JiYong’s Bloodlust by Comatose Bunny

Title: JiYong’s Bloodlust
Author: Comatose Bunny
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/comatose_bunny/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ LostShadows

**Reviewer’s note: I deserve every ounce of hatred you may harbor towards me. You have been waiting patiently for your story to be reviewed, and you have waited for well over two months. I am terribly sorry for making you wait so long. Life is a monster, and it jumps out at you when you least expect it. That’s about the only good excuse I can give for my tardiness. All I can do is promise you that I treated this review with care and caution. I can only hope that you will take my advice to heart and forgive me for the late review. **

Title: 4/5
Since the story is not complete, I’m going to guess that the title has something to do with a conflict that has yet to happen. However, it did draw me in because I am a sucker for vampires (I grew up watching Buffy and Angel), and I wanted to read more and more and more, so now you have a new reader. Can’t wait for another update, by the way!

Poster/Background: 9/10
…It almost looks like he’s lying in a pool of blood…which is kind of cool! ^^ Yeah, I have a grim sense of humor, and knowing that a story might have some sort of violence/death in it really gets me interested. The colors went well with the mood, and there isn’t too much intricacy, which can sometimes distract people.

Forewords: 3/5
Stranger danger!!! Sorry. Anyway, I really liked the vagueness of your forewords. It leaves the reader wanting to know who this dark and handsome man is. Well, they sort of already know…but that’s not the point. It was short and simple. However, a little more about the setting, time era, etc. would have been helpful, too.

Plot: 13/15
Hmm, plotwise, this is kind of boring. Not that I’m dozing off. I’m actually enjoying the ride. But the vagueness of where this story might be going could be potentially dangerous for any future readers. They may not like the fact that it’s taking so long for the author to build to a climax.

Flow: 8/10
It’s dragging just a little bit, though I expect that’s what you were aiming for. It kind of keeps the reader on the edge of their seat, hanging in suspension…waiting for the cobra called Major Conflict to arise…sorry, it’s the writing dork coming out of me.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
Here’s where you ran into trouble. Watching for spelling mistakes (“bury” instead of “burry”), check your grammar from time to time (i.e tenses and whatnot), and watch the wordiness. I went into detail below (see “Writing Style”) about that.

Characterization: 9/10
You’re killing me here. I was dying to know what was up with JiYong’s past and why now, of all times, he decides to bite the girl. What’s up with that? But the story is incomplete, so I’ll let that slide.

Originality: 9/10
You know, I breathed a sigh of relief when you said the story wasn’t going to turn out like Twilight. I absolutely despise that book series and I can’t begin to understand why people like it so much. Is it because young girls are delusional and believe that Eddiekins is going to sweep them off their feet? Or that what’s-his-face is going to turn into the Big Bad Hunky Wolf and save them from evil? You know, your story actually sounded more like characters from the Buffyverse instead of the retards Ms. Meyer wrote about. I applaud you on that. Finally, someone is turning back to the real roots of the vampires who don’t sparkle in the sunlight and act like the whole world is inferior to them and their so-called “killer hair-dos”.

…Ahem. If you weren’t aiming for Buffy vamps, that’s still okay. Anything but the Twilight losers.

Writing style: 7/10
Personally, I like the abstract writing. It leaves creativity room for those with spectacular imaginations. Plus, the words you use aren’t exactly in the average person’s vocab bank. But for those who like a set writing style without so many words and details…this could lose them. To someone who doesn’t have a huge vocabulary, the story may just seem a little like a big bucket of word vomit. I’m not saying to stop altogether; just watch how big your words get, and if the situation calls for it, “stupid it down”.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10
There were some parts where I kind of sat back and thought you were making this into the Korean Twilight, but you surprised me. This story turned out to be really awesome. At first, I had absolutely no freaking clue who JiYong was, so I did a little research and I can thank you for getting me into Big Bang. Them boys crack me up. So far, this story is really kicking a—I mean, butt. I can’t wait for another update from you, and again I apologize deeply for the late review. Please forgive me!

Overall score: 84/100