Letting Go by `shinee

Author: `shinee
Story Title: Letting Go
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/SHINeeO1
Reviewer: DarkAngel | lostshadows.co.nr

Title: 5/5

-Just by looking at the title you can judge it's going to be an angst story! It goes along with the story and tells a lot.


Poster/Background: 10/10

-Beautiful poster and beautiful background! It gives off a relaxing vibe. I love it! The poster is so neatly designed, and the colors blend in together really well! It looks peaceful, yet sad at the same time. Reading the text is easy too. Full points!


Forewords: 5/5

-Nice preview! It got me interested and into the mellow mode already. It looks about the right length- not too long and not too short.


Plot: 15/15

-Usually, I wouldn't be reading stories like this. I would just stick to happy or suspenseful ones. This got me interested in the angst genre. I haven't seen an angst fanfic like this before. The plot is slightly different from others. It made me cry while reading it, and I love the song. It's also a nice way to express the feeling and emotions.


Flow: 10/10

-It had a nice flow to it. The pace wasn't too fast, nor too slow. It was just right! The flashback fitted in perfectly.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15

-I didn't spot any spelling or grammar errors. Your vocabulary was broad enough. You sure do a good job at editing! Either that, or you don't make mistakes when typing.


Characterization: 9/10

-Like I said earlier, you showed the characters' emotions well. Music is a great way to express one's feelings. It's also very popular. However, I was kind of hoping for a different point of view.


Originality: 10/10

-It's as original as it can get. It isn't a complete copy of other plots because you changed things up a bit. How much more different can it get?


Writing style: 9/10

-I don't really like reading huge paragraphs. It looks kind of messy and unorganized, but it's fine. Other than that, the format looks neat enough.


Overall enjoyment: 9/10

-It was pretty good, I admit, but there's something I wished that could have been added. I don't know exactly what it is, but I just have this strange feeling!


Overall score: 97/100

*This is one of the highest scores I have ever given. Be grateful XD LOL Just kidding

And You Thought One Lie Couldn't Hurt by Susan Lee

Author: Susan Lee
Story Title: And You Thought One Lie Couldn't Hurt
Story URL: http://www.2oneday.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=21137
Reviewer: DarkAngel | lostshadows.co.nr

*Even though it shows up as complete, I can only read up to chapter 14. Did you delete it, because I can’t access it.


Title: 5/5

-The title was interesting. It caught my eye, and I could tell that it wasn’t going to be one of those “happy” stories. It’s a little long for my liking, but it suits the story well.


Poster/Background: 7/10

-The poster looks really nice! There’s a sad touch to it. The blends of colors really mix together good, and the character pictures just top it off. The text is nice and easy to read too. Because there is no background, I have to deduct some points off.


Forewords: 4/5

-That was a very nice preview! It was really sad, and it put me in one of those ‘moods’ as they call it. You introduced us to Yoobin’s personality and thoughts, so kudos for that, but I think that you could have added an introduction of the other characters. Other than that, it was good!


Plot: 15/15

-It’s really good so far! You keep adding twists, and keep the audience wanting more! I barely know what’s going to happen since you always add different things! It’s always interesting, and I can’t tear my eyes off for one second :) It’s exciting and suspenseful to know what’s going to happen next.


Flow: 10/10

-The flow was good. It wasn’t too fast, nor was it too slow. From the beginning, to the end, the events all flow together well. Nothing seems out of place. Each event is important to the story as it progresses.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15

-I only spotted one or two mistakes. You either check over your writing, or don’t make many mistakes. Kudos for that!


Characterization: 10/10

-As the story went on, I found myself liking the characters- even Jessica! The way Yoobin began to change was smooth, along with the other main characters. Taecyeon likes her again, but Jay is the only one that I’m sad about. It’s interesting to see how they react to the upcoming events. Unlike many other fanfiction stories, the plot isn’t realistic. This, however, can be imagined in real life.


Originality: 9/10

-The rivalry and blackmailing is seen often, but the others are unique. I would have never guessed how Jay figured out that Yoobin really didn’t slap Jessica. Keep it up, and your readers will be rooting for more!


Writing style: 10/10

-I really don’t have a problem with your writing style! You write complete sentences, and create full paragraphs. The spacing is fine, and the format looks neat and clean!


Overall enjoyment: 10/10

-I really enjoyed every minute of it! It was interesting to read, and I wish I can read more! Full points for ‘overall enjoyment’!


Overall score: 94/100

Jagiya, I love you by estee

Author: estee
Story Title: Jagiya, I love you
Story URL: winglin.net/fanfic/estee6
Reviewer: DarkAngel | lostshadows.co.nr

Title: 3/5
-It's not very creative or eye-catching, but you can tell it's going to be a sweet story. The length is fine- not too long and not too short. Plus, it fits the story!

Poster/Background: 8/10
-It's cute, but kind of plain. The background is okay, I guess. I thought you could have done something more with the poster. It looks kind of boring, but at the same time, it's cute.

Forewords: 2/5
-There isn't much information and it seems short. You could have included a small description of the characters featured in your story, or written a small summary about it to let the readers see what it's about. On the bright side, I think it looks neat. I never would have thought of the main girl's name to be just a scrambled mix up of Xiah.

Plot: 14/15
-I love it! It was so sweet! Normally, I don't read these kind of stories and this is the first, but it's so good! The way they show affection for each other is so cute, and it's realistic unlike some other events that are usually mentioned . I love the way Xiah and Ahxi seem so happy and sweet together. I was smiling the whole way, and almost cried when he proposed to her.

Flow: 10/10
-Full points! The flow was perfect. It wasn't slow, nor was it fast. The flashback was a great touch.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15
-I didn't see any mistakes. I don't know if it was because of my bad eye sight, or it was because you didn't make any, but I didn't see any. There weren't repeats of the same words again, and it was smooth. Your vocabulary is fine too.

Characterization: 10/10
-I could see the way they love each other very much, and it was so heartwarming! You explained them very well. Xiah and Ahxi really do go together well. It's nice to see a happy couple such as them.

Originality: 10/10
-I've never actually read a oneshot like this before. When I read one, it's usually about someone having a disease and death, but this was the complete opposite. It had a peppy atmosphere, and the date was nice. The proposal was sweet, and the characters were loving. Nice work.

Writing style: 10/10
-I really don't have a problem with you writing style. It looks professional and neat. Your spacing is fine, and you write complete sentences. Good job!

Overall enjoyment: 10/10
-I love it so much! I'm still smiling because of it :) It's just so heartwarming! I wish it happened to me, which is kind of strange to hear from a kid. Anyways, it's just lovely, and I hope you write another one. Fighting~!

Overall score: 92/100

For A Moment by Ryeona Park

Title: For A Moment
Author: Ryeona Park
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/PRNmoment
Reviewed by: Dark Angel @ Lost Shadows

Title: 5/5

-At first glance, your title captured my attention. It was interesting, and just those three words told a lot about the story. Good choice for a title.

Poster/Background: 9/10

-The poster is great, I can tell you that. The only change I'd make to it is the font. It's hard to read, but other than that it looks fantastic! The background matches with the story, and the blue clashes well. It's a nice, sad blend of colors to go along with a great story.

Forewords: 4/5

-That was a nice preview, but it didn't tell us much about the characters' personalities. I also thought you could have added more to the forewords. It looked too short. Besides the poster credits and summary, there wasn't anything else. A little introduction of the characters would probably help the reader understand them before reading in order to get a better understanding.

Plot: 14/15

-It's a sad, sweet story. The plot is nice, and the angels are a nice touch. I know this story line has been used many times before, but there's just a special touch to this one. It's really nice, and touching at the same time. I loved the ending!

Flow: 10/10

-The flow is perfect for me! The story was at a good pace- not too fast and not too slow. Nice job!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15

-There were places where you added a comma in the wrong place and vice versa. I didn't spot any spelling errors, and your vocabulary was great! There were no repeats except for "The Third Angel", "The First Angel" and so and so. Other than that, there wasn't much of a grammatical problem here.

Characterization: 8/10
-I honestly could have though you should include more of their past and feelings. SeoHyun wasn't exactly described as well. The simple details were featured, which is good. I just thought you could be more deep with their emotions.

