the plot here! I don’t mean to sound harsh, but when you write the forewords, you want to give little hints as to what your story is about.
Also, you could have included a cast of characters. Never assume the readers already know who your characters are. Introduce them a little bit.
Plot: 13/15
You did a wonderful job with detail and such, but there was room for more dialogue between the characters. You have creativity, and I don’t want that to go to waste!
Flow: 9/10
The flow was pretty good. Some parts went too slow for my taste, whereas others had me going, “Wait, what? Backtrack!”
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You made a few mistakes, but it didn’t hinder my reading. Just watch your tenses and spelling. The words you chose to describe things gets you points. Like I said before, you have a big vocabulary that consists of more than the basics. Excellent, my friend. Excellent. =]
Characterization: 8/10
As I said above, you should have described the characters more. New readers who have no idea who ChunElla is may be very confused until you describe them. And any fictional characters you may introduce in your story need clarification, as well. Their personalities were one-of-a-kind, but a better background story would have helped.
Originality: 7/10
Although it included some original parts, I have read quite a few stories about best friends falling in love. Your story was very common. But it was still very creative all the same.
Writing style: 9/10
Your writing style was perfect, though it could use a little humor here and there. ^^
Overall enjoyment: 7/10
This was a well-written story, but there were some parts that had me drumming my fingers on the desk with impatience. A lot of your plot was easily predictable, and I could guess on where half the story was headed. But, you still did a good job, and it was my first time reading about Taiwanese stars. I started out thinking, “Who the heck are these people?” but now I kind of have a sense.
Total: 80/100
(Sorry for the extremely late review! I went on hiatus!!! SORRY!)
This Song-BoBoLi0us
R/N So sorry it took so long T.T I'm such a procrastinator when work gets loaded on T.T Please forgive me ><
Story Title: This Song
Story Author: BoBoLi0us
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BEEZYOO4/
Reviewer: Darkess
Title: 5/5
Definitely fit. Couldn't have picked a better one. But I don't think it really stands out that much, you know? but that's okay :P
Poster/Background: 10/10
I think the black and white really stands out, and then green taec in the back XD but everything matches well :) two thumbs up
Forewords: 5/5
Amazing. I love that you placed the characters in areas that made sense, and how you made Jay seem like a stalker. I do have a question though. How can a dancer not like music? It's an interesting twist to the dance world I guess :) I love how you put the characters in the beginning... but did you miss Taec? You said featuring... but he wasn't there and he's featured on the poster. Just wondering! The forewards pulls the reader in and makes them want to read more. I was procrastinating on doing the review, but once I read the little teaser, I automatically wanted to read more :P
Plot: 10/15
I think you could have added a few unexpected twists in the story, because the whole outcome of it seemed pretty obvious to me around a third of the way into the story. Like she could have not seen it then, but seen it days or even years later20or something, or uhhhh I don't know. I really liked how it ended actually :)
Flow: 8/10
I was a little bit confused when you jumped ahead a few years. It was just a dashline and then BAM they've been working with JYP for three years? That was weird, but the rest of the story was in good time :P
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/15
*I'm not saying that this is the only way that you can write, that you HAVE to make these adjustments... but I've gotten spazzed on before for picking things out and fixing them, so if it offends you... too bad, no offense XD*
He hated music, so why is he doing this? (forewards)
He hates music, so why is he doing this? OR He hated music, why was he doing this? but both tenses can't be in the same compound sentence.
He was a rough guy who roughs his way through life. (forewards)
He was a rough guy who roughed his way through life. OR He is a rough guy who roughs his way through life. Once again, the tenses can't be together.
pure sickening. (forewards)
purely
The only thing he noticed was the grace she puts into the clean moves of the dance.
put
It was then he really noticed her.
It was then that he really noticed her.
He even went to the extend (forewards)
extent
He felt like a stalker researching on his next pray,
It should be prey, instead of pray like in church or something.
She sh owed him a thumb up and looked around them.
