Rather by RAINxclouds

Title: Rather
Author: RAINxclouds
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/RATHER__
Reviewed by: ShadowYin | lostshadows.co.nr
SYNote: I actually read this fanfic before. Sorry for the long wait, its cause the original reviewer wasn’t able to complete your review. *bows 10032192 times*

Title: 4/5
Unique, short related I like it. However, I know you linked the title in your forwards already, but I would’ve liked it to read it at the end again to emphasize why you chose ‘Rather’ as your title.

Poster/Background: 8/10
It’s cool but the poster wouldn’t really make me interested in your fanfic as much as your title. I mean, the colours are dull but it doesn’t really seem sad to me. I don’t know…personal opinion.

Forewords: 4/5
Loved the forewords. It was short and caught the readers’ interest. Well done! However, half a point taken away because I believe there were some unnecessary comas involved and another half a point taken away because it was a bit too short for my liking. Once again it’s personal opinion. I loved that song ever since reading your fanfic btw.

Plot: 12/15
Your plot…I’m pretty sure that there are a lot of plots out there similar to yours but your fanfic really seems special. Some of the descriptions you included really pulled your marks up in this section.
Two points are taken away, because it was quite confusing when there were other fictionals involved. I was somehow lost as to who likes who, also I didn’t think they were that important to include in a one-shot especially when you only wrote a few short sentences about them.
Other than that, I loved your plot.
It felt really unique and special even though the idea of ‘ghosts’ are quite overused now.

Finally, I thought your plot wasn’t really that well thought out. Probably due to some of the constant snappy sentences which made your fanfic appear in a more of a script form of writing. However, overall it was a fantastic plot.

Flow: 6.5/10
When you reached the dialogue, it was like one short sentence after another. Try to expand on it a little bit more?
If you reduced the amount of short sentences it might’ve helped the flow of your story.
Some parts, I would’ve liked to read more about like their feelings and reactions. Some parts were done perfectly, whilst I thought some sections were lacking a bit of description.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
Some unnecessary comas involved here and there. Some typos, and some weird sentences. Minor errors which could’ve been spotted by proof reading.

You wrote:
Noice (I think you meant noise.)
Wer (I think you meant were)
Dove (I’m pretty sure, a dove is a bird. I think you meant ‘dived’)

You wrote:
They sat surrounded in bags – (They sat SURROUNDING THE bags…)
She let her bare feet dangle off the cliff walls and she stared – (no need for another ‘she’ in the sentence. ‘…and stared…’ would do fine.

You had great vocabulary, but I still thought it would be better if you varied your connectives. A lot of ‘and’ throughout. I didn’t find anything wrong with you using them because they were effective. However you haven’t shown me the use of other connectives which allows your writing to look more sophisticated.

Characterization: 7/10
Understood the characters really well, but like I said, some of the other characters got me confused, especially the love web going on. If you had included more description on the characters, I’m sure you would’ve gotten more marks in this section.

Your characterization for some characters were great, you just need to be more consistent with your descriptions.

Originality: 8.5/10
You’ve convinced me that it’s original. Falling asleep then getting drowned…Don’t really see that often on winglin.

However, one mark taken away because you included the love web. I didn’t mind Jaemin, I thought she was a crucial character but the other original characters felt like they were just placed there like all the other winglin fanfics. Also, when you were trying to explain that they were heartbroken…I wasn’t really convinced. I think to be a little bit more original just throw in more description about the other characters, just to convince me that this isn’t like the other winglin ‘heartbroken’ fanfics. The description doesn’t have to be as long as your main characters, but just briefly to tell the readers that this is your work and you know what you’re talking about.

Writing style: 7.5/10
You didn’t write in paragraphs, but that’s fine. I would’ve thought paragraphs may have helped with the flow, but its fine. It’s simple and easy to understand. Love your descriptions, but when you started writing short sentences, there was a whole stack of them. Try to mix them a little bit?

Also, PLEASE use more varied connectives; it makes the writing slightly better and shows me that your vocabulary is good.

I had to admit, I was confused at the part where you were doing a flashback describing how Yunni died. I remember the first time when I read it; I thought it was just out of the blue. It was all a bit too sudden and I wasn’t sure what was going on. It’s a unique way of illustrating a flashback, but I think putting ‘FLASHBACK’ at the top would’ve helped.

Overall enjoyment: 8.5/10
I enjoyed it a lot. It’s one of those one-shots which would stick with me for a long time. Regardless of what I said above which I hope would help you to improve in future, I regard you as a very talented writer. The 1.5 is taken off because I believe your plot could’ve been even better.

Overall score: 78/100

I really hope to read more fanfics from you in future ^^