Originality: 8/10

-The Dimension of Miracles was creative, I can tell you that. You don't see that around nowadays. The sickness, however, is often mentioned in stories. It's because of a disease that the two main characters get close in a sad one-shot. I really liked the fake world and angels though!

Writing style: 8/10

-Your paragraphs were too big, in my opinion. If you shorten it, it will look more professional and neat. It may be because I like reading short paragraphs than longer ones, but it looks better. It's easier to read. Other than that, there was nothing wrong with your one-shot!

Overall enjoyment: 8/10
-Like I said before, the long paragraphs were a little irritating for me to look at. That took my interest away slightly.

Overall score: 87/100

Need You Now by hellome

Author: hellome

Story Title: Need You Now

Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/needyounow

Reviewer: mg6991 | lostshadows.co.nr

Title: 3/5

-Your title was nice but it looks like it’s a common title to me, no offense.

Poster/Background: 9/10

-I LOVE YOUR POSTER. :D

Forewords: 2/5

-Even though it’s a one-shot and your characters are fictional, you should still put on a summary of your story. Your forewords section looks so blank and it shouldn’t be like that. That section gives you an opportunity to introduce your characters and your story well even if your story is a one-shot, a short story or whatever.

Plot: 12/15

-I kind of understand your plot at first but in my opinion, it’s kind of hard to understand. A one-shot is supposed to be like a summary of the whole story. But it looks like you just cutted out some parts of your whole story.

Flow: 8/10

-Your flow was awesome actually. But you just have to sometimes explain some scenes a bit more.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15

-I salute you for your perfect grammar. I sometimes can’t even think words like that.

Characterization: 7/10

-In my opinion, it would have been much better if you gave names to your characters. It gives off a feeling that there’s something missing.

Originality: 10/10

- It’s my first time reading a story like yours. Nice one!

Writing style: 10/10

- I adore how you write. Your writing style is one of the bests that I have seen.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10

Overall score: 84/100

-In my opinion, your writing style is best suited for short stories. But nevertheless, keep up the great work!

It was you all along by iheartsj01

Author: iheartsj01
Story Name: It was you all along
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/iheartsj01/
Reviewer: myangelteuk/Airah

Title: 2.5/5
The title really isn’t eye catching but fits your story well. Also, capitalize you title like this, ‘It Was You All Along’.

Poster/Background: 10/10
At first I was wondering why Kyuhyun and Yoona was there but then in the story, it explains that Yoona is Leeteuk’s girlfriend (in the beginning) and Kyuhyun is the guy she fell in love with at first sight.

Forewords: 5/5
You got everything that is needed. But also, add at least an bit of information about the characters so we would know what to expect. Or just say that you can’t reveal anything about them yet.

Plot: 15/15
I really like the plot. Same as others but you add your own twists into it.

Flow: 10/10
Nice and steady. Neither fast or slow.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/15
I know it’s a low score but you do have to understand. You said in the extras that you’re going to have some English errors and yes, you do. Some of the errors would be that you sometimes don’t capitalize the beginning of sentences. I would give you an example but it’s almost everywhere. You spell things wrong.You also don’t capitalize the beginning of the dialogues and you forget the commas at the end of what they are saying.
For example:

[Original Dialogue]

" yah, just remember - don't tell this to anyone at school tomorrow okay ? im usually not like this to people " he said patting my head .

{Corrected Dialogue}

“Yah, just remember - don’t tell this to anyone at school tomorrow, okay? I’m usually not like this to people,” he said, patting my head.

Another problem would be the spelling errors. Two of the words that you commonly spell wrong would be:
*Thingking
*tought

By the looks of how you spell, you sound it out? Thinking is spelled this way. It’s like when you say ‘think’. All you have to do is add ‘-ing’ at the end.

Thought is spelled like this. But you are close. One other thing, if you spell thought the way you spell it, when you spell though, it might end up as tough. Also, hurt is already a past tense, so there is no need to add “-ed” at the end.

Characterization: 6/10
I think that if the character had a name, it would give off more than if the character’s name is ~~~~~.

Originality: 10/10
I think that this is quite original. Yet, similar to other fanfics. I didn’t take any points off because I think that it’s THAT original.

Writing style: 6/10
The writing style is understandable but I think instead of putting links in the middle of the story, you should either, describe it or put the links at the end so it doesn’t make the story look crappy. (Excuse my language). Also, don’t put too much exclamation mark and question marks because like I said, it makes it look crappy. But do put it where necessary. Another thing, you put this >.> at the end of the sentence, and it makes it look messy. At least describe what >.> is, but if its like a text, then it’s fine but if it isn’t, explain. Also, if you want to explain something, instead of putting an A/N note in the middle of the story, same with the links, put it at the end of the chapter.

Overall enjoyment: 10/10
I have to say, I enjoyed it because as you can tell, my name is myangelteuk so I am an Leeteuk fan! I agree that there aren’t many Leeteuk fics. I have to say, this is a good story! I’m going to subscribe to it so I can read more!! Hwaiting!

Overall score: 82.5/100

*This is just a review. It is not meant to criticize you. But if it did in anyway, I apologize.*

The Love Bus by kanhosa301

Title: The Love Bus
Author: kanhosa301
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/kanhosa304
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows

*My deepest apologies for this being so late. Life caught up with me on many occasions, and I had neither the time nor the heart to do much of anything, really. I hope you understand. And now, on with the review!*

Title: 3/5
Although it’s cute, and it fits the story, I’m fairly certain you could have come up with a much more creative title.

Poster/Background: 7/10
As with what I said above, it’s cute and it fits, but a) you can be way more creative with the poster overall, and b) there are no credentials. I assume you made this, but at least put something that says so. If you didn’t make this, shame on you for not crediting the artist. It’s a lovely drawing, but none of the characters are featured in it.

Forewords: 2/5
A few sentences explaining your story certainly didn’t catch my interest. A reader wants to be pulled into the story. I was not pulled. Maybe add a little bit, like how old everyone is…what they look like, even…or where everything takes place.

Plot: 12/15
Things happened way too fast between Yunho and Cherry, but more of that is below. I really felt for Doo Joon; he had unrequited love for his best friend. I’ve seen that with some of my own friends, and it really tore them apart. That’s why I was surprised Cherry didn’t decide to be Doo Joon’s girlfriend. I thought for sure that would happen…oh, well.

Flow: 9/10
Only thing I had against the flow was the fact that Yunho and Cherry seemed to fall in love with each other way too fast; they met in a day and wham? Ha, I wish people could fall in love that quickly! I would mention more on that subject but I don’t think you’d want to know about your reviewer’s love life…LOL!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
You’re spelling was okay, and you have a decently sized vocabulary. The only problems lied with grammar and with tenses. Remember: “you’re” is a contraction, shortening “you are.” “Your” is a possessive, meaning to show ownership. Oh, and use “on” correctly; there were several times you should have used “at” or “in” instead of “on.” Sorry if this isn’t making much sense to you, haha. I just say it like it is and hope that you understand what I mean.

Characterization: 6/10
To me, the characters seemed underdeveloped. Yunho came off more stalker-ish than I first thought. Out of nowhere, he decides that he loves this girl after going on one date with her? Cherry does the same, too. Doo Joon had the most development, kinda; he harbored feelings toward his best friend, and his love seems more legit than the “love” Cherry feels for Yunho, who she literally just met. This really should have been turned into a short story, maybe three or four chapters.

Originality: 7/10
The only thing slightly original about this is that the main character didn’t end up with the best friend, which is usually what happens in romantic comedies, no?

Writing style: 8/10
Seeing as how I’m a writer of long paragraphs, I didn’t mind the length so much. However, it seemed like you tried to squeeze a potential story into a one-shot. Also, when two different people are talking or thinking, separate into different lines. Cherry’s thoughts should really go onto a line by themselves unless she’s the one speaking.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it. If you had gone into deeper detail and development, it would be better. You did good, though. Good luck with all your future stories!

Overall score: 72/100

Bonus: 2/5
Okay, even though the scoring rubric doesn’t go this way, I still had to give bonus points for Cherry having a best friend named Hazel. In a book I hope to publish one day, I have a character named Hazel! I was hit with some pleasant irony while reading this, haha!

