5 Sexy Guys Loves 1 Ugly Me?! by Airah

Author: Airah
Story Title: 5 Sexy Guys Loves 1 Ugly Me?!
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/five_lovers/
Reviewer: DarkAngel

Title: 4/5

-I personally think your title is too long. Maybe you can find a shorter title that fits your story. Other than that, it matches your story a lot.


Poster/Background: 8.5/10

-Your poster is nice. I like the combination of colors and the guys look really cute XD. The background, however, didn’t really have the same effect on me. I thought you could have done something more to the BG. And for the text, it was hard to read occassionally because of the pictures, but other than that, it was fine.


Forewords: 3.5/5

-You could have included a little introduction for each character to let the reader know what each was like. The preview was good; it got me interested! But even with the characters’ names and the preview, it looks too short. You should add some things to make it longer.


Plot: 10/15

-First off, I would like to say that you lost me starting from the 2nd chapter. It got confusing and it took me a while to catch up. I also don’t get the bathroom part in chapter 3. I suggest you elaporate more. Also, this plot isn’t exactly “creative” or “unique”. I’ve seen this plot many times. You should add more of a twist in your story to make it more interesting to read.


Flow: 7/10

-Like I said earlier, you should explain more. Other than that, your pace is fine.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15

You need to proof-read after you finish your story. Two things you need to work on are to change past tense to present, add commas, make longer sentences, and capitalize only names and the first letter in a sentence. Here are some examples:

Incorrect: "Oh yeah. But still,I hate people who act like that." He said. I nod in agreement.

Correct: "Oh yeah. But still, I hate people who act like that," he says. I nod in agreement.

***

Incorrect: As soon as he step into the room a hand pulls him out.

Correct: As soon as he steps into the room, a hand pulls him out.

***

Incorrect: My good mood suddenly turned real bad.

Correct: My good mood suddenly turns really bad.

***

Incorrect: "Just so you know, even though I did the work doesn't mean its right. I just compared it with my work from before, and guess what?" He says.

Correct: “Just so you know, even though I did the work doesn’t mean it’s right. I just compare it with my work from before, and guess what?” he says.

***

Incorrect: I see Sae Rok. I decided to say hi. But standing from here, she wouldn't really be able to hear me so instead I just wave. I see that she waved back.

Correct: I see Sae Rok. I decide to say hi, but standing from here, she wouldn’t really be able to hear me, so instead I just wave. I see that she waves back.



Hope that helps!


Characterization: 7/10

-I didn’t really get the beginning because the characters kept changing their personality. Does Sae Rok hate Yoochun, or are they still friends? He seems to worry about her (like more main guys worry about their girl).


Originality: 7/10

-I have to say, this plot wasn’t really original. But some things included in the chapters were stuff I’ve never seen before. You didn’t exactly add a twist, but you added something I haven’t seen before.


Writing style: 9/10

-One small thing that bothered me was the lack of paragraphs in the story. By adding paragraphs, it makes the format look more professional. Other than that, I have no problems with it whatsoever.


Overall enjoyment: 10/10

-If I wasn’t reviewing this story, I would be more relaxed. I actually like it very much! You have a great sense of humor. But since I’m a reviewer, I have to do my job. Still, great job with the story!


Overall score: 78/100