18 Roses (Diary Entries) by raindrop_symphony

Author: raindrop_symphony

Title: 18 Roses (Diary Entries)

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/18roses/

Reviewer: Rachi @ Lost Shadows



Title: 5/5~ Woah, girl I love this title! Right away, I know that you’re a hopeless romantic like me :] Loved it.



Poster/Background: 9/10 ~ I loved your background and how it made the text extremely clear and readable. I didn’t really feel your poster because it was plain. I wish it was more of a thing with Yoochun on it and Cherry, that would’ve been really nice. The poster makes up a lot of the first impression and I had no idea who was in this story until I got to around the bottom of the first chapter.



Forewords: 3/5 ~ Your forewords was too short and not that attention-grabbing. Your little message at the bottom was longer than your actual introduction and it could’ve been easily skipped over. I feel like I could’ve skipped this and it wouldn’t have made a difference. You want the foreword to invite the reader in and give a sneak-peek that’ll have the reader waiting in anticipation. This just wasn’t doing it.



Plot: 15/15 ~ I absolutely loved your plot. It was just so above everything else. I feel like this plot was super original. It just gave me this really happy feeling inside the whole time and it had all the elements a good story needs: surprises, conflict, and then at the end, a happy ending.



Flow: 9/10 ~ Since this was in the form of diary entries, I didn’t really expect smooth transitions. I wished you’d done a little more with connecting each of the scenes, like maybe having the characters reflect back on what just happened in the beginning of their diary entries so that the reader can get more of a sense of what’s going on. For the most part though, I kept up and didn’t get too lost.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ So some of the spelling was weird (ex. hu-hu, okeeeeeeyy, he-he) but I’m not going to take too much away for that because I can tell that it’s the way you express tone in the story. That’s good but then at the same time, you don’t want to get too carried away with the smiley faces and spelling. The grammar was okay. Once again, the tone you wrote this story in affected the grammar too much. There were too many run-on sentences, which was the main problem. I liked your choice of vocabulary for the most part but next time, try for a bit more elaborate words; it would add more to your story.



Characterization: 9/10 ~ I liked how for both Cherry and Yoochun, you did a lot of “showing” instead of just “telling” and how their personalities showed through with their actions and dialogues. Keep that up and demonstrate it next time with more characters, not just the two main ones.



Orginality: 10/10 ~ I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this plot somewhere somehow but I really, really loved how you told it. That, for me, was the best part of the story and what made it so enjoyable. The way you were creative with it and had me going “awww” throughout the story was just great.



Writing style: 7/10 ~ Mainly, the format was kind of messy. I like medium-short paragraphs that are clear and readable. Big, long, half-page paragraphs with run-on sentences make me scream and feel slightly nauseated. If it weren’t for the good plot, I would’ve dropped this story and moved on just from the way it was formatted; I understand these are diary entries but that doesn’t mean there needs to be a lack of nice, readable format. I’ve mentioned that you need to be a bit more formal and professional in your writing. I like the way you use tone to express what goes on in your characters’ minds and how it reflects their personality but the whole weird words and smiley faces thing puts me off; a good author should be able to convey tone without all that crazy stuff.



Overall enjoyment: 9/10 ~ Plot and storyline great. Love the creativity and the dialogue. Try for better format and writing style



Overall score: 89/100