Total: 74/100

Do you love me or my twin sister? by **princess**

Author: **princess**
Story Name: Do you love me or my twin sister?
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/darksidejj_3/
Reviewer: Airah

Title: 3.5/5
The title fits the story but it’s not very eye-catching. Also, capitalize the title; Do You Love Me Or My Twin Sister? But sometimes, titles don’t have to be capitalized. Another thing, the title is pretty long.

Poster/Background: 9.5/10
The poster and background looks nice but there is something with the poster. It says: It's hard to let go the one you love...but it's hard to love a person when you know he only see you as the girl that he once's love..

It’s supposed to be:
It’s hard to let go of the one you love..but it’s hard to love a person when you know he only sees you as the girl he once loved.

I saw that you changed the poster but I’m still keeping the score the same. Also, it’s kind of hard to see when your sentences are long and Eun Hye’s face sometimes covers the words.

Forewords: 5/5
It included important things such as the plot, and characters. But you also have a OST for the story which is nice.

Plot: 15/15
I like the plot a lot. It’s quite different from some other stories.

Flow: 10/10
Not too slow or fast.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/15
From the first chapter, I’ve been thinking that English isn’t your first language because either you’re just forgetting some letters like ‘s’ on some of the words like on your foreword it says, Twin sister. That should be twin sisters. Also you’re sometimes getting there and their mixed up. Also babys. It should be babies. There are more but I don’t want to put you down by listing all of them.

Characterization: 10/10
I don’t like ~~~~~ fics. I really prefer fictional characters but it’s your story. Fictional characters give off more life rather than ~~~~~~ characters.

Originality: 8/10
Like I said, it’s different but not original. I’ve read some fanfics that are like this. But different is good because sometimes it can be original.

Writing style: 7/10
The way you write is fine but sometimes putting something like *giggles* in the middle of the sentence makes it look messy. Instead of doing that you could put ‘she giggled.’ Or something like that.

Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Love it!! Thanks for a great fic! I’ll keep reading because I think I know who the woman is.

\Overall score: 88/100

My own rose by rekan

Title: My own rose
Author: rekan
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Rekan/
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ Lost Shadows
[www.lostshadows.co.nr]

Title: 4/5
Your title that you had chosen for you story was suitable for the story but does not catch attention to readers.

Poster/Background: -/10
No poster was provided.

Forewords: 1/5
You had your necessary information and that was it, nothing other than that. No character descriptions, summary, previews or anything. You have to have the things I listed above to get an average mark or above.

Plot: 11/15
There wasn’t an exact plot but what you had was good although it was a bit too short. I didn’t really understand because you didn’t state who’s point of view it was under, all I knew was that it’s about YunJae.

Flow: 8/10
Since it’s short, it was okay. I really can’t say much here.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
You had used a quite a large range of words. Not too large as your one shot was short and since you weren’t writing a chaptered story, it’s fairly hard to mark your story. The mark I gave you was based on the first chapter.

Characterization: 7/10
You did give some good descriptions on some things but not on the characters so I deducted a few marks because of that.

Originality: 8/10
It’s not all that original but is creative.

Writing style: 8/10
I liked it. It was neat, understandable and readable. Again, your one shot was short so I really can’t mark it.

Overall enjoyment: 6/10

Overall score: 66/90
Once again, it’s short so I really can’t review much. Thanks for requesting at Lost Shadows!

It’s Not As Cool As It Seems by Asian_Innocence

Title: It’s Not As Cool As It Seems
Author: Asian_Innocence
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Asian_Innocence
Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ Lost Shadows
[lostshadows.co.nr]

Title: 4/5
The title though is long but does suit the story. It’s not really eye catching but is alright for a title. I actually like the title as it does explain the whole story without telling much but saying that ‘it’s not as cool as it seems’ is a very good title for your story.

Poster/Background: 9/10
I liked your poster; it’s pretty simple and included the things that were needed in a usual poster. Background was great, no problems for me. Teriyaki18 did a pretty good job overall.

Forewords: 3/5
Your forewords were written well since it is your first foreword and story that you have written on Winglin. You did include a summary and a character description which was a good start. Most reviewers including me do not prefer writers listing the things of a character using a list. Using sentences would be great, it’s just much better than using dot points. I did spot some grammar mistakes which is why I had to deduct a mark off.

Plot: 12/15
Your plot is just fantastic. It may not be one of the most plots but I absolutely loved it. It thing I like it is it’s mostly realistic unlike most fanfics out there which are oh so perfect and just will never happen to me no matter how hard I try. Just the part that Chomin being Yunho’s cousin is just..unrealistic but that really doesn’t matter. The events that happened such as Chomin losing her purse, getting caught by the security officers and others are the ones I really like because they were ‘realistic’.

Flow: 10/10
The flow of the whole story was perfect; you didn’t rush or drag it. It was just perfect. Many people seem to tend rush the intro but I’m glad you didn’t. Everything worked out fine.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
Wow, you used a very wide range of vocabulary in your story. You did have a few spelling and grammar mistakes here and there but they weren’t very noticeable so it’s fine. Nothing was that big to be listed since you did re-read a few chapters. Good job.

Characterization: 9/10
I understood the characters fairly well as you did include quite a lot of details in your story. You had great characterizations in your story as to explaining the characters, objects or just small things. Everything flowed well, the feelings of each person, their actions and other things were nicely flowed and made the story even better. I could imagine the scenes in my head so well. Very well done here.

Originality: 9/10
It is original as the storyline is based on realistic things that can be able to happen to you. Although Chomin being Yunho’s cousin isn’t really original, other things were. I did deduct one mark because of that.

Writing style: 10/10
I absolutely loved it. I can tell straightaway that you did put in effort in your writing. Your writing style is just perfect for me; it’s enjoyed, understandable and lastly neat. No criticism here, just love it. How you wrote your story just really makes the reader asking for more. That’ll lead to more readers and other good things. Although each chapter was very long it doesn’t really matter. Great job, full points.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10
I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed reading your story. I’m also a fan of DBSK and besides that your trailer was great. Glad I’m able to read this story of yours.

Overall score: 87/100

Great job! I’m a strict reviewer so that’s a high mark. Good luck on your future fanfics!

5 Sexy Guys Loves 1 Ugly Me?! by Airah

Author: Airah
Story Title: 5 Sexy Guys Loves 1 Ugly Me?!
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/five_lovers/
Reviewer: DarkAngel

Title: 4/5

-I personally think your title is too long. Maybe you can find a shorter title that fits your story. Other than that, it matches your story a lot.


Poster/Background: 8.5/10

-Your poster is nice. I like the combination of colors and the guys look really cute XD. The background, however, didn’t really have the same effect on me. I thought you could have done something more to the BG. And for the text, it was hard to read occassionally because of the pictures, but other than that, it was fine.


Forewords: 3.5/5

-You could have included a little introduction for each character to let the reader know what each was like. The preview was good; it got me interested! But even with the characters’ names and the preview, it looks too short. You should add some things to make it longer.


Plot: 10/15

-First off, I would like to say that you lost me starting from the 2nd chapter. It got confusing and it took me a while to catch up. I also don’t get the bathroom part in chapter 3. I suggest you elaporate more. Also, this plot isn’t exactly “creative” or “unique”. I’ve seen this plot many times. You should add more of a twist in your story to make it more interesting to read.


Flow: 7/10

-Like I said earlier, you should explain more. Other than that, your pace is fine.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15

You need to proof-read after you finish your story. Two things you need to work on are to change past tense to present, add commas, make longer sentences, and capitalize only names and the first letter in a sentence. Here are some examples:

Incorrect: "Oh yeah. But still,I hate people who act like that." He said. I nod in agreement.

Correct: "Oh yeah. But still, I hate people who act like that," he says. I nod in agreement.

***

Incorrect: As soon as he step into the room a hand pulls him out.

Correct: As soon as he steps into the room, a hand pulls him out.

***

Incorrect: My good mood suddenly turned real bad.

Correct: My good mood suddenly turns really bad.

