My Doll Prince by WonderBinnie

Author: WonderBinnie
Title: My Doll Prince
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/WonderBinnie2/

Reviewer: Rachi @ Lost Shadows



Title: 4/5 ~ I liked the title but I think it could have been a bit more creative. Yes, it does relate completely to the story but it’s a tiny bit bland.



Poster/Background: 10/10 ~ I liked the simplicity of the poster and background. I had no trouble reading the text so everything was fine here :] I also think the theme related a lot to your story and just added to the overall feel of the plot.



Forewords: 4/5 ~ There were some grammar and format issues in the forewords, I think that took quite a lot away from what you were actually trying to say. The foreword itself was very attention-grabbing and I liked how you added the “what happens when your childhood doll turns into a real human?” part, that was very classy; lose the “well read this story and you’ll see part” because that was very NOT original and sounds like you’re advertising.



Plot: 15/15 ~ I really, really liked your plot, I feel like it was all very interesting and exciting. It was very original and I loved the way you told it.



Flow: 8/10 ~ Some parts of the story could definitely been elaborated on a bit more because it would have made the story flow together nicer. Introducing JJ was one of these parts, I wish you’d transitioned a bit smoother when you talked about him turning into a doll or when he went back to his doll mansion…these parts seemed really abrupt and was like a “wait, what that just happened?” sort of thing, which is something you never want the readers to be thinking.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/15 ~ There were many grammar issues and these took away so much from the story and made it less enjoyable. “Umm…probably I just sleep.” was an example of a grammar issue, it should be “I’ll probably just sleep.” “How bout I took you out for dinner?” is another classic example of a verb tense used wrong, it should be “take.” I think you’ll find many similar errors throughout the story. Punctuation was left out a lot after a character says something. There should always be a period after someone says something, even if it’s in quotation marks.



Characterization: 8/10 ~ I feel like you could have definitely gone more in-depth about the characters and their personalities. One of the most important elements to a story is detail and personification; this helps the reader get a mental image of what the character might look like, or better yet, as if they know this character in person. I got a blurry sense of what the characters were like in your story because you did a lot of “telling” instead of “showing” and sometimes, not even that. I wish I could have known more about the character’s personalities from their actions or their tone.



Originality: 10/10 ~ My favorite thing about this story was how original it was. I’m sure there’s a story like this somewhere but your storyline and plot was just extremely unique and I was very entertained the whole time!



Writing style: 8/10 ~ Mainly, I hope you work on your paragraph formatting and spacing. There should be a double space between every line, even when there is dialogue because this makes the story cleaner and clearer. Also, after a character says something, you should always skip down 2 lines before talking about something else; this also contributes to clarity.



Overall enjoyment: 9/10 ~ Like I said, I loved your plot and storyline a lot, I just wish there were less grammatical issues and better format.



Overall score: 85/100