Cry - appleMIN

Author: appleMIN
Story Title: Cry
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cry_AS/
Reviewer: Darkess

Title: 5/5

The title is the whole concept of the story. You couldn't have picked a better one.

Poster/Background: 6/10

Aww I love how you made your own poster, but idunno, it just looked weird to me o.0. but it did match your green background, and props for trying XD

Forewords: 4/5

I love how you lead into the story, give the characters in your little prologue, and tell of your poster :)

Plot: 10/15

The niece was a total brat and I wanted to smack her, but her character played a good part in the story. The death sentence was a little unrealistic, but I still love how that was worked into the story. The drugs were a little weird, and I think you could have found something better to frame him with, like an accused murder or something that would have deserved a death sentence, but her taking the blame for it anyways was still awesome :) I found it weird how he decided to go out with the niece right after his old girlfriend was sentenced to death, but... that's ok :O

Flow: 8/10

Everything seemed to be in good time, considering that most of it was a flashback.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 9/15

one to be sprinkled when we lost over something - forewards

'We're' should probably be used.

when we lost a certain thing - forewards

when we've lost a certain thing

wasted on the same time - forewards

wasted at the same time

She implanted the most brave face despite - forewards

She implanted her bravest face despite

He turned to be very thoughtful and sensible - story

turned out to be' is what I think you were trying to say

My journey was long and hard but it is finally paid off - story

has finally paid off

There was no obvious faulty in what he just said - story

fault

one is when you lose over - story

when you're lost over someone'? maybe? I don't know how you want it to be, but it really doesn't seem right as it is.

keep it as a secret.” - story

keep it a secret

She was threatening us if he couldn't get Sungmin

if she couldn't get Sungmin

“I'm sorry but I've been with Sungmin even before you know him. I cannot do as what you want.” - story

"I'm sorry, but I've been with Sungmin since before you knew him. I cannot do as you ask."

sighed heavily that I could hear his exclamation of disappointment - story

Sighed heavily so that I could hear

how many times I have cried for him? - story

have I cried for him?

and twisting my own tongue - story

and twisted

“Anna will never do that!” - story

would never

He didn't believe of what Sunny said but somehow he had the feeling of doubt and queries; besides, the last person who was with him is... Anna. - story

He didn't believe what Sunny said, but somehow he had the feeling of doubt and queries; besides, the last person who was with him was... Anna.

Somehow, nobody seemed to care for her anymore, - story

of her anymore

letting them fell with a loud thud. - story

letting them fall

I could imagine right away on how they will do to me, - story

I imagined right away how they would do this to me, or, I could imagine right away what they would do to me

without me having the regrets. - story

without me having regrets.

All of them didn't know what do say - story

None of them knew what to say

You're too coward - story

You're too much of a coward, or, You're a coward

all alone and you are just going to keep chickening?" - story

chickening out?"

DO YOU THINK I WILL LET YOU STAY HERE?! - story

DO YOU THINK I WON'T LET YOU STAY HERE?!

I couldn't completely enjoy it because right when I started to get into it I would have to correct a grammar mistake.

Characterization: 10/10

There weren't too many characters, and it was easy to follow along with for the personalitys and the characters, intstead of trying to remember which person did what or something.

Orginality: 7/10

The death sentence was=2 0definately a new twist, but I don't exactly think it was realistic. I mean being put to death for taking drugs? People take drugs all the time o.o But it definately was a new twist that I hadn't seen before :) I think her sacraficing herself for him was good, and that him not being able to save her in time was better, so I think that portion was very creative.

Writing style: 7/10

I think your style is easy to understand and follow along with, but there were just some things that could have flowed better in the story. Many sentences were choppy, but not necessarily wrong.

Overall enjoyment: 6/10

I don't know, I think I got kind of bored with it, and I was glad that it wasn't longer... but I loved the death sentence and the fact that she was wiling to risk her life for him so that he could keep his dream going.

Overall score: 72/100