It makes more sense as thumbs, but I think that thumb works too ><
when he writes plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.’
when he writes, plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.'
Taec shook her head and slipped the phone back into his pocket.
his
he would tell me he was busy and will call me back
and would call me back
How could I saw this when I heard he wasn’t even busy?’
I don't know what that is supposed to be... but it isn't right T.T
send me that rose on my fourteenth valentines day in this world
sent me that rose
But I realized everything have to have an end for it.’
has to have
onto the mike stand
mic
She said the most romantic thing a man could do for her is to play the piano for her, even thought the
though
But what he didn’t know was whether he had heard her or not.
I think it should be whether she had heard him or not.
Characterization: 10/10
TAEC AND JAY! And a chick I've never heard of before o.0 I love how you put their personalities, I think you captured it well, especially Jay's amazing dancing :P so great job in that department
Orginality: 9/10
Writing a song for someone you love isn't exactly original, but the rest of the story was :P20a rich girl whom a poor, amazingly good dancer falls in love with. I loved the whole concept of the story. But poor Taec in the end you know? And I wonder how Jay got outta that one :P
Writing style: 10/10
Your writing style is awesome, and I loved reading this story because I didn't have to go back every few seconds to reread so that I could understand what you were trying to say. You put in many little details that really added to the story.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I liked it a lot. It didn't really make me sad, or make me want to cry or anything, but it was still a pretty good story, and I was definately happy to read it :)
Overall score: 86/100
Story Title: This Song
Story Author: BoBoLi0us
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BEEZYOO4/
Reviewer: Darkess
Title: 5/5
Definitely fit. Couldn't have picked a better one. But I don't think it really stands out that much, you know? but that's okay :P
Poster/Background: 10/10
I think the black and white really stands out, and then green taec in the back XD but everything matches well :) two thumbs up
Forewords: 5/5
Amazing. I love that you placed the characters in areas that made sense, and how you made Jay seem like a stalker. I do have a question though. How can a dancer not like music? It's an interesting twist to the dance world I guess :) I love how you put the characters in the beginning... but did you miss Taec? You said featuring... but he wasn't there and he's featured on the poster. Just wondering! The forewards pulls the reader in and makes them want to read more. I was procrastinating on doing the review, but once I read the little teaser, I automatically wanted to read more :P
Plot: 10/15
I think you could have added a few unexpected twists in the story, because the whole outcome of it seemed pretty obvious to me around a third of the way into the story. Like she could have not seen it then, but seen it days or even years later20or something, or uhhhh I don't know. I really liked how it ended actually :)
Flow: 8/10
I was a little bit confused when you jumped ahead a few years. It was just a dashline and then BAM they've been working with JYP for three years? That was weird, but the rest of the story was in good time :P
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/15
*I'm not saying that this is the only way that you can write, that you HAVE to make these adjustments... but I've gotten spazzed on before for picking things out and fixing them, so if it offends you... too bad, no offense XD*
He hated music, so why is he doing this? (forewards)
He hates music, so why is he doing this? OR He hated music, why was he doing this? but both tenses can't be in the same compound sentence.
He was a rough guy who roughs his way through life. (forewards)
He was a rough guy who roughed his way through life. OR He is a rough guy who roughs his way through life. Once again, the tenses can't be together.
pure sickening. (forewards)
purely
The only thing he noticed was the grace she puts into the clean moves of the dance.
put
It was then he really noticed her.
It was then that he really noticed her.
He even went to the extend (forewards)
extent
He felt like a stalker researching on his next pray,
It should be prey, instead of pray like in church or something.
She sh owed him a thumb up and looked around them.
It makes more sense as thumbs, but I think that thumb works too ><
when he writes plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.’
when he writes, plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.'
Taec shook her head and slipped the phone back into his pocket.
his
he would tell me he was busy and will call me back
and would call me back
How could I saw this when I heard he wasn’t even busy?’