***

Incorrect: "Just so you know, even though I did the work doesn't mean its right. I just compared it with my work from before, and guess what?" He says.

Correct: “Just so you know, even though I did the work doesn’t mean it’s right. I just compare it with my work from before, and guess what?” he says.

***

Incorrect: I see Sae Rok. I decided to say hi. But standing from here, she wouldn't really be able to hear me so instead I just wave. I see that she waved back.

Correct: I see Sae Rok. I decide to say hi, but standing from here, she wouldn’t really be able to hear me, so instead I just wave. I see that she waves back.



Hope that helps!


Characterization: 7/10

-I didn’t really get the beginning because the characters kept changing their personality. Does Sae Rok hate Yoochun, or are they still friends? He seems to worry about her (like more main guys worry about their girl).


Originality: 7/10

-I have to say, this plot wasn’t really original. But some things included in the chapters were stuff I’ve never seen before. You didn’t exactly add a twist, but you added something I haven’t seen before.


Writing style: 9/10

-One small thing that bothered me was the lack of paragraphs in the story. By adding paragraphs, it makes the format look more professional. Other than that, I have no problems with it whatsoever.


Overall enjoyment: 10/10

-If I wasn’t reviewing this story, I would be more relaxed. I actually like it very much! You have a great sense of humor. But since I’m a reviewer, I have to do my job. Still, great job with the story!


Overall score: 78/100

Eye of Raven by Pararae

Author: Pararae
Story Title: Eye of Raven
Story URL: http://peaceful-pandemonium.blogspot.com/2010/04/eye-of-raven.html
Reviewer: DarkAngel

Title: 5/5

-Very creative! Your title sounds really interesting and it captured my attention. What I expected was completely wrong. “Eye of Raven” sounds dangerous and daring- just like assassins.


Poster/Background: 7/10

-You didn’t exactly have a poster, but the banner looks really nice. I can’t give you a 10 since you don’t have a poster, but the flower is pretty. There wasn’t much of a background, but black suits the story.



Forewords: 5/5

-I will count the introduction part as the forewords. Your definition for each word was unique and different from what I would think. You also included the genre, background information, and the characters’ names. Though you had all of that, I think it would be better if you told us a little bit more about the characters just to let the reader know about them beforehand.


Plot: 13/15

-Your plot was unique and different, but I’ve read many stories involving assassins before. It’s a good touch, but it’s already been used several times already. The mission was very creative! I would have never thought Mimie would have the H.K. tattoo! You twisted the story and made it your own way. That’s what a great writer does.


Flow: 10/10

-The flow was perfect! It wasn’t too fast or too slow. The fighting part was better than I expected! Most of the time, it would be difficult to create a good paced fighting scene, but you did it! Good job!


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15

-Your vocabulary was amazing! I have NEVER seen anyone with a big vocabulary as you. There were some words that I haven’t even seen or heard of! Your spelling and grammar was also perfect. There were only a few mistakes, but they were uncommon.


Characterization: 8/10

-I was lost near the middle. The characters were easy to understand, but I had to say, they had common personas. I’d suggest you add more of a twist to your characters’ personality, fate, and past.


Originality: 8/10

-Assassins are seen in many movies and stories. The surprising part was Mimie. I still think you can add a little “something” in there.


Writing style: 10/10

-I don’t really have a problem with your writing style. It’s perfect just the way it is!


Overall enjoyment: 8.5/10

-Like I mentioned earlier, I was got confused when I reached the middle of the first part. I guess it’s just my way of thinking, but it’s frustrating when you get mixed up.


Overall score: 87.5/100

*Sorry for the long wait! I admit- I got a little lazy, but it was a pretty good story! Keep up the good work!

When Two Different Worlds Collide by arlean19

Author: arlean19
Story Title : When Two Different Worlds Collide
Story URL: www.winglin.net/fanfic/arlean19
Reviewer: mg6991

Title: 3/5

-Your title was good, but I really didn’t see its connection to your plot.

Poster/Background: 6/10

-Your poster wasn’t really good, no offense but I rather see you use another picture.

Forewords: 3/5

-Your Forewords was alright, but it’s like your already telling them what’s going to happen. It’s not like that. The Forewords section is used to write a short summary of the story and of your characters. You really shouldn’t tell them what’s going to happen.

Plot: 10/15

-Your plot was very simple and very common. I’ve seen many plots like this.

Flow: 6/10

- I really couldn’t understand your flow. Your events in one chapter are going too fast. You should describe those certain events more. I was always left hanging after an event had happened.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15

-You’re using too much “…” or “!!” or “??”. Only one of these can be used to express a certain feeling.

Characterization: 8/10

-You described the main characters well enough even though the others weren’t.

Originality: 5/10

-Just like what I said in the plot section, it was too common.

Writing style: 8/10

-You started the contents of your chapters to be very short. And then it suddenly became long. You should really maintain only one length on how long or short it should be.

Overall enjoyment: 6/10

-I really didn’t enjoy it much. Sorry!

Overall score: 68/100

Trust by ava_lava

Author: ava_lava
Story Title : Trust
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ava_lava2/
Reviewer: mg6991

Title: 3/5

-Your title was too simple. It can’t attract the eyes of the readers. But nevertheless, it has a connection to your plot.

Poster/Background: 10/10

-I love your poster! It’s nicely done!

Forewords: 3/5

-Your forewords were a bit long. You put only a short summary of your plot and your characters in the Forewords. But it seems that you have already given your readers a small preview.

Plot: 15/15

-I love your plot! It seems like its pretty simple at first sight, but when you read its chapters, it’s actually unique!!

Flow: 8/10

-I can’t understand your flow sometimes. The part where Jae fell in love with Yunho was a bit fast. But there were some parts in where in seems a bit rushed. You should maintain an average pace. Not too fast, not too slow.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 15/15

-You have perfect grammar! Wow! I sometimes don’t get on why you have to use ‘Yah’. But its good.

Characterization: 9/10

-You described Jae and Yunho very well. But it seems that your characterization of Junsu and Yoochun isn’t a bit good. But it’s fine, nevertheless.

Originality: 10/10

-I haven’t seen any stories like yours! Great work!

Writing style: 10/10

-I just love how you write. Keep up the good work!

Overall enjoyment: 8/10

Overall score: 91/100

-That’s pretty high!! Keep doing your best!

Things Chansung Hates by Jtoasn

Title: Things Chansung Hates

Author: Jtoasn

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/tch/

Reviewer: dramafreak4eva @ Lost Shadows [lostshadows.co.nr]


Title: 2/5

The title wasn’t that appealing and it also did not relate to your story. When I first received the request, I had thought it would be about the things that Chansung hate but unfortunately, it didn’t turned out to be what I had thought.


Poster/Background: -/10

No poster or background was provided.


Forewords: 3/5

The forewords did include all of the necessary information that was needed. The plot summary needed to be clearer though. It was about how Chansung hated.. the smell of Jay, instead you stated that it was about the things that Chansung hated. You needed more detail for readers to show interest in the story.


Plot: 13/15

There wasn’t exactly a plot in the end; but it turned out to be one. It was a very interesting plot to read as you made the shirt and smell link to Jay’s departure. You really did make the story fascinating for readers to keep reading on. Great job.


Flow: 7/10

It was all good until the part where Chansung started to like Jay. Until there, it was a bit rushed. Other than that, it was pretty good overall. There’s nothing much else to say.


Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 15/15

I didn’t find any errors in your grammar or vocabulary.


Characterization: 6/10

I didn’t really understand Chansung and only knew that he hates the smell of Jay and then suddenly likes him and wishes that he didn’t leave 2PM. That’s all I knew about Chansung. You needed to have more background information and details about him. You could’ve at least added a few character descriptions in the forewords.


Orginality: 9/10

It’s original as I haven’t seen any other story like yours, writing like this. I like it.


Writing style: 9/10

Your writing style is very easy to read and understand. I deduced one mark because I felt your oneshot was just way too short.


Overall enjoyment: 9/10



Overall score: 73/90

The Edge of Sanity by Jian You

Title: The Edge of Sanity
Author: Jian You
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/jianyou2/
Reviewed by: ShadowYin | lostshadows.co.nr
SYNote: I'm so sorry about your long wait. *bows*

Title: 5/5
I like it. It’s unique. Matched the fanfic really well, which actually surprised me…somehow.

