What Are You? by Love_Joongie

Author: Love_Joongie

Title: What Are You?

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/WhatAreYou/

Reviewer: Rachi @ Lost Shadows



Title: 4/5 ~ I feel like this story could’ve been just a tiny bit more creative but I like how it describes the story pretty well and fits it. Try for a uniqueness that’ll draw attention next time.



Poster/Background: 9/10 ~ I feel like it was a little dark whereas the story (for the most part) is pretty happy….except for the part where he leaves of course. The poster itself is pretty and Jae is gorgeous :] I just wished it encompassed the mood more.



Forewords: 3/5 ~ This was weird. What does “For someone who can sense unusual can be scared? For someone who can sense unusual can be excited? For someone who can sense unusual can be curious?” It’s either that there are some serious grammar issues here or I’m missing something.



Plot: 15/15 ~ I liked your plot a ton :] It had all the components of a good story: surprises, suspense, and some pretty darn cute moments in between :] The best thing about it was how I never got bored and wanted to read on to the end, I wish it could’ve been a bit longer, I hate cliffhangers!



Flow: 9/10 ~ The transitions were very abrupt at times. The parts where it transitions from her hearing Jae’s voice to when the incidents happen were kind of awkward. It had me wondering “wow, did she really just not think this was weird at all and just go along with it? I would’ve been kind of scared out of my mind.” I wish you had smoother transitions between each scene because they all blended together kind of fast.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15 ~ The spelling for the most part was good, I didn’t catch any mistakes. The grammar was kind of off, the grammar tenses were not consistent (ex. “The presence is still there” should be the presence WAS still there & “Why are you calm” should be why WERE you calm), there was incorrect word choice (ex. “You lied on your bed” should be you LAID on your bed & “I’m going nuts, am I” should be I’m going nuts, AREN’T I & “You jumped a little from startle” should be you jumped a little, STARTLED) Run-on sentences were problematic as well. I liked your choice of words, it fit the story. Points were mainly deducted here for grammar.



Characterization: 7/10 ~ I feel like a LOT more detail could have been added here concerning the characters. Characterization helps the reader get a mental image of what the characters are supposed to look like, based on their personality. I couldn’t get an image at all. There was nothing dialogue-wise or else that revealed anything about the characters. It was mainly just that Jae was a ghost and “you” are some random girl that he apparently likes, you know what I mean? Characterization is one of the most important elements to a good story and without it, the story seems very bland and 2D.



Orginality: 10/10 ~ The element of a protective spirit is prevalent in many, many films, stories, novels, everything. However, the way you told it was what made it unique. I enjoyed the little twists, like how he actually died but was technically not dead and could return whenever he wanted to; this made the story a little more surprising and less cliché.



Writing style: 9/10 ~ I liked your style for the most part, the format of the story was pretty good, everything was clear and readable. One thing though, was the dialogues. After a character speaks in a story, you should space down and start a new paragraph; this is the formal format for all stories. You had the character talk, and then continued on to describe other things, then had someone else talk, all the in the same paragraph. This makes the story messy and confusing.



Overall enjoyment: 9/10 ~ I enjoyed your story very much for the plot. It’s one of those stories that although lack originality, is told in such a creative and unique way that makes it great. The only thing that bothered me was format and grammar. Work on those and it’ll be perfect!



Overall score: 87/100