I don't know what that is supposed to be... but it isn't right T.T
send me that rose on my fourteenth valentines day in this world
sent me that rose
But I realized everything have to have an end for it.’
has to have
onto the mike stand
mic
She said the most romantic thing a man could do for her is to play the piano for her, even thought the
though
But what he didn’t know was whether he had heard her or not.
I think it should be whether she had heard him or not.
Characterization: 10/10
TAEC AND JAY! And a chick I've never heard of before o.0 I love how you put their personalities, I think you captured it well, especially Jay's amazing dancing :P so great job in that department
Orginality: 9/10
Writing a song for someone you love isn't exactly original, but the rest of the story was :P20a rich girl whom a poor, amazingly good dancer falls in love with. I loved the whole concept of the story. But poor Taec in the end you know? And I wonder how Jay got outta that one :P
Writing style: 10/10
Your writing style is awesome, and I loved reading this story because I didn't have to go back every few seconds to reread so that I could understand what you were trying to say. You put in many little details that really added to the story.
Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I liked it a lot. It didn't really make me sad, or make me want to cry or anything, but it was still a pretty good story, and I was definately happy to read it :)
Overall score: 86/100
Its you- uphoria109
Author: uphoria109
Story Title: Its you
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/uphoria109/
Reviewer: changminXmc
*I'm terribly sorry for the long wait! Forgive me! ><
Title: 5/5
* I think the title was really good. It really connected with the story, and its really simple. I like it.
Poster/Background: 8/10
* I thought it would've been a yaoi story since I only saw two guys on the poster. But when I read the story, it had a girl in there, so I thought, Oh, ok, its not yaoi.. But I thought, you could've used a random girl for EunJi. ^^ Though I like how its made, really fits the mood for the story.
Forewords: 4/5
* Your forward was interesting, it didn't give off the whole story plot, and kept alittle angst in it. It was good.
Plot: 13/15
* Your plot is pretty common. A love triangle was is pretty common and it was in this story too. Though it was pretty good.
Flow: 8/10
* I felt as if you rushed the story towards the ending, of where, Kyuhyun and Donghae could've fought over EunJi more and where Kyuhyun still could've try to steal EunJi in the end, but besides that, it was ok. Also, the ending seemed like a rush as well. You could've spent more time on writing a more detailed ending. ^^'
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15
* You had a few spelling errors, and mistakes, but its ok. Since everyone does it. ^^
Characterization: 9/10
* Well, I guess you already told the characters at the beginning, like EunJi, and then Kyuhyun.. Also, Super Junior, but then yeah, eventually reader's would've find out about the characters later on in the story, so it was ok. (Sorry, this wasn't really making sense.)
Orginality: 7/10
* I feel like this story is really original, nothing really new or special. I've seen this kind of plots out there before so yeah, that's why. ^^'
Writing style: 9/10
* Your writing style was perfect, but I think it was still too, like strict. You need to loosen up a bit lol. But it was very good, just a slight difference.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
* I did not enjoy reviewing this fic, it was rather normal. And each chapter, I did not know who pov was it since you didn't label it. And I'd get really confused sometimes. Sorry to say this, but I didn't really enjoy this. ^^' Though its a good fic.
Overall score: 82/100
* I consider that a pretty good score. ^^
Story Title: Its you
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/uphoria109/
Reviewer: changminXmc
*I'm terribly sorry for the long wait! Forgive me! ><
Title: 5/5
* I think the title was really good. It really connected with the story, and its really simple. I like it.
Poster/Background: 8/10
* I thought it would've been a yaoi story since I only saw two guys on the poster. But when I read the story, it had a girl in there, so I thought, Oh, ok, its not yaoi.. But I thought, you could've used a random girl for EunJi. ^^ Though I like how its made, really fits the mood for the story.
Forewords: 4/5
* Your forward was interesting, it didn't give off the whole story plot, and kept alittle angst in it. It was good.
Plot: 13/15
* Your plot is pretty common. A love triangle was is pretty common and it was in this story too. Though it was pretty good.