Poster/Background: 7/10
One of the creepiest posters around. The background was a bit distracting in my opinion, it really made it difficult to read. The poster really prepared the readers for what was going to happen. But yes, the poster contained quite a few elements? It looked creepy, but the images look a bit too depressing? Think the poster should be darker since this is one of the ‘darkest’ stories I’ve read.

Forewords: 2.5/5
Not that great. Gave a really cliché impression to the fanfic. Didn’t like how you listed about the traits of the characters, and since there aren't so many things about them, why didn’t you just put it in sentences?
If I read that, I wouldn’t want to read on, sorry.

Plot: 15/15
Loved it! Really shocked me.

Flow: 8/10
Your flow worked perfectly since the character was obviously insane. However at the part where you wrote:
He kicks the dirt off his shoes onto the mat. He throws off his trench coat and tosses it on the hook. He sets his briefcase down softly.

I didn’t think the listing of sentences were effective. I think you should’ve just described things normally in a few sections just to show your versatility in writing. Although I can see that short sentences worked perfectly in the characterization of the ‘you’ character.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 11/15
Lots of minor mistakes.

You wrote:
her's (should be HERS)

You wrote:
…louder and louder each syllable (I think you meant ‘louder and louder AFTER each syllable’.)

You wrote:
The mock (THEY mock)

You wrote:
…blue throw pillow (‘blue pillow’ would do.)

You wrote:
…feeling seven swipe (…feeling with seven wipes…)

You wrote:
Is is my birthday (Is IT my birthday)

You wrote:
…but not enough to the point the become unconscious… (…but not enough to the point THEY become unconscious)


Characterization: 10/10
Speechless. Your characterization was brilliant.

Originality: 10/10
Original, I say no more. It’s often that we hear stories about the insane people and murderers. However, you’ve really explored into the mind of the insane, I’m really impressed.

Writing style: 7/10
I didn’t like it as much. Since it was written in ‘you’ format, it was like everything was a command. Like…’you do this do that’.

I would’ve personally have preferred it if you wrote it in the past tense and in first person instead.

Overall enjoyment: 7.5/10
You blew me away with your originality.

Overall score: 83/100

Rather by RAINxclouds

Title: Rather
Author: RAINxclouds
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/RATHER__
Reviewed by: ShadowYin | lostshadows.co.nr
SYNote: I actually read this fanfic before. Sorry for the long wait, its cause the original reviewer wasn’t able to complete your review. *bows 10032192 times*

Title: 4/5
Unique, short related I like it. However, I know you linked the title in your forwards already, but I would’ve liked it to read it at the end again to emphasize why you chose ‘Rather’ as your title.

Poster/Background: 8/10
It’s cool but the poster wouldn’t really make me interested in your fanfic as much as your title. I mean, the colours are dull but it doesn’t really seem sad to me. I don’t know…personal opinion.

Forewords: 4/5
Loved the forewords. It was short and caught the readers’ interest. Well done! However, half a point taken away because I believe there were some unnecessary comas involved and another half a point taken away because it was a bit too short for my liking. Once again it’s personal opinion. I loved that song ever since reading your fanfic btw.

Plot: 12/15
Your plot…I’m pretty sure that there are a lot of plots out there similar to yours but your fanfic really seems special. Some of the descriptions you included really pulled your marks up in this section.
Two points are taken away, because it was quite confusing when there were other fictionals involved. I was somehow lost as to who likes who, also I didn’t think they were that important to include in a one-shot especially when you only wrote a few short sentences about them.
Other than that, I loved your plot.
It felt really unique and special even though the idea of ‘ghosts’ are quite overused now.

Finally, I thought your plot wasn’t really that well thought out. Probably due to some of the constant snappy sentences which made your fanfic appear in a more of a script form of writing. However, overall it was a fantastic plot.

Flow: 6.5/10
When you reached the dialogue, it was like one short sentence after another. Try to expand on it a little bit more?
If you reduced the amount of short sentences it might’ve helped the flow of your story.
Some parts, I would’ve liked to read more about like their feelings and reactions. Some parts were done perfectly, whilst I thought some sections were lacking a bit of description.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15
Some unnecessary comas involved here and there. Some typos, and some weird sentences. Minor errors which could’ve been spotted by proof reading.

You wrote:
Noice (I think you meant noise.)
Wer (I think you meant were)
Dove (I’m pretty sure, a dove is a bird. I think you meant ‘dived’)

You wrote:
They sat surrounded in bags – (They sat SURROUNDING THE bags…)
She let her bare feet dangle off the cliff walls and she stared – (no need for another ‘she’ in the sentence. ‘…and stared…’ would do fine.

You had great vocabulary, but I still thought it would be better if you varied your connectives. A lot of ‘and’ throughout. I didn’t find anything wrong with you using them because they were effective. However you haven’t shown me the use of other connectives which allows your writing to look more sophisticated.

Characterization: 7/10
Understood the characters really well, but like I said, some of the other characters got me confused, especially the love web going on. If you had included more description on the characters, I’m sure you would’ve gotten more marks in this section.

Your characterization for some characters were great, you just need to be more consistent with your descriptions.

Originality: 8.5/10
You’ve convinced me that it’s original. Falling asleep then getting drowned…Don’t really see that often on winglin.

However, one mark taken away because you included the love web. I didn’t mind Jaemin, I thought she was a crucial character but the other original characters felt like they were just placed there like all the other winglin fanfics. Also, when you were trying to explain that they were heartbroken…I wasn’t really convinced. I think to be a little bit more original just throw in more description about the other characters, just to convince me that this isn’t like the other winglin ‘heartbroken’ fanfics. The description doesn’t have to be as long as your main characters, but just briefly to tell the readers that this is your work and you know what you’re talking about.

Writing style: 7.5/10
You didn’t write in paragraphs, but that’s fine. I would’ve thought paragraphs may have helped with the flow, but its fine. It’s simple and easy to understand. Love your descriptions, but when you started writing short sentences, there was a whole stack of them. Try to mix them a little bit?

Also, PLEASE use more varied connectives; it makes the writing slightly better and shows me that your vocabulary is good.

I had to admit, I was confused at the part where you were doing a flashback describing how Yunni died. I remember the first time when I read it; I thought it was just out of the blue. It was all a bit too sudden and I wasn’t sure what was going on. It’s a unique way of illustrating a flashback, but I think putting ‘FLASHBACK’ at the top would’ve helped.

Overall enjoyment: 8.5/10
I enjoyed it a lot. It’s one of those one-shots which would stick with me for a long time. Regardless of what I said above which I hope would help you to improve in future, I regard you as a very talented writer. The 1.5 is taken off because I believe your plot could’ve been even better.

Overall score: 78/100

I really hope to read more fanfics from you in future ^^

Apple and Cinnamon by Darkess

Title: Apple and Cinnamon
Author: Darkess
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/cinnamonapple/
Reviewed by: hanichan32319 @ Lost Shadows

**This review is a few months overdue, and I apologize deeply for being so late with it. Life just caught up with me. :-/**

Title: 4/5
You made me CRAVE Apple Jacks after reading that, honey. XD It was a very different title, and it really caught my interest.

Poster/Background: 9/10
Your poster looked amazing! The colors reminded me of the outside and inside of a delicious apple. It wasn’t too bright and repelling (always keep in mind that neon is NEVER the way to go with posters), but it wasn’t all dark and emo-looking, which is always a plus. Depressing stuff really gets people down, you know? Especially if they’re not prepared to read a horribly depressing fic.

Forewords: 3/5
I understand that this one-shot was based off of Utada Hikaru’s song (I love her so much!!!), but maybe you could have cut out some of the repetitive verses/refrains…it didn’t take me long to realize I was rereading things, and that got kinda boring. You don’t want to lose your readers just in the forewords.

Plot: 12/15
It wasn’t all birthday-candled (like you just randomly stuck things into the story, as one would do with a candle to a birthday cake), but there wasn’t exactly much of a plot. It was more of a “Here is a couple, here’s how they got together, and here’s how they broke up.” Even though it was a one-shot, you could have gone into deeper detail. Maybe you could have spoken about the fight, no matter how insignificant the narrator may have thought it was.

