This Song-BoBoLi0us

R/N So sorry it took so long T.T I'm such a procrastinator when work gets loaded on T.T Please forgive me ><

Story Title: This Song
Story Author: BoBoLi0us
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BEEZYOO4/
Reviewer: Darkess


Title: 5/5

Definitely fit. Couldn't have picked a better one. But I don't think it really stands out that much, you know? but that's okay :P

Poster/Background: 10/10

I think the black and white really stands out, and then green taec in the back XD but everything matches well :) two thumbs up

Forewords: 5/5

Amazing. I love that you placed the characters in areas that made sense, and how you made Jay seem like a stalker. I do have a question though. How can a dancer not like music? It's an interesting twist to the dance world I guess :) I love how you put the characters in the beginning... but did you miss Taec? You said featuring... but he wasn't there and he's featured on the poster. Just wondering! The forewards pulls the reader in and makes them want to read more. I was procrastinating on doing the review, but once I read the little teaser, I automatically wanted to read more :P

Plot: 10/15

I think you could have added a few unexpected twists in the story, because the whole outcome of it seemed pretty obvious to me around a third of the way into the story. Like she could have not seen it then, but seen it days or even years later20or something, or uhhhh I don't know. I really liked how it ended actually :)

Flow: 8/10

I was a little bit confused when you jumped ahead a few years. It was just a dashline and then BAM they've been working with JYP for three years? That was weird, but the rest of the story was in good time :P

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 10/15

*I'm not saying that this is the only way that you can write, that you HAVE to make these adjustments... but I've gotten spazzed on before for picking things out and fixing them, so if it offends you... too bad, no offense XD*

He hated music, so why is he doing this? (forewards)

He hates music, so why is he doing this? OR He hated music, why was he doing this? but both tenses can't be in the same compound sentence.

He was a rough guy who roughs his way through life. (forewards)

He was a rough guy who roughed his way through life. OR He is a rough guy who roughs his way through life. Once again, the tenses can't be together.

pure sickening. (forewards)

purely

The only thing he noticed was the grace she puts into the clean moves of the dance.

put

It was then he really noticed her.

It was then that he really noticed her.

He even went to the extend (forewards)

extent

He felt like a stalker researching on his next pray,

It should be prey, instead of pray like in church or something.

She sh owed him a thumb up and looked around them.

It makes more sense as thumbs, but I think that thumb works too ><

when he writes plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.’

when he writes, plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.'

Taec shook her head and slipped the phone back into his pocket.

his

he would tell me he was busy and will call me back

and would call me back

How could I saw this when I heard he wasn’t even busy?’

I don't know what that is supposed to be... but it isn't right T.T

send me that rose on my fourteenth valentines day in this world

sent me that rose

But I realized everything have to have an end for it.’

has to have

onto the mike stand

mic

She said the most romantic thing a man could do for her is to play the piano for her, even thought the

though

But what he didn’t know was whether he had heard her or not.

I think it should be whether she had heard him or not.

Characterization: 10/10

TAEC AND JAY! And a chick I've never heard of before o.0 I love how you put their personalities, I think you captured it well, especially Jay's amazing dancing :P so great job in that department

Orginality: 9/10

Writing a song for someone you love isn't exactly original, but the rest of the story was :P20a rich girl whom a poor, amazingly good dancer falls in love with. I loved the whole concept of the story. But poor Taec in the end you know? And I wonder how Jay got outta that one :P

Writing style: 10/10

Your writing style is awesome, and I loved reading this story because I didn't have to go back every few seconds to reread so that I could understand what you were trying to say. You put in many little details that really added to the story.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10

I liked it a lot. It didn't really make me sad, or make me want to cry or anything, but it was still a pretty good story, and I was definately happy to read it :)


Overall score: 86/100