Pair Of Hands by brightside

Name: brightside
Story Title : Pair Of Hands
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/pairofhands/
Reviewer: Rachi | lostshadows.co.nr


Title: 5/5 ~While I think it could have been a bit more creative, this title did grab my attention simply because it was different and sounded interesting.



Poster/Background: 9/10 ~ I liked the way the colors matched in the poster and the background, I just wish that the characters could have been laid out in a more interesting way then just there. They didn’t seem to have any importance.



Forewords: 4/5 ~ I liked the way you asked questions because it makes the reader look wonder why and what’s going to happen. Next time, try to phrase them a little differently, like using the same tense throughout the whole thing (“Would it bother you if that particular dream is recurring, night by night? Dia was.” should be either “was recurring” or “recurred” And “Dia was”? What does that mean? Do you mean “it bothered Dia.”)



Plot: 15/15 ~ I think your plot was very movie-like, as in it feels like it could happen in real life, instead of just on the pages. I liked how extremely unique it was as well as creative and I was always really excited to find out what was going to happen next. I loved it!



Flow: 9/10 ~ For the most part, I understood what you were talking about and the transitions were smooth. I didn’t get lost really, but there were a few parts, like the arrival of her dad and brother, where I was wondering wait, who are they? For a really long time because that part wasn’t really clear.



Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15 ~ There were some things wrong with grammar throughout the story, such as mentioned above in the forewords and also:



“She was holding those pair of hands, again. Calloused with long fingers and short flat nails. They are dirty cold hands. It was always dark that she couldn’t determine what kind of dirt are those.”



There are a few things wrong with that. The corrected version should be:



“She was holding that pair of hands again, they were calloused with long fingers and short flat nails. They were dirty, cold hands. It was always dark so she couldn’t determine what kind of dirt it was.”



Spelling for the most part, was correct and I liked your choice in vocabulary.



Characterization: 9/10 ~ You did a really great job characterizing some of the people, like Dia, Phillip, and her mom. You could’ve done more “showing” instead of “telling” for her dad, brother, and Tommy.



Orginality: 10/10 ~ I want to give you 20 out of 10 for this because your story is so unique! The element of recurring dreams have always been present in a lot of different stories but the way you told the story and the unexpected turns in it made the whole thing really enjoyable to read.



Writing style: 8/10 ~ Your paragraph format was very good and the layout was okay, I don’t understand what the (#) in the beginning of each “scene” was for though. Was it supposed to indicate that a new scene had begun? If so, you should’ve used smooth transitional sentences to indicate a change in scene instead of numbers…that was weird.



Overall enjoyment: 9/10 ~ I loved the plot, characters, and your writing style. Fix the grammatical errors and it will add so much more to the story!



Overall score: 91/100