Flow: 7/10
I had no idea what grade these characters were in, and you just sort of time-skipped to senior year, where they drifted apart.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 13/15
It’s obvious this wasn’t written by a twelve-year-old crazed fangirl (and if it was, you’re very deceiving and intelligent for your age ^^). Your vocabulary wasn’t average; it was actually a bit more expanded than a lot of other authors on winglin. Mucho kudos!

Characterization: 7/10
Onew seemed too…good to be true, at first. The fictional girl has a major crush, and he just so happens to have one on her, as well? I kinda wanted to know more about why he chose to get back with the girl from a few years back. That threw me off a little; it sounded like he and the narrator broke up, but then it didn’t. I was so confused!

Originality: 8/10
There are a lot of these on winglin: boy and girl have crush on each other, fall hard, and then break up. That’s the story of Life. Haha!

One thing that saved you on the story: you didn’t try to insert yourself into it. You didn’t give the girl a name or anything like that; it was almost like a template for the reader. You just made it sound like a girl who was going through the motions of a relationship. You didn’t Mary-Jane it, either. I’m proud.

Writing style: 8/10
The only thing I had against you was your choice of font color. That really hurt my eyes, darling. Ha! But anyway, at least you had sense to split your story into paragraphs. A lot of other writers either use Tab way too much, or they have no idea what an Enter key is.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10
It was a nice read, but not something I’d go out of my way to find. Maybe if you made this into a longer story, with dialogue and conflict and yada yada…it’d be a little more interesting. Good job overall on everything, though!

Overall score: 78/100

Tik Tok [CCM Challenge] - tubbyGENx3

Author: tubbyGENx3
Story title: Tik Tok [CCM Challenge]
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/challengeOO1/
Reviewer: mg6991

Title: 5/5

- Seeing that you used the song title for the title of your one-shot, I think that it suits your story very well. It is also an unusual title for me which can attract the eye of a reader.

Poster/Background: 10/10

- I just love your poster! I think that it really suits the mood of your story!

Forewords: 3/5

- I think that when it comes in writing something in the Forewords section, you should really put up a short summary of the story and not just a part from the story itself. You should also put up a short description of your characters.

Plot: 11/15

- I have seen a lot of plots like these. It’s a very common plot actually, but you’re one of the authors that have written this plot nicely.

Flow: 9/10

- The flow was nicely done, not too fast, not too draggy. Well done!!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15

- Although I have seen only a few mistakes, your grammar was alright. But you don’t always have to use a semi-colon.

Characterization: 9/10

- I can really tell the personalities of your characters. Nice work!

Originality: 8/10

- Even though it was a common plot, your style of writing made it unique.

Writing style: 10/10

- Keep up the good work! Your writing style is good!

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

- I’m not really a fan of happy endings but you’re happy ending is one of the bests I have ever seen.

Overall score: 87/100

- Keep doing your best! I can see that your one of the best writers out there!!

An Eye through My Heart, for the Sight of You by Phoebe a.k.a Phebs

Author: Phoebe a.k.a Phebs
Story title: An Eye through My Heart, for the Sight of You
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/bj_phebs/
Reviewer: ShadowYin
SYNote: Sorry for this long review…I hope this helps you in future when you're writing, and I hope this doesn't offend you in any way or form.

Title: 4/5
It’s original, and it interested me a lot. However, the ‘for’ I think the ‘f’ should be capitalised? Also, it’s a bit long so it wouldn’t be one of those titles which I would be able for a long time.

Poster/Background: 10/10
You know I love your works :) I really love the quote you included as well.

Forewords: 3/5
I loved the imagery and it was a brilliant opening to the fanfic. However, what lost you marks was mainly your grammar along with a few awkward sentence structures here and there which disturbed the flow of your story. Also, there were moments where I didn’t quite understand what you were trying to say.

At the end, Jaejoong claimed: ‘It was a scary feeling.’
He got hit by a car, and that short sentence wasn’t enough to convince me that he had just been hit by a car. What about the pain, the shock and the blood? Remember, people aren’t really that logically when something unexpected happens. I think you could have developed that sentence a lot more. The main thing about this sentence is your use of words, ‘scary’ is not powerful enough for this situation.

Finally, you lost marks on the level of description. Your descriptions were written beautifully until Boa was screaming because the car crashed into Jaejoong. How would she be screaming it? The moment when the car crashed into Jaejoong allowed you to leave an impact on the reader. In fact, you could’ve taken readers’ breath away if you added more description to the scene.

Plot: 10/15
Your plot has potential to be strong, but it’s not. The idea that Jaejoong is a blind pianist already makes your fanfic different from others. Therefore, it would be nice to see more description in the beginning to make the plot more solid.
Your plot really allowed you to explore into the characters, the surroundings etc. So I would’ve liked to see more of it.
The dream, I can’t say its cliché, because it’s not and it did leave an impact on me which was right at the end in chapter 6. Maybe the dream was going a little bit too long? For example, some scenes with Minho weren’t really necessary.

The plot got more interesting near the end, but I suppose it was the build up from the beginning that created that impact. It would’ve been better if it was amazing all the way through.

The puzzling thing for me about the plot is I would’ve thought his parents would want to find a donor for their son. Some parents are even willing to donate their own eyes just so their children could see. I really think you should’ve explored deeper into the love between parents and children. If some parents are willing to make such sacrifices for their children, why would they be against them looking for a donor?

Flow: 6/10

In all honesty, your flow wasn’t that great. In some areas, I thought that if you placed a line in a new paragraph and possibly expand on it, the flow would have been better.
Remember, the flow connects with the punctuation, sentence/paragraph structure as well as vocabulary. You don’t want readers to pause when unnecessary nor do you want them to stumble on awkward sentence structures.

Example of what you wrote:
BoA suddenly let out a shriek as she missed a step and stumbled unbalance, about to fall to the ground. Reacting quick, Jaejoong reached a hand out to grab her hand and she was pulled to his embrace. Still leaning against his chest, she lifted her head up to meet his face and saw he was chuckling.

Note: You have about ten things going on in that little paragraph, and it feels more like you’re trying to list what’s going on in your head. Listing is effective when you list out adjectives or adverbs, not sentences. Tip: Take time to think about the image you’ve got in your mind before putting it into words. There’s no need to rush.

Edited example of the first sentence:
BoA suddenly let out a high-pitched shriek as she accidently missed a step which caused her to lose her balance, resulting in her falling helplessly from her stance. (See how adjectives could be used to pad sentences out? Also, a variation of connectives enables your sentences to flow better rather than using ‘and’ all the time.)

Some parts, I thought was going WAY too fast, then when I realised it was all a dream, the flow made more sense, since it’s natural for dreams to move at a faster pace in my opinion. However, the flow at the beginning could still be worked on.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9.5/15
Firstly, I’ve nagged a lot of requesters about this. Even though you don’t do it as often, I would still like to see a wider range of connectives used rather than the repetition of ‘and’. It is THE worst enemy of writers, please avoid it.

IN THE FOREWORDS

You wrote:
‘…which little kid won’t have their own little world where their wildest imagination come to life.’ – It’s a question; therefore you lacked the question mark at the end.

My version:
‘…which little kid wouldn’t have their own little world where their wildest imagination could come to life?’

You wrote:
‘I told her much innocently…’ – Personally I think ‘told her innocently’ or ‘told her with much innocent’ would sound better.

You wrote:
‘…causing me to shrank’ – ‘causing’ is present tense ‘shrank’ is past. It would have made more sense if you said ‘which caused me to shrank’ or ‘causing me to shrink’

You wrote:
‘…after the car crashed on me.’ – ‘crashed INTO’ not ‘on’

CHAPTER ONE
You wrote: She had all these years blamed herself for that accident, but he never once put that thought in his mind, because he knew…

My version: She had BLAMED HERSELF FOR ALL THESE YEARS for that accident, but he never once put that thought in mind, because he knew…

You wrote: BoA walked over to the piano and stood beside Jaejoong as he started to play the piano, letting its melody filled the air around the mall.

