DBSK V. SHINee by kim4ever

Title: DBSK V. SHINee
Author: kim4ever
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kim4ever
Reviewer: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows

*Remember, I am not criticizing you because I hold a personal vendetta against you. I only wish to help and make your stories better.*

Title: 3/5
I really like what you were trying to portray (DBSK and SHINee fighting for the girl) but to me, the title is better fitting for something involving battle of the bands. But, it fits the story, so that’s good.

Poster/Background: 9/10
I really like the poster. Seung Shak designed one for me, as well, so I won’t say I’m completely biased, but…LOL.

Forewords: 4/5
Nothing wrong in particular, other than you don’t give much of a preview.

Plot: 13/15
The story is ongoing, so I won’t dock you too many points, but this is something I’ve read before: a girl being fought over by celebrities. Who wouldn’t want that, though? ^^ Right now, I do not know where exactly you’re going with the story, but again it’s in progress, so whatever.

Flow: 8/10
Your flow is neither too fast nor too slow, but the first kiss thing? Very random and happened way too fast.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/15
You said in the forewords that English is not your first language, and I respect that. =] However, you can always use a word processor online to help you out with spelling, grammar, punctuation, and you can always use the online thesaurus to help fine-tune your vocabulary. It’s a work in progress; at least I can understand you ^^

Characterization: 7/10
You really didn’t give much introduction to the characters other than the forewords. In my opinion, you just kind of threw them into the story whenever you felt like it. Just a quick description of the characters while the plot is in motion won’t hurt anybody. Also, don’t try to give the self-insert a background! Let the reader give themselves a background, so it can feel more like themselves in the story rather than another fictional character.

Originality: 8/10
As I’ve said above, I have read a few fanfics similar to yours.

Writing style: 6/10
You overuse the caps lock button and the way you set up your paragraphs in a very weird way, making it difficult to read or to really emphasize the words/sentences you want emphasized. Instead of making all the letters LOOK LIKE THIS, just add that they were yelling at the tops of their lungs or something along those lines.

My suggestion? Only use caps lock when you absolutely need to, and put some space between your lines. It might look weird to you, but it doesn’t put stress on your readers’ eyes.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10
This story was interesting, to say the least. It does resemble others I’ve read, but I haven’t read one involving not one, but two groups. Good luck with it, and with your other story!

Overall Score: 77/100