Apple and Cinnamon by Darkess

Title: Apple and Cinnamon
Author: Darkess
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/cinnamonapple/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows

**This review is a few months overdue, and I apologize deeply for being so late with it. Life just caught up with me. :-/**

Title: 4/5
You made me CRAVE Apple Jacks after reading that, honey. XD It was a very different title, and it really caught my interest.

Poster/Background: 9/10
Your poster looked amazing! The colors reminded me of the outside and inside of a delicious apple. It wasn’t too bright and repelling (always keep in mind that neon is NEVER the way to go with posters), but it wasn’t all dark and emo-looking, which is always a plus. Depressing stuff really gets people down, you know? Especially if they’re not prepared to read a horribly depressing fic.

Forewords: 3/5
I understand that this one-shot was based off of Utada Hikaru’s song (I love her so much!!!), but maybe you could have cut out some of the repetitive verses/refrains…it didn’t take me long to realize I was rereading things, and that got kinda boring. You don’t want to lose your readers just in the forewords.

Plot: 12/15
It wasn’t all birthday-candled (like you just randomly stuck things into the story, as one would do with a candle to a birthday cake), but there wasn’t exactly much of a plot. It was more of a “Here is a couple, here’s how they got together, and here’s how they broke up.” Even though it was a one-shot, you could have gone into deeper detail. Maybe you could have spoken about the fight, no matter how insignificant the narrator may have thought it was.

Flow: 7/10
I had no idea what grade these characters were in, and you just sort of time-skipped to senior year, where they drifted apart.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
It’s obvious this wasn’t written by a twelve-year-old crazed fangirl (and if it was, you’re very deceiving and intelligent for your age ^^). Your vocabulary wasn’t average; it was actually a bit more expanded than a lot of other authors on winglin. Mucho kudos!

Characterization: 7/10
Onew seemed too…good to be true, at first. The fictional girl has a major crush, and he just so happens to have one on her, as well? I kinda wanted to know more about why he chose to get back with the girl from a few years back. That threw me off a little; it sounded like he and the narrator broke up, but then it didn’t. I was so confused!

Originality: 8/10
There are a lot of these on winglin: boy and girl have crush on each other, fall hard, and then break up. That’s the story of Life. Haha!

One thing that saved you on the story: you didn’t try to insert yourself into it. You didn’t give the girl a name or anything like that; it was almost like a template for the reader. You just made it sound like a girl who was going through the motions of a relationship. You didn’t Mary-Jane it, either. I’m proud.

Writing style: 8/10
The only thing I had against you was your choice of font color. That really hurt my eyes, darling. Ha! But anyway, at least you had sense to split your story into paragraphs. A lot of other writers either use Tab way too much, or they have no idea what an Enter key is.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10
It was a nice read, but not something I’d go out of my way to find. Maybe if you made this into a longer story, with dialogue and conflict and yada yada…it’d be a little more interesting. Good job overall on everything, though!

Overall score: 78/100