Notes: You already mentioned piano once, so no need to mention it again, also it’s ‘fill’ not ‘filled’ as you have used ‘letting’ before it.

Minor errors like ‘Mino’ in chapter 3 when you meant ‘Minho’
‘Boost’ in chapter 4 should be ‘boast’
Tip: proof read.

Characterization: 8/10
I loved the characterization here. How Jaejoong knows Boa really well and how Boa tries to protect him.

However, Boa and Minho’s characters aren’t so believable when Minho was doing his confession. I was like: ‘is that all he’s going to say?’ and ‘how can she act so calmly?!’

I loved that fact that you stuck to simple language when writing about Jaejoong and Boa when they were young. Also, in chapter 6, I could really see the desperation of Jaejoong when Boa was about to die. The characterisation in that chapter was simply incredible, especially Nicole’s character.

Originality: 7/10
Blind playing the piano, I can’t really say it’s original because it’s not. I’ve actually read, watched a lot of media regarding the blind, and each one was so unique and original at the same time that I just couldn’t forget about it. With your fanfic, you didn’t really use Jaejoong’s blindness as an advantage to unleash your creativity. Although there were quite a few original elements in there, details and description is what motivates me to give you marks in this section. You had a moderate amount of those, but not enough to convince me that it’s original.

More marks were given due to the originality at the end where Jaejoong explains that he only needed one eye through his heart to see Boa.

Writing style: 8.5/10
Enough criticizing, time for some praises.
I saw some fantastic uses of:
Alliteration
Metaphors
Similes
Rhetorical questions
Personification
A good balance between dialogue and description

However, I think it’s important that you add a description about how the characters deliver their lines after the dialogue. It leaves readers to wonder if they were timid, arrogant etc.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10
I enjoyed it a lot. Chapter 6 amazed me. It was my kind of chapter. The point where the exact same thing happened Jaejoong actually happened to Boa took my breath away. It was like pulling me back to the beginning. Although I would’ve liked it more if there were more description at the beginning. Also, without those minor errors would’ve been perfect.

I really would’ve wanted to read how devastated Jaejoong would’ve been at the time when he realised he was blind. I thought it would’ve made the story even more heart throbbing, but that’s my opinion.

Overall score: 75/100

The Shooting Star by eternalflower

Author: eternalflower
Story Title : The Shooting Star
Story URL: winglin.net/fanfic/eternalflower
Reviewer: ShadowYin | lostshadows.co.nr


Title: 1.5/5
- Nice use of alliteration
- A bit too simple though for my liking, also it’s not really that unique.
- Doesn’t really interest me much.
- She didn’t actually wish under a shooting star did she? The ending didn’t actually relate back to the title. Personally I thought a title which made reference to the ‘red umbrella’ would’ve gained you more marks, but that’s only my opinion.

Poster/Background: 9/10
- I love the poster, but one point is taken due to the title in the poster. Not really big or stands out to me. To me, titles are really important. And I admit, I’m a bit biased, I like the designer’s works :)

Forewords: 2/5
- Giving information and a basic summary is good. However, it included a lot of grammar mistakes. My suggestion is for you to proof read.
1. He was perfect, as everyone said [Slightly a weird way of phrasing in my opinion.]
2. It was just natural, you think [‘was’ – you’re talking in the past. ‘think’ – is in present tense.]
3. make it as a happy ending [No need for ‘as’]
4. I love him although, not because. [What do you mean?]
- Like I said, it was a bit awkward to read, but when it got to the poem, I liked it.
- However, it didn’t really interest me that much; it only gave me an impression that the story would be cliché.

Plot: 10/15
Started off a bit cliché, I liked the part where Jaejoong lost the game because you tried to shock your readers. However, because that was such a crucial turning point to your fanfic, I would’ve liked to see a longer description on how he actually lost the game.

Loved the Sunny and red umbrella. It was a great twist.
I liked the plot.

Flow: 6.5/10
Some sentences didn’t flow well which resulted in it being boring.
Some parts could’ve been developed so the speed of the fiction wouldn’t suddenly increase.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/15
A lot of ‘and’ used within your fanfic. I would suggest try to vary your connectives a bit more? It’s a boring word, so try not to use it too often, or throw in some other connectives.

You wrote:
‘traveled’ – It should be ‘travelled’ [Chapter 2]

You wrote:
‘I even bother to fell in love’ – I think ‘fell’ should ‘fall’. [Chapter 2]

You wrote:
‘…you're going to come…’ – should be ‘you’re going to go’. [Chapter 2]
Also, please read this:
"What? Don't tell me you're going to come to her classroom AND call out her name, dragging her to the backyard to tell her to just back off AND leave Kim Jaejoong alone because you like him AND it makes him yours AND you don't like sharing with anyone, especially not with her?"

1. The unnecessary repetition of ‘and’
2. It’s too long to be a sentence and you only had two comas. Please try read from ‘dragging’ to ‘anyone’ in one breathe then you would understand what I mean.

You wrote:
‘We were on different classes this year’ – supposed to be: ‘We ARE IN different classes this year’ [chapter 2]

You wrote:
‘…he never lose before’ – supposed to be: ‘he never LOST before’ [chapter 3]

You wrote:
‘I stepped one closer to him’ – I think you missed out the word ‘step’ [chapter 3]

You wrote:
“Yeah, I will. I’m not into badminton that much, actually. Well, I guess I’ll join a club with loose schedule, this time.” – Some of the comas were slightly unnecessary. Think it would be better like this:
“Yeah, I will. I’m not into badminton that much actually. Well, I guess I’ll join a club with a looser schedule this time.” [Chapter 5]

You wrote:
‘I quickly opened my bad’ – Should be ‘bag’ not ‘bad’. [Chapter 6]

Please proof read before posting your fanfic.

Characterization: 7/10
I was really impressed with your characterisation. Well done. Although, there were some part which I thought was quite awkward that made me wonder: ‘would they really do or say that?’ But generally, it was good.

Originality: 8/10
A bit cliché at the beginning, but I could see a bit of originality here and there. This mark would’ve been higher if you added something a little bit more creative at the beginning.

Writing style: 6.5/10
I see too many of ‘…’ going on. You can argue that you used it to show characterisation of the reader. However, to me it didn’t have that effect.
You had some good description in here.

I really liked your short paragraphs before your actual chapter; also I loved your format and structure as well.

However, I think your style can be linked to your vocabulary as well. Please vary your words a bit more, especially ‘and’, it gets really boring after reading it a lot of times.

Also, in one chapter, I caught you placing two dialogues from different speakers on the same line. Remember, different speaker, different line.

Overall enjoyment: 7.5/10
In all honesty, I was bored from the first half of the fiction. Then, I started to like it after reading a few more chapters. It’s a good fiction, but you just need to work on spelling/punctuation/grammar/vocabulary.

Loved the twists!

The last few chapters simply took my breath away :)

However, I would’ve liked it even more if you linked the ending with ‘shooting star’ rather than just what she wished for.

Overall score: 67/100

Come Back To Me by grpstrwbrry15

Name: grpstrwbrry15
Story Title: Come Back To Me
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/grpstrwbrry_01/
Reviewer: Airah

Title: 4/5
The title is simple and doesn't really catch my attention but it does fit the story so well.

Poster/Background: 8/10
I like the poster and background because it fits with the atmosphere and adds feelings into it.

Forewords: 5/5

I really like how you put part of the story in the forewords help the readers know what the story is about and that's what hooked me in the story. I like how you didn't include the personalities of the characters or anything about them other than the couple pairings because it helps keeps the story alive by getting the readers know who the characters are by themselves through the story.


Plot: 15/15

I like the plot since its based on a true story. It's very nice.


Flow: 10/10

Perfect. Not too slow nor fast.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14.5/15

I noticed this:

Lucky Kibum-sshi (the landlord) is kind and generous. This is from the letter Jun Hee wrote.


I think that instead of lucky, it should be luckily.


But other than that, your grammar and vocabulary are good.


Characterization: 9.5/10

This is the kind of story where you can't really tell if you got to know the person well especially Junsu because of his problem. Same goes with Jaejoong and Kibum. The others we got to know pretty well.


Originality: 10/10

Very original. Since it is based on a true story and because I have never read something that was based on a true story.


Writing style: 10/10

Very easy and simple to understand.


Overall enjoyment: 10/10

I cried when Junsu came back to normal! I loved it! I love YooSu!


Overall score: 96/100

Raisonnement, Confiance and Fric - Pararae

Name: Pararae
Story Title : Raisonnement, Confiance and Fric
Story URL: http://peaceful-pandemonium.blogspot.com/2010/04/raisonnement-confiance-and-fric.html
Reviewer: DarkAngel

Title: 5/5

-Very nice! It captured the readers’ attention! It related to the story and was very creative. Good job!

Poster/Background: -/10

-No points for this, but the picture was very nice! I thought it looked pretty.

Forewords: 5/5

-I guess I can count the introduction as the forewords. If so, then 5 POINTS! It was very unique and creative to add in the definitions of the words. That isn’t seen often in stories, so kudos for that.

Plot: 14/15

-It was a creative and different plot. I liked it. It was interesting when I found out they were female assassins. You don’t see those around anymore! It was nice to read something unique and different.

Flow: 8/10

-I didn’t find it rushed, but it was slightly lagging or slow. Since this was a one shot drabble, I couldn’t exactly tell.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 14/15

-There were just a few typos and mistakes, but they weren’t huge ones. It’s one of those mistakes that are made when you type too fast and you don’t notice.

Characterization: 8/10

-You didn’t get to know the characters very well, like their past or experiences. It would have been better if you introduced the characters more.

Originality: 9/10

-Though the assassins were a nice touch, it sounded a little typical. I know I said that it was unique and different, but it could have been more. It would be more interesting if you added a twist or something like a “bang!”

Writing style: 8/10

-The paragraphs were a bit too big for me to read (probably because I’m younger). It was very detailed- perhaps too detailed for a one shot. It’s nice to tell a lot, but try to make it more simple. If it’s too formal, it’s more boring to read.

Overall enjoyment: 9/10

Overall score: 80/90

But No R - Susan Lee

Name: Susan Lee
Story Title : But No R
Story URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suxsan3/
Reviewer: DarkAngel

Title: 5/5

-It was a pretty unique title. At first glance, I wondered what the story was about. Once I finished reading it, I finally understood why you named it what it was.

Poster/Background: 7/10

-The poster and BG were cute, but it was a little boring. The pictures kept repeating and there wasn’t anything very “eye-catching”. It was pretty though.

Forewords: 3/5

-I thought the forewords were a bit short. The little prologue or summary didn’t exactly describe the plot that well, but it gave a little information. The introduction of the characters were a little short and not very informative, but at least you added something about them.

Plot: 13/15

-The story was soothing and relaxing. I guess you can say it was cute. There wasn’t a big “bang” or a lot of excitement in there, so slightly bored me. Other than that, I thought it was good.

Flow: 9/10

-The flow was fine the way it was! The only thing was you didn’t add enough detail to help the reader visualize. It would have been better if you told a bit more.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15

-There were many grammar mistakes in there. You switched from present tense to past tense often. You should change some of the “your” to “you’re”. That was one mistake I found. It would help if you reread what you wrote to make sure you didn’t make some silly mistakes.

Characterization: 8/10

-I can tell the personalities of the characters, but I can’t exactly imagine what happened very well. It wasn’t exactly detailed.

Originality: 9/10

-It was a simple plot, but it was also unique in a way.

Writing style: 8/10

-It looked too spaced out. You should make paragraphs before you indent. The way you write was fine, but paragraphs just make it look more professional. I liked the way you mentioned the thoughts of your characters. It was humorous :)

Overall enjoyment: 9/10

-It was very nice! Good job!

Overall score: 83/100

It was the ticking - Jtoasn

Author: Jtoasn
Story Title : It was the ticking
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5824814/1/It_was_the_ticking
Reviewer: ShadowYin | lostshadows.co.nr

Title: 5/5

Unique, related, catchy.

Poster/Background: -/10

Forewords: -/5

Plot: 12/15

Not really strong, but it’s good for a one shot. It makes people see a different side of Malfoy.

Flow: 10/10

Good flow throughout! Nicely controlled. The pace increases with his thoughts…I like it.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 12/15

They're dying to meet you" (Where’s the full stop?)

No, that's not what he wanted. (Quite confused since he doesn’t have a wife yet, shouldn’t it be ‘No, that’s not what he wants’.)

Since he’s talking about the future, shouldn’t it be written in future tense instead of past?

…he wasn't even sure that there was a girl that would want him. (…he wasn’t even sure if there would be a girl out there that would want him.) -Your sentence makes me think that he already has a girl who wants him…?-

I think vocabulary can be better. Some words could be changed to make this writing even more powerful.

Also, sometimes I thought that it wasn’t necessary for some of your sentences to be that long.

Characterization: 9/10 –

Not much I can say, since it’s only based on Malfoy’s character. I think, a little bit more description in there would really bring out his character more.

Originality: 8/10 –

Seeing a different side of a character, Malfoy thinking of his future wife…It’s original. Just because I gave 8/10 doesn’t mean it’s not original, but I simply think that a different side of someone is quite common. Also, when reading the top few sentences, it was already quite obvious how the story was going to end as well as giving the readers the idea of what it’s actually about. I personally think that if there was a twist somewhere, it would’ve gotten you full marks.

Writing style: 8/10 –

I see…

Rhetorical questions

Repetition

Similes

Alliteration

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

I love this couple. Too short for my liking, but it’s really sweet.

Overall score: 71/85 (84%)

My Husband Bought me at A Auction - MrsJaejoong

Story Title: My Husband Bought me at A Auction
Story Author: MrsJaejoong
Story URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/auction/
Reviewer: Darkess

*My reviews are not meant to harm or discourage the author, but to help them fix their stories and do better in the future. The opinions expressed in this review are mine and mine alone, and are not meant to offend you*


Title: 4/5

It isn't... grammatically correct. It should be 'at An Auction' instead of A. but... the title would definitely catch my attention on the winglin page, and it is very unique.

Poster/Background: 10/10

Beautiful poster and bg made by Teri eunnie S2.

Forewords: 3/5

I really would have loved to see a summary here, but I'm glad you put the characters and their positions, as well as the credits :)

Plot: 12/15

I really like where this is going. I found this whole story super interesting because of the auction. I'm still trying to figure out where they got all that money, and why they would be willing to spend it on a particular human, but I really like where it's going, and the twist that both Kings bid on her. Keep going with this!

Flow: 6/10

It's hard to imagine this happening in real time. Also, you said something like 'we're all trying to sleep, it's nightime' or something along those lines... but I'm 100% sure that it's common knowledge that vamps sleep during the day... unless your vampire type is just unique XD if that's the case than you should try to build on that more.

Spelling/Grammer/Vocabulary: 11/15

*bullet pas the (chapter 1)

bullet pass the - just a simple typo :P

*didn't screamed (chapter 1)

didn't scream

*so call Queen (chapter 1)

so called Queen

*A hour later (chapter 2)

An hour later

*start biding (chapter 2)

start bidding

mmk. you've made the same mistake like 20 times XD it isn't biding, it's bidding.

*and her she is (chapter 3)

and here she is

I think some stronger vocabulary could have been used as well since yours was pretty basic.

Characterization: 8/10

I thought that you built on the characters a lot in the short amount of chapters. You've built on the girl's personality, and on the perverted vampires as well. You also described the dress and the 'King Vamps' of being beautiful. A good word for Jaejoong and Khun :P

Orginality: 10/10

I can honestly say that I've never ever seen a story like this. I love the whole vampire idea (which actually IS very common since Twilight) but ... the whole auctioning off humans is a new concept to me... especially auctioning them off to Vampires... Idunno. I love the whole thing :D

Writing style: 6/10

You often switch between present and past tence. Pick one and stick with it. I like that you added a little bit of detail here and there, enough to make the story seem a little bit realistic. The one line story structure is easy to read, but... not very professional looking.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10

This story kept my attention , and I want to read more . Update soon!

Overall score: 78/100