Flow: 8/10
* I felt as if you rushed the story towards the ending, of where, Kyuhyun and Donghae could've fought over EunJi more and where Kyuhyun still could've try to steal EunJi in the end, but besides that, it was ok. Also, the ending seemed like a rush as well. You could've spent more time on writing a more detailed ending. ^^'
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 13/15
* You had a few spelling errors, and mistakes, but its ok. Since everyone does it. ^^
Characterization: 9/10
* Well, I guess you already told the characters at the beginning, like EunJi, and then Kyuhyun.. Also, Super Junior, but then yeah, eventually reader's would've find out about the characters later on in the story, so it was ok. (Sorry, this wasn't really making sense.)
Orginality: 7/10
* I feel like this story is really original, nothing really new or special. I've seen this kind of plots out there before so yeah, that's why. ^^'
Writing style: 9/10
* Your writing style was perfect, but I think it was still too, like strict. You need to loosen up a bit lol. But it was very good, just a slight difference.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
* I did not enjoy reviewing this fic, it was rather normal. And each chapter, I did not know who pov was it since you didn't label it. And I'd get really confused sometimes. Sorry to say this, but I didn't really enjoy this. ^^' Though its a good fic.
Overall score: 82/100
* I consider that a pretty good score. ^^
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Cry - appleMIN
Author: appleMIN
Story Title: Cry
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cry_AS/
Reviewer: Darkess
Title: 5/5
The title is the whole concept of the story. You couldn't have picked a better one.
Poster/Background: 6/10
Aww I love how you made your own poster, but idunno, it just looked weird to me o.0. but it did match your green background, and props for trying XD
Forewords: 4/5
I love how you lead into the story, give the characters in your little prologue, and tell of your poster :)
Plot: 10/15
The niece was a total brat and I wanted to smack her, but her character played a good part in the story. The death sentence was a little unrealistic, but I still love how that was worked into the story. The drugs were a little weird, and I think you could have found something better to frame him with, like an accused murder or something that would have deserved a death sentence, but her taking the blame for it anyways was still awesome :) I found it weird how he decided to go out with the niece right after his old girlfriend was sentenced to death, but... that's ok :O
Flow: 8/10
Everything seemed to be in good time, considering that most of it was a flashback.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/15
one to be sprinkled when we lost over something - forewards
'We're' should probably be used.
when we lost a certain thing - forewards
when we've lost a certain thing
wasted on the same time - forewards
wasted at the same time
She implanted the most brave face despite - forewards
She implanted her bravest face despite
He turned to be very thoughtful and sensible - story
turned out to be' is what I think you were trying to say
My journey was long and hard but it is finally paid off - story
has finally paid off
There was no obvious faulty in what he just said - story
fault
one is when you lose over - story
when you're lost over someone'? maybe? I don't know how you want it to be, but it really doesn't seem right as it is.
keep it as a secret.” - story
keep it a secret
She was threatening us if he couldn't get Sungmin
if she couldn't get Sungmin
“I'm sorry but I've been with Sungmin even before you know him. I cannot do as what you want.” - story
"I'm sorry, but I've been with Sungmin since before you knew him. I cannot do as you ask."
sighed heavily that I could hear his exclamation of disappointment - story
Sighed heavily so that I could hear
how many times I have cried for him? - story
have I cried for him?
and twisting my own tongue - story
and twisted
“Anna will never do that!” - story
would never
He didn't believe of what Sunny said but somehow he had the feeling of doubt and queries; besides, the last person who was with him is... Anna. - story
He didn't believe what Sunny said, but somehow he had the feeling of doubt and queries; besides, the last person who was with him was... Anna.
Somehow, nobody seemed to care for her anymore, - story
of her anymore
letting them fell with a loud thud. - story
letting them fall
I could imagine right away on how they will do to me, - story
I imagined right away how they would do this to me, or, I could imagine right away what they would do to me
without me having the regrets. - story
without me having regrets.
All of them didn't know what do say - story
None of them knew what to say
You're too coward - story
You're too much of a coward, or, You're a coward
all alone and you are just going to keep chickening?" - story
chickening out?"
