It Was You by Ronix^^

Name: Ronix^^
Story Title : It Was You
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Asian_Fanatic03
Reviewer: DarkAngel

Title: 3/5- The title is too common and not that eye-catching. I think it’s simple.


Poster/Background: 8/10- It fits the mood, but I think it could have been better. In my opinion, it looked unique, but had a little too much on it. If it looks like there’s too many things on it, it doesn’t look right.


Forewords: 5/5- Your forewords were nice. I really liked them. It was interesting to read, so kudos for that.


Plot: 12/15- I’ve seen these types of plots before. One of the main people get amnesia, forget everything, then gets lied to. But at first, I was confused. After the story progressed, I began to understand it more.

Flow: 8/10- The pace was choppy at some points. I wouldn’t call this a one-shot since those only have one or two chapters. I think of this more as a chapter story.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/15- I’ve seen grammatical errors like “your” instead of “you’re” and “seat” with “sit”. Also, there were a lot of errors considering capitalizing letters. As a writer, I understand that these things happen. This is why I recommend going back and checking what you’ve wrote just in case you accidentally made a mistake. I’m not saying you have too. It’s just that it looks more professional if it doesn’t have that many errors.


Characterization: 8/10- You told us about the characters and some details about them. It would be nicer if you wrote more about them.


Originality: 7/10- I’ve seen these types of stories before. You could have included a twist that would make the story more interesting. It would be more fun to read a story with a different plot from another.


Writing style: 7/10- I don’t really like when you indent after almost every sentence. It looks like it has a bunch of space. I would recommend more paragraphs- not those incredibly long ones though. I also don’t think it’s necessary to add a space after a sentence before the question mark/period/exclamation mark.


Overall enjoyment: 8/10- I’m not a big fan of Hebe, but this one is pretty good ^^


Overall score: 77/100