DO YOU THINK I WILL LET YOU STAY HERE?! - story
DO YOU THINK I WON'T LET YOU STAY HERE?!
I couldn't completely enjoy it because right when I started to get into it I would have to correct a grammar mistake.
Characterization: 10/10
There weren't too many characters, and it was easy to follow along with for the personalitys and the characters, intstead of trying to remember which person did what or something.
Orginality: 7/10
The death sentence was=2 0definately a new twist, but I don't exactly think it was realistic. I mean being put to death for taking drugs? People take drugs all the time o.o But it definately was a new twist that I hadn't seen before :) I think her sacraficing herself for him was good, and that him not being able to save her in time was better, so I think that portion was very creative.
Writing style: 7/10
I think your style is easy to understand and follow along with, but there were just some things that could have flowed better in the story. Many sentences were choppy, but not necessarily wrong.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
I don't know, I think I got kind of bored with it, and I was glad that it wasn't longer... but I loved the death sentence and the fact that she was wiling to risk her life for him so that he could keep his dream going.
Overall score: 72/100
Story Title: Cry
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cry_AS/
Reviewer: Darkess
Title: 5/5
The title is the whole concept of the story. You couldn't have picked a better one.
Poster/Background: 6/10
Aww I love how you made your own poster, but idunno, it just looked weird to me o.0. but it did match your green background, and props for trying XD
Forewords: 4/5
I love how you lead into the story, give the characters in your little prologue, and tell of your poster :)
Plot: 10/15
The niece was a total brat and I wanted to smack her, but her character played a good part in the story. The death sentence was a little unrealistic, but I still love how that was worked into the story. The drugs were a little weird, and I think you could have found something better to frame him with, like an accused murder or something that would have deserved a death sentence, but her taking the blame for it anyways was still awesome :) I found it weird how he decided to go out with the niece right after his old girlfriend was sentenced to death, but... that's ok :O
Flow: 8/10
Everything seemed to be in good time, considering that most of it was a flashback.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/15
one to be sprinkled when we lost over something - forewards
'We're' should probably be used.
when we lost a certain thing - forewards
when we've lost a certain thing
wasted on the same time - forewards
wasted at the same time
She implanted the most brave face despite - forewards
She implanted her bravest face despite
He turned to be very thoughtful and sensible - story
turned out to be' is what I think you were trying to say
My journey was long and hard but it is finally paid off - story
has finally paid off
There was no obvious faulty in what he just said - story
fault
one is when you lose over - story
when you're lost over someone'? maybe? I don't know how you want it to be, but it really doesn't seem right as it is.
keep it as a secret.” - story
keep it a secret
She was threatening us if he couldn't get Sungmin
if she couldn't get Sungmin
“I'm sorry but I've been with Sungmin even before you know him. I cannot do as what you want.” - story
"I'm sorry, but I've been with Sungmin since before you knew him. I cannot do as you ask."
sighed heavily that I could hear his exclamation of disappointment - story
Sighed heavily so that I could hear
how many times I have cried for him? - story
have I cried for him?
and twisting my own tongue - story
and twisted
“Anna will never do that!” - story
would never
He didn't believe of what Sunny said but somehow he had the feeling of doubt and queries; besides, the last person who was with him is... Anna. - story
He didn't believe what Sunny said, but somehow he had the feeling of doubt and queries; besides, the last person who was with him was... Anna.
Somehow, nobody seemed to care for her anymore, - story
of her anymore
letting them fell with a loud thud. - story
letting them fall
I could imagine right away on how they will do to me, - story
I imagined right away how they would do this to me, or, I could imagine right away what they would do to me
without me having the regrets. - story
without me having regrets.
All of them didn't know what do say - story
None of them knew what to say
You're too coward - story
You're too much of a coward, or, You're a coward
all alone and you are just going to keep chickening?" - story
chickening out?"
DO YOU THINK I WILL LET YOU STAY HERE?! - story
DO YOU THINK I WON'T LET YOU STAY HERE?!
I couldn't completely enjoy it because right when I started to get into it I would have to correct a grammar mistake.
Characterization: 10/10
There weren't too many characters, and it was easy to follow along with for the personalitys and the characters, intstead of trying to remember which person did what or something.
Orginality: 7/10
The death sentence was=2 0definately a new twist, but I don't exactly think it was realistic. I mean being put to death for taking drugs? People take drugs all the time o.o But it definately was a new twist that I hadn't seen before :) I think her sacraficing herself for him was good, and that him not being able to save her in time was better, so I think that portion was very creative.
Writing style: 7/10
I think your style is easy to understand and follow along with, but there were just some things that could have flowed better in the story. Many sentences were choppy, but not necessarily wrong.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
I don't know, I think I got kind of bored with it, and I was glad that it wasn't longer... but I loved the death sentence and the fact that she was wiling to risk her life for him so that he could keep his dream going.
Overall score: 72/100
Saturday, 1 August 2009
One Minute, One Second by EMI
Story Title: One Minute, One Second
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/OneForever/
Author: EMI
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows
Title: 3/5
Quite a suitable title and it seems to be like a desperate cry out to have just a little more time with the people who mean something to them.
Poster/Background: 7/10
I like the feeling of that poster, but I doubt it will be a poster that I will actually remember 6 months later,,,
Forewords: 4/5
I like your forewords because it generates interest but at the same time, it is not too… direct? Good job there =D
Plot: 7/15
I can’t really grade your story at this point in time. However, at chapter 9, I feel that the beginning of your story doesn’t seem to be going a little too slowly…
Flow: 6/10
Just like what I said, the flow would be much better if it was faster…
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/15
Smooth and easy to read but you can always use more descriptive words and I am sure that it would add much color to your writings =D Also, perhaps cut down on all the vulgarities? This is because I personally feel that the use of such words too frequently will result in your story becoming less… erh classy?
Characterization: 7/10
Average? I mean I can do a character map on them but they don’t seem THAT unique? You get me? The one in a million kind of character?
Orginality: 5/10
I can’t really gauge at this stage since there is still much to go for your story…
Writing style: 7/10
Diary format is something rather new which makes it interesting. However, the bad thing about this way of writing is that you can’t really describe too much since it is after all a diary.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
Not a bad read at all but I still need more storyline to be able to give you a more honest opinion.
Overall score: 62/100
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/OneForever/
Author: EMI
Reviewed by: Moon Mistress @ Lost Shadows
Title: 3/5
Quite a suitable title and it seems to be like a desperate cry out to have just a little more time with the people who mean something to them.
Poster/Background: 7/10
I like the feeling of that poster, but I doubt it will be a poster that I will actually remember 6 months later,,,
Forewords: 4/5
I like your forewords because it generates interest but at the same time, it is not too… direct? Good job there =D
Plot: 7/15
I can’t really grade your story at this point in time. However, at chapter 9, I feel that the beginning of your story doesn’t seem to be going a little too slowly…
Flow: 6/10
Just like what I said, the flow would be much better if it was faster…
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/15
Smooth and easy to read but you can always use more descriptive words and I am sure that it would add much color to your writings =D Also, perhaps cut down on all the vulgarities? This is because I personally feel that the use of such words too frequently will result in your story becoming less… erh classy?
Characterization: 7/10
Average? I mean I can do a character map on them but they don’t seem THAT unique? You get me? The one in a million kind of character?
Orginality: 5/10
I can’t really gauge at this stage since there is still much to go for your story…
Writing style: 7/10
Diary format is something rather new which makes it interesting. However, the bad thing about this way of writing is that you can’t really describe too much since it is after all a diary.
Overall enjoyment: 6/10
Not a bad read at all but I still need more storyline to be able to give you a more honest opinion.
Overall score: 62/100
Black Hole of Happiness by RAINxclouds
Title: Black Hole of Happiness
Author: RAINxclouds
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Song_o1/
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 4/5
- The title made very perfect sense and it also made a point out of life. Although, I had a hard time deciding whether the title matched the story while I was reading, I just see the connection of the title with the story, only at the last two parts or maybe just the end.
Poster/Background: 10/10
- Your poster and Background matches well with your story. Color black is the perfect color to express black hole. Your poster is very elegant and the sad theme and the black and white color of the poster really matches your story.
Forewords: 4/5
- You did a very good job in this section, you practically summarized their whole past in the forewords. Although, I have a small problem. I think it would be better to at least put anything about the characters in the forewords, because like me, there may be people who know little about the characters in your story.
Plot: 12/15
- At first, I really couldn’t the plot. I was really confused since it was changing P.O.Vs and then it would suddenly change to this to this. So yes, I was completely confused. But as I read on, I finally got the story. And when I finally got, I thought it was very interesting and unique in some ways but also a little same to other stories in some ways. But I do really like the plot and it’s message.
Flow: 7/10
- The flow was, how can I say it?, unstable. There were some moments that you rushed and there were some that needs a little more description of what happened. So it made me really confused with the story.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 12/15
- I spotted some typos and I think you could make your vocab wider but I just spotted little spelling and grammar mistakes. So it was okay.
Characterization: 8/10
- You really expressed their feelings well especially because you changed P.O.Vs but I do think that Minhwan should also get a P.O.V like you intended, because he is also one of the very important characters.
Orginality: 9/10
- I can very well say that this story is very Original, it’s very fresh. Also the plot is very original because you sort of gave a new perspective of life with your plot.
Writing style: 7/10
- I really like your writing style, but I think you can improve it more. Try to describe more of what is happening, where it was happening, what the characters were doing and feeling.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
- As much as I enjoyed it I was really confused but your story is really one of those that gives messages, and that’s what I like most in stories. Hope to see you writing more. Good Luck!
Overall score: 81/100
Author: RAINxclouds
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Song_o1/
Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@lostshadows.co.nr
Title: 4/5
- The title made very perfect sense and it also made a point out of life. Although, I had a hard time deciding whether the title matched the story while I was reading, I just see the connection of the title with the story, only at the last two parts or maybe just the end.
Poster/Background: 10/10
- Your poster and Background matches well with your story. Color black is the perfect color to express black hole. Your poster is very elegant and the sad theme and the black and white color of the poster really matches your story.
Forewords: 4/5
- You did a very good job in this section, you practically summarized their whole past in the forewords. Although, I have a small problem. I think it would be better to at least put anything about the characters in the forewords, because like me, there may be people who know little about the characters in your story.
Plot: 12/15
- At first, I really couldn’t the plot. I was really confused since it was changing P.O.Vs and then it would suddenly change to this to this. So yes, I was completely confused. But as I read on, I finally got the story. And when I finally got, I thought it was very interesting and unique in some ways but also a little same to other stories in some ways. But I do really like the plot and it’s message.
Flow: 7/10
- The flow was, how can I say it?, unstable. There were some moments that you rushed and there were some that needs a little more description of what happened. So it made me really confused with the story.
Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 12/15
- I spotted some typos and I think you could make your vocab wider but I just spotted little spelling and grammar mistakes. So it was okay.
Characterization: 8/10
- You really expressed their feelings well especially because you changed P.O.Vs but I do think that Minhwan should also get a P.O.V like you intended, because he is also one of the very important characters.
Orginality: 9/10
- I can very well say that this story is very Original, it’s very fresh. Also the plot is very original because you sort of gave a new perspective of life with your plot.
Writing style: 7/10
- I really like your writing style, but I think you can improve it more. Try to describe more of what is happening, where it was happening, what the characters were doing and feeling.
Overall enjoyment: 8/10
- As much as I enjoyed it I was really confused but your story is really one of those that gives messages, and that’s what I like most in stories. Hope to see you writing more. Good Luck!
Overall